Well I was going through a bad period a few years back.. Was out of work and felt down but it's nothing then how I feel now... I got addicted to E.. Took lots through out the year and 3 on weekends not that often though..But from then on it permanent damaged me and still feeling it 7 years later... My mind is empty.. I have no thoughts or feelings I feel numb inside and no facial expressions, no laughter.no sex drive. Short term memory has gone.. can't remember much of the pat 7 years... I stay at home with no job.. Looking blankly at my laptop ... I get no pleasure from anything food or drinking like I used to... nothing interests me... I can't get a job or last in one due to bad learning... My parents just let me get on with it.... I went to the doctor but he said he doubts I have brain damage from E.... I feel like i'm just waiting to die...But I don't think I want to due to what it will do to my family... I was young I got carried away and messed my life up big time.. I don't think I will ever recover from this but don't what to do... I can't get the right medical help since I feel there's none out there for.. My sleep is also ruined... Just putting this out there...
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E has ruined me
- Thread starter rick182
- Start date
the question is....do you really come out this nightmare? cause you still can do it, this is NOT the worst story i read yet. Have faith, i recovered a lot when i change some habits in my life, i have lost a lot of time regretting, heal happens.
How do i heal? .It's been years and nothing has changed
jethro1000
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I guess Happiness is a choice. Dont dwell on it. You have suffered enough. Dude i was depress for 2 months, extreme anxiety etc. But dwelling on this state wont change anything. So i did go out force my self to be with my friends. I guess e has damage me. But life should go on. I might as well enjoy the ride than ruin my life on thinking i will be depress for life.
jethro1000
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Doctors cant help you because the only cure is yourself. You have to help yourself if you want to be normal again. Find a motivation and start from it.
jethro1000
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You have to try harder. You can compose a story here on bl. That means your brain is still working. I remember what my doctor told me. The only cure is myself. try cbt i believe it did help alot of people.how young are you? Dude 7 yrs? Its impossible that their was no single day that somehow you felt happy. I think the only hindrance to your healing is you not making an effort. I read somewhere that it is impossible for someone to be depress for long. I have known people who had taken more than what you did. They almost did become mentally disable but thay did recover. No one can help you. You have to help your self if you want to be happy.
I did E 10 times in 7 months more or less, 200mgs doses, 3 weeks space, tested (IM STUDYING CHEMISTRY)...the last time i just got a comedown, from there i try HARD to go out. have symptons like:
-NO memory, i actually cant remember the first 7 months after my comedown
-No inteligence, i couldnt pass any of my exams, along 1 year
-Hands and body trembling, like parkinson, i had it for 18 months, 1 month and it dissapeared
-social phobia, sadness
-Bruxism, day and now only night, still here at night but much better (for this i take medication, and i guess the medication is healin in some way my brain too...still not sure, i should wait)
-akathisia first 4 months
How i manage? how im doing? DIET and WORKOUT my best friends....i change form month 9 and 15 mostly so i GUESS that healing is not a constant and it is related with my habits, this months i change my diet and my sport, f.example i didnt drink alcohol as i used to (i become sensitive to drugs from booze to weed) and eat veggies fruits and kind of paleo diet. Im too into adaptogens to improve my waveform anxiety, the thing that change me the most for long term was rhodiola rosea....still tryin being my own guinea pig, but i have had some sucess in my own healing xperiments, PM me if needed
-NO memory, i actually cant remember the first 7 months after my comedown
-No inteligence, i couldnt pass any of my exams, along 1 year
-Hands and body trembling, like parkinson, i had it for 18 months, 1 month and it dissapeared
-social phobia, sadness
-Bruxism, day and now only night, still here at night but much better (for this i take medication, and i guess the medication is healin in some way my brain too...still not sure, i should wait)
-akathisia first 4 months
How i manage? how im doing? DIET and WORKOUT my best friends....i change form month 9 and 15 mostly so i GUESS that healing is not a constant and it is related with my habits, this months i change my diet and my sport, f.example i didnt drink alcohol as i used to (i become sensitive to drugs from booze to weed) and eat veggies fruits and kind of paleo diet. Im too into adaptogens to improve my waveform anxiety, the thing that change me the most for long term was rhodiola rosea....still tryin being my own guinea pig, but i have had some sucess in my own healing xperiments, PM me if needed
severely etarded
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Yeah I've probably rolled once a month or more the last 7 years. about every week the last year. Recently like 3 times a week. I have symptoms they don't seem to worsen... I take whole food vitamins and eat healthy. Lots of lean fish.. ceviche & grilled or blackened. lots of greens and veggies. I exercise to absolute exhaustion about 6 days a week if time permits, and prioritize sleep to 8-9 hours a day.
