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TDS Eating Disorders Megathread

No, I can be a everyday smoker sometimes and I have been that in the past. Now I just do it now and then so no, I wouldn't consider myself a heavy user. I mean this weekend I've used everyday, but thats because I can and I have some good stuff. Sometimes like months ago its everyday, and sometimes its every couple weeks. *shrug*
 
I am a daily smoker. I take 3-4 days breaks to reduce tolerance if I am low on strains to rotate.
I can smoke NOW without giving in to a full fledged eating frenzy. Before therapy I would use weed induced munchies as an excuse to indulge in negative binge behaviour.
 
^me too PI

I don't know that anyone's eating can be easily held in control with Pot use. It just puts so much extra strain on you wanting eat like a mofo. Whether you do indulge or not it can be pretty stressful if you have the issues there.

edit: i meant me too about the using pot to indulge in bingeing!
 
I have found that I have kinda forgotten what hunger is... I will get a sick feeling that I think must be hunger. But I usually never eat until I'm just totally starving and then I eat too fast and make myself sick so I'm sure thats negative in trying to promote eating.
 
i find wen i wake up i absolutely hav to force my first meal down, or i will probly skip lunch as well
the more i force myself to eat, the more i later get hungry for more
this cud b helpful for u, pillthrill
actually my bodys got to the point now where i wake with my stomach growling even tho im not usually 'hungry' as such
 
I have no idea where this should go...if anywhere...
It seems I volley, I have gained 13 pds I believe.
But right now I go between eating 2 pieces of toast a day, thinking that I am not worthy of food...
To eating anything I can, being full and not wanting to eat anymore after just a little bit, but still feeling the urge to eat. Not feeling satified. I'm not sure if I'm trying to fill an emotional hole or what...
 
I have had, at times (and still do I suppose), mild eating disorders. I used to be very overweight (5'11", 105kgs), managed to drop that in 2 months to 73.5kgs. Now I'm up to around 85kgs (healthy with a bit of a beergut), but I'm happy. I'm male, by the way.

I still binge-eat, horribly, when I smoke weed. It's a guilty pleasure that generally leaves me feeling pretty shitty afterwards.

I think one of the best things for me was to be loved - learning to love yourself is hard, but it's a lot easier when someone else does. Being happy with your weight is a hard thing, especially if you've had 10 or 20 years of trouble with it - a lot longer than most drug addictions last... Food for thought.
 
rathersilly: 31 kg in two months, fuck me!!!! (not literally). that's about 70 lbs for u usa'ers. jeesus. 'mild eating disorder'... damn what i wouldn't give to be a tall male with a good metabolism! sorry sorry that's completely insensitive. ha there's that e.d coming out in me sorry! it's great to hear a guy speak up in this thread thanks!

And, my response, beeee caaaaaaaareful bingeing. i know it's bloody hard when stoned, but it's a slippery slope my friend... be very careful and don't assume that you're scott-free now you feel better, put in the effort to work really hard at long-term healthy eating behaviours (ie bingeing=unhealthy). Glad to hear you are in a good place, and i'm a bit jealous of your love :)

pillthrill: yeah that sounds pretty normal as far as eating disorders, depression, self-hatred and all that super stuff goes. i heartily believe you need thorough professional treatment to help you start digging out darlin' :( <3
 
i developed an eating disorder at 14. i had just come back from a 6 month stay abroad and looked into the mirror and thought "what a fat piece of shit you've become." i wasn't fat (115 lbs) but being that the environment i was living in was so unhealthy, my self-esteem was shot (side note: i was extremely happy when i lived abroad because i was allowed to be independent within reason. when i came back home, i was like a dog wearing a choke-chain around my neck with a 1 ft leash attached. i wasn't a bad person, my mom just didn't like the fact that i was so independent and didn't want her all up in my business so she restricted me in any way possible. she also had no qualms about sharing her opinions about me; she called me fat, a slut, and a myriad of other harsh names that a parent should NEVER say to their child).

i had just started high school when i came back so of course the pressure of wanting to look good for the boys was there. i wasn't the 100 lb girl i was when i left so this upset me. i wasn't really into starving myself b/c i was a huge stoner and loved food; i tried cutting back but the munchies always got the best of me. i exercised a lot (1 hr of PE every day and it was a 2 mile walk home from school every day) but my bad eating habits undid anything positive it may have done. so, when a friend offered me a line of meth in the girl's bathroom one day, i took it. i knew nothing about meth, only that it would get you "spun" and make you more productive (this was all based on what friends had told me). when the comedown hit, i ached everywhere and felt like absolute shit; i said i never wanted to do it again...until i looked in the mirror and noticed how skinny i had become from just 1 day of not eating. a few weeks later, i tried it again. after that, my addiction (to being skinny; eventually i became addicted to the drug) snowballed quickly and i soon went from 115 lbs to 100 lbs to 90 lbs and finally plateaued at 80 lbs. i was still unsatisfied with the way i looked, though. i would stare at myself in the mirror, pinch my fat and say "ok, this needs to go, my thighs are too big, my arms are flabby, my stomach jiggles...disgusting." so instead of working out and eating healthy (it was too much work and took too long to see visible results), i smoked more meth to lose the weight yet, no matter how skinny i got, it was never enough. i had to smoke weed just to gain my appetite back b/c i was going for days without food (or sleep). then i would end up eating so much that i felt fat again so i would purge to undo the damage. i was puking up nothing but stomach acid and it burned my throat so bad i couldn't tolerate it anymore so i stopped and relied on my drug habit to keep the weight off. i never really binged after that point, i monitored my food intake when i was high instead of gorging on anything in sight.

