Misc DXM addiction: long term side effects

[willjerauld]

hey