I'm not advocating the way I live at all. I just got a fucked up life and I think rolling is probably the least harmful escape from reality besides weed which doesn’t quite cut it. I'd rather take a handful of pills a week to escape than shoot heroin, or smoke meth & crack, or drink, or any/all of them.. Been there done that...
In the last year I can't really say my symptoms have gotten better or worse but I think if my lifestyle wasn't so healthy it probably would have gotten much worse especially in the last year but in the last year of insane rolling is pretty steady compared to several years ago, even before rolling.
I like to view the "symptoms" as normal. I don't have bruxism but I do eat a lot of magnesium and i have social phobia and a brain-zap every other day. As far as intelligence I haven't noticed a decline... I think a lot of it is how you choose to look at it.
But I really think it's silly people blame drugs for fucking themselves. .. it's like blaming a gun for killing people when it takes a person aiming and pulling a trigger to kill anybody.
Live healthy, accept who/what you are, stay positive and strive to improve your life and I promise you'll forget about what MDMA "did" to you... or you did to yourself. It's in the past, you gotta let it go and move on. start a new chapter in your life. Don't dwell on regrets... It's a waste of time. Just let it go and live like today is the first day of the rest of your life. You can't change the past but you can make your future.
I'm not advocating the way I live at all. I just got a fucked up life and I think rolling is probably the least harmful escape from reality besides weed which doesn’t quite cut it. I'd rather take a handful of pills a week to escape than shoot heroin, or smoke meth & crack, or drink, or any/all of them.. Been there done that...
In the last year I can't really say my symptoms have gotten better or worse but I think if my lifestyle wasn't so healthy it probably would have gotten much worse especially in the last year but in the last year of insane rolling is pretty steady compared to several years ago, even before rolling.
I like to view the "symptoms" as normal. I don't have bruxism but I do eat a lot of magnesium and i have social phobia and a brain-zap every other day. As far as intelligence I haven't noticed a decline... I think a lot of it is how you choose to look at it.
But I really think it's silly people blame drugs for fucking themselves. .. it's like blaming a gun for killing people when it takes a person aiming and pulling a trigger to kill anybody.
Live healthy, accept who/what you are, stay positive and strive to improve your life and I promise you'll forget about what MDMA "did" to you... or you did to yourself. It's in the past, you gotta let it go and move on. start a new chapter in your life. Don't dwell on regrets... It's a waste of time. Just let it go and live like today is the first day of the rest of your life. You can't change the past but you can make your future.
F1n1shed
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^^^ Although i agree with many points, especially on what happened in the past stays in the past. I disagree on what you say about it being silly that people blame drugs on fucking themselves. Drugs very well can fuck someones life up, especially something is strong as MDMA. Yea people don't get strung out on MDMA like they do on heroin, but rolling definitely comes with consqeuences... long term ones. Switched my life down ward faster than anything I've tried, and believe me I've had quite a drug history.
This isn't to say OP can't change his life, you can get better. I've seen it in my self, and others. I don't know if i'm completely better from the damage I've caused by MDMA.... but i got better and that's all that matters. Although it does sadden me that 7 years later you are still feeling effects, that is brutal.
This isn't to say OP can't change his life, you can get better. I've seen it in my self, and others. I don't know if i'm completely better from the damage I've caused by MDMA.... but i got better and that's all that matters. Although it does sadden me that 7 years later you are still feeling effects, that is brutal.
i hear a report here of somebody who saw the light after 7 years, like a complete flatline and suddelny POP! brain got better! futura told about those drugs can activate some triggers that can cause depression, anxiety and a lot of bad stuff, so i guess this triggers can be switched off as well
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dpd_mnk92
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Hey rick
I think a big reason for your cognitive/ mental decline is that you have done nothing in 7 years! Memory is based on a web of neural connections, which you actively build by doing different things - these connections begin to fade when you don't keep stimulating them (your brain will not maintain a skill/ ability unless repetition occurs, otherwise skill/ ability will be seen as inconsequential to your survival).
I have made more progress in the last 5 weeks cognitively (since my second year at university started), than the 3-4 months before that, probably. If you stop doing something for long enough, you WILL forget how to do it or at least get a lot worse at it. This applies not just to physical activities like playing a guitar or riding a bike (yes, i'm sure if you waited long enough, you'd be a major liability on a bike) but ALSO to things like reading, writing, problem solving, your memory and socialising... maybe even enjoying things?