eventually, it got to the point of where i was going so long without food and using so much meth that even my dr. said i wasn't going to live to see my next birthday. that didn't stop me, though, i just cut back a little. instead of staying up for 5 days, i would only stay up for 3. instead of eating 3 meals a day when i was sober, i cut back to 1. i eventually went on the "ice, water and vitamin diet" as i called it, where i would only drink water, eat ice chips and take supplements daily and of course, i was still using meth. i was only able to sustain for so long with this "diet" so i modified my eating habits again. i would only eat when i was forced by family and i would give my food to the dog every chance i had but they eventually caught on and would make me eat in front of them; i wasn't allowed to the leave the table unless i cleared my plate. i found a way around this, i started taking smaller portions at meal time. instead of 1 scoop of mashed potatoes, i would take half. i would cut a small sliver off a piece of meat and have a handful of salad or veggies. cigarettes were my best friend and i was smoking over a pack a day. it worked for a while, i maintained my weight at ~90 lbs. +/- 2-3 lbs.

i met my now ex-BF a few weeks later and i wanted to be with him so bad that i quit using all drugs. if it weren't for him coming into my life, i can honestly say that i would've been dead 6 mos after i turned 16. my stomach, eating habits and appetite were severely fucked up until i got pregnant in nov. of that year (then i started pigging out). after the pregnancy was terminated, my appetite went back to the way it was before - pretty much non-existent. white rice was about the only thing i could eat without feeling extremely ill and when i could keep other stuff down, it was only very, very small portions (the amount of food an infant/toddler should eat).

once i got off probation, i started smoking weed again and that stimulated my appetite once more. i started gaining weight but i wasn't really too concerned with it. i knew that if i wanted to stay thin that i would have to work at it instead of relying on stimulants to curb my hunger. i had a BF who loved me and thought i looked better with some meat on my bones so going from 100 lbs to 110 lbs really didn't bother me.

i still have major self-image issues but i've realized that there's really nothing (aside from eating properly and exercising) that i can do to change the way my body metabolizes food. i love eating, i love food and i love being healthy. i'm not strict about my diet like i probably should be but i don't get out of control when i eat. even when i'm high as shit and have a mean case of the munchies, i limit myself to certain things. if i want to snack on crap, i do but i put a cap on how much i eat.

i'm not exactly sure how i overcame my anorexia and i wish i knew so i could offer advice to some of you here. i guess as i grew older (and had a child), i realized there will always be someone skinnier, better looking, smarter, taller, etc. than me and that i'm ok with the way i look and if i have a problem, i'm the only one that can do something about it. i applaud each and every one of you who are dealing with an ED, it's not easy and definitely takes a lot of courage to overcome but i have a feeling that most, if not all of you, will eventually find peace within yourselves and your weight will no longer matter.

YOU ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL, regardless of what the scale says! :)

<3
 
e.d. are horrible, I can relate and don't wanna go back. The addiction of jumping on a scale early in the morning would grasp control of the rest of the day, if regurgitating couldn't help what in the heck would?? I'd say it was a mixture of school pressures and family pressures, now that I think back on it I wasn't fat at all it was just that everyone else was skinnier than me.

The things I did to lose wieght it was just horrible worshipping a poercelin god, and not too boot a two day liquid diet of citrus fruits it was disgusting.

mom would always have those fad diets where you lose 20 lbs in 3 days those chemical breakdown diets for severly obese people because (she worked as a secretary in a cardiology hosp.) who have to lose wieght quickly. It was disgusting wieners and green beens could you imagine?

hmm what made me stop? When I realized that my family was just naturally thinner than I was, and ultimately they were the ones with the issue, because I loved the way I looked. I also started to incorporate self control, and healthier eating exercising a lil. I'm still envious when skinnier are around me, but I don't feel compelled do it any longer.

Hope u feel better, ur heart is more important than anything. Also becareful because you could be seriously losing your nutrients like you suggested and your body may be feeding on it's on muscle. Take care.
 
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I'm really glad to hear that some of you were able to overcome your self-loathing and abuse and recover.

As for me, I made an appt with a counselor. I'm not sure that the eating habits will come up. Personally I think its more of another form of self-loathing and abuse than a eating disorder. But right now dealing with the BorderlinePD and developing coping skills are on the top of the list.
 
Pillthrill said:
I'm really glad to hear that some of you were able to overcome your self-loathing and abuse and recover.

As for me, I made an appt with a counselor. I'm not sure that the eating habits will come up. Personally I think its more of another form of self-loathing and abuse than a eating disorder. But right now dealing with the BorderlinePD and developing coping skills are on the top of the list.
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Good luck Pillthrill, you're heading in the right direction <3

I went to the doctor this morning to get a referral to a psychiatrist. I finally need to start dealing with my issues rather than merely coping with them! I found it rather morbidly humourous when I read the referral letter, it listed my "problems": depression, alcoholism, self-harm, bulimia, pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder

I'm more of a head-case than I thought! :\
 
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~*geNeRaTiOn E*~ said:
i'm not exactly sure how i overcame my anorexia and i wish i knew so i could offer advice to some of you here. i guess as i grew older (and had a child), i realized there will always be someone skinnier, better looking, smarter, taller, etc. than me and that i'm ok with the way i look and if i have a problem, i'm the only one that can do something about it. i applaud each and every one of you who are dealing with an ED, it's not easy and definitely takes a lot of courage to overcome but i have a feeling that most, if not all of you, will eventually find peace within yourselves and your weight will no longer matter.

YOU ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL, regardless of what the scale says! :)

<3
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Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. It's great to hear that you're doing so well these days! Very inspiring stuff <3
 
^exactly wat i was going to say!
i cant relate to the wanting to b skinny stuff but i can sure relate to the meth issue
that story was an inspiration to me and i think u shud b really proud of urself generation_E
i found myself tearing up a bit over that story
 
n3ophy7e said:
I went to the doctor this morning to get a referral to a psychiatrist. I finally need to start dealing with my issues rather than merely coping with them! I found it rather morbidly humourous when I read the referral letter, it listed my "problems": depression, alcoholism, self-harm, bulimia, pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder

I'm more of a head-case than I thought! :\
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Good luck honey! Let us know how ya get on. Oh and your pic with the cat in aus soc - HOT! and cute and sweet at the same time. I hope you know you're beautiful! and from your posts you seem an awesome and caring gal too. Hope the psychiatrist can help. <3
 
Im glad Iv never had any problematic EDs, maybe theyr just hiding because of my drug use. Iv never been overweight so Iv never had the problem of eating too much.
I think Im the exact oposit, for the past two years or so I have been eating only 1 proper meal a day, snacking around during the day but rarely eating anything healthy. Dont get me wrong, I LOVE food, but the thought of food just rarely crosses my mind because Im always high on something. Even when I havnt eaten anything in two full days, my body is craving the food but my mind just dosnt want it.
A couple of months ago I found out how much the drugs were affecting my apetite. Went to Germany and Czech for around 10 days with parents. So obviously drugs were not available, only a cig once in a while and desperatly trying to get drunk off of the wine that was served during supper. I was having 4 VERY filling meals a day! and yet I was still hungery ALL THE TIME... Gained around 6kgs during those 10 days. Got back and lost it all in a couple of weeks. Since then my weight has always been around 55-60kg, I'm 19yrs of age at around 182cm in height, male, everyone says I look like a freakin skeleton when I dont have a shirt on.
 
MidnightBaby said:
Good luck honey! Let us know how ya get on. Oh and your pic with the cat in aus soc - HOT! and cute and sweet at the same time. I hope you know you're beautiful! and from your posts you seem an awesome and caring gal too. Hope the psychiatrist can help. <3
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Thank you so much M.B! That post really touched me :)
 
Dxmmonster said:
Since then my weight has always been around 55-60kg, I'm 19yrs of age at around 182cm in height, male, everyone says I look like a freakin skeleton when I dont have a shirt on.
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Yeah I can imagine you'd look quite lean. Do you think you have any health problems because of your low weight? Do you have plans to cut down on your drug use? Just some things to think about maybe...
Being healthy always feels great, and food is an important part of health.
 
n3ophy7e said:
Yeah I can imagine you'd look quite lean. Do you think you have any health problems because of your low weight? Do you have plans to cut down on your drug use? Just some things to think about maybe...
Being healthy always feels great, and food is an important part of health.
Click to expand...

Well, my doc says I'm malnurished and I dont exercise enough(but I do enjoy working out, im just lazy), which is prolly why I'm always fatigued...
And no I dont plan on quitting drugs, tho I have been cutting down on the amount of cigs smoked per day. quite succesful.

Even tho I have never been through any seriously bad EDs, I have a pretty good idea of how bad they suck. I wish you all a good life that's free of such problems.
 
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