First of all, I don't think it's ALL in your head or just about attitude. Some damage may well have occurred - denying this possibility would just be stupid. I'm simply suggesting that you may have exacerbated your symptoms, or even delayed your own recovery, by stagnating mentally through inactivity and total under-stimulation. It is not too late to do something about this.
I would suggest making reading your MAIN hobby. Spend several hours a day reading up on anything - maybe something you USED to find interesting, if you are no longer interested in anything. Yes this can be horrendously boring when you are feeling emotionless and empty, but force yourself to do it because it can be a direct solution to some of these problems. If reading is too difficult, don't be ashamed to start at the lowest level (children's books, picture books, basic vocabulary lists) as learning requires progression. No one ever learnt anything by overshooting their short-term targets. Reading is widely known to be one of the best things you can do to enhance your cognition.
I would also suggest picking at least 2-3 other hobbies to fill your time. Instead of staring blankly at your screen (don't worry - I did this for around 6 months as well - the zoned out staring-into-space-state felt like my natural state for ages), why not use all your free time to stimulate your brain cells to connect and to grow in new ways. Learn a new instrument and pick a physical activity too (weight-lifting/ running/ a sport of your choice). You need to give your brain a reason to improve.
You are remarkably GOOD at writing for someone who has spent 7 years staring blankly at a screen. Now make it a point engage yourself mentally, if only as an experiment, and see if it makes a difference. I'm pretty sure you will be surprised.
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I was similiar for a while, but a different situation to you. Believe me you will recover. No emotion, not interested in anything.
I never took any drugs at all in my life before all this happened, only doctors prescribed anti depressants. I stopped them and started taking drugs (Main DOC Alcohol)
I drank Alcohol for years (Friday and saturday nights I don't remember much)
I was put on several anti depressants over the years while still drinking.I was put on several anti depressants over the years while still drinking. (Zoloft, Effexor, Mirtazapine) I got sick of Alcohol after a while, started taking e for a considerable amount of time, got sick of e, then was prescribed a few others.
but I don't blame any of the other anti depressants except Effexor.
Out of all the anti depressants they gave me, Effexor completely messed me up. It wasn't Zoloft or any other anti depressant.
On Effexor, I lost my memory amongst other things.
I stopped taking it and after about a year i'm starting to get my old self back.
I never took any drugs at all in my life before all this happened, only doctors prescribed anti depressants. I stopped them and started taking drugs (Main DOC Alcohol)
I drank Alcohol for years (Friday and saturday nights I don't remember much)
I was put on several anti depressants over the years while still drinking.I was put on several anti depressants over the years while still drinking. (Zoloft, Effexor, Mirtazapine) I got sick of Alcohol after a while, started taking e for a considerable amount of time, got sick of e, then was prescribed a few others.
but I don't blame any of the other anti depressants except Effexor.
Out of all the anti depressants they gave me, Effexor completely messed me up. It wasn't Zoloft or any other anti depressant.
On Effexor, I lost my memory amongst other things.
I stopped taking it and after about a year i'm starting to get my old self back.
Sticky Green
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It sounds like classic depression. Most people turn to E (or drugs in general) because they get bored with everyday normal life. It's probably not the drug that caused your current condition, instead your condition has persisted since before you even started taking drugs. It can be cured, but it takes a lot of will power.
You have already taken the first step in recognizing that something is wrong. I suggest you seek out any professional help that is available to you. It may not be what you are comfortable with doing, but sometimes you have to go through a little bit of pain, anxiety, and general feelings of discomfort to get to a better place.
Even if you can't afford anything, I bet there are social services around where you can go and talk to someone. Second, these social services may be able to hook you up with a psychiatrist. I'm no doctor, but sometimes our brains are naturally chemically out of balance, not necessarily due to any drug use. Anti depressants can help balance you out, and can be a great crutch to help your mind heal. These are discussions you should have with a therapist. Remember that they are only there to help you. Opening up to them as much as possible not only is kept fully confidential, but can be a great release of all the burden that one puts on oneself.
I've got a handful of years on you and have had a bout with depression myself recently. I can't say I'm fully cured, but I'm off the pills and still looking for that one big inspiration to get me fully over the hump. There was a time when I was young(er) and full of energy. I had goals and ambitions. I could see that I was on the correct path, and knowing this allowed me to live my life in the moment, day-by-day. I'm still searching for that bigger plan which will allow me to get back on that similar path; where each day I'm happy with what I am doing, and not being overly critical of myself.
You'll get through it, but just take it one step at a time, and be proud of each step you take. Today, search for some professional help. Tomorrow, make the appointment. If there's any time in between, try rediscovering a hobby you enjoyed when you were younger.
All the best,
SG
You have already taken the first step in recognizing that something is wrong. I suggest you seek out any professional help that is available to you. It may not be what you are comfortable with doing, but sometimes you have to go through a little bit of pain, anxiety, and general feelings of discomfort to get to a better place.
Even if you can't afford anything, I bet there are social services around where you can go and talk to someone. Second, these social services may be able to hook you up with a psychiatrist. I'm no doctor, but sometimes our brains are naturally chemically out of balance, not necessarily due to any drug use. Anti depressants can help balance you out, and can be a great crutch to help your mind heal. These are discussions you should have with a therapist. Remember that they are only there to help you. Opening up to them as much as possible not only is kept fully confidential, but can be a great release of all the burden that one puts on oneself.
I've got a handful of years on you and have had a bout with depression myself recently. I can't say I'm fully cured, but I'm off the pills and still looking for that one big inspiration to get me fully over the hump. There was a time when I was young(er) and full of energy. I had goals and ambitions. I could see that I was on the correct path, and knowing this allowed me to live my life in the moment, day-by-day. I'm still searching for that bigger plan which will allow me to get back on that similar path; where each day I'm happy with what I am doing, and not being overly critical of myself.
You'll get through it, but just take it one step at a time, and be proud of each step you take. Today, search for some professional help. Tomorrow, make the appointment. If there's any time in between, try rediscovering a hobby you enjoyed when you were younger.
All the best,
SG
Sticky Green
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I was on Cymbalta, and my doctor (GP) recommended effexor as a cheaper alternative. He first put me on Lexapro and I could not tolerate that one bit. I had instant panic attacks at night (never had one before in my life) among multiple other bad symptoms instantly.
I suggested to him Nortriptyline as I had that for a more mild case of depression and anxiety about 8 years prior, and it worked perfectly then. It was kind of a happy pill where I just went about my business, walking with my head held high, and not caring much about my surroundings. It made me kind of an observer of life while having the ability to reflect inward. I thought it was a great short term fix, and I kicked it without any withdraw symptoms. I honestly wish he had prescribed that again as it worked well for me, and only costs $3 per bottle at CVS without insurance. Researching it, I found that it is neurotoxic and possible to overdose, which is probably why physicians steer clear of TCAs and lean towards the newer generation SSRIs and SNRIs.
Effexor damaged me like no other. It's whatever brings in the most $, you can tell when your GP has an anti depressants name plastered on his/her coffee mug, pens and has lots of free samples to hand out
Sticky Green
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Luckily my GP didn't work like that. He went with the safest bet first with the fewest side effects from his experience, and then when that just wasn't working for me, he changed my Rx only 3 days later. On top of that he preferred generics because he had the patient's best interest in mind. I'm the one who suggested Cymbalta since I had it once before for neuropathic pain and I had no averse side effects.
Odd that Effexor and E are sometimes both called E... and apparently sometimes they leave people the mess up in the same way ... from what you say. Seems the same to me if you are going to see a shrink.. don`t take effexor as it seems to cause the same type of problems you have from the other E ... it is not just myself saying it either that are a lot of people who have these same type issues after stopping Effexor so if you do see a shrink... and hey who am I to say but I will never see one again...
don`t take that one is my advice.
There are some good doctors but even they don`t know what the hell is going on with these drugs... the information is corrupted according to this doc who was trying to find out what drugs to give to his patients... he calls it research misconduct... no less. Give it a look if you like.
http://www.ted.com/talks/ben_goldacre_what_doctors_don_t_know_about_the_drugs_they_prescribe.html
Think he wrote a book too... see the reasons it is not always the doctors fault... there has to be a better way...
don`t take that one is my advice.
There are some good doctors but even they don`t know what the hell is going on with these drugs... the information is corrupted according to this doc who was trying to find out what drugs to give to his patients... he calls it research misconduct... no less. Give it a look if you like.
http://www.ted.com/talks/ben_goldacre_what_doctors_don_t_know_about_the_drugs_they_prescribe.html
Think he wrote a book too... see the reasons it is not always the doctors fault... there has to be a better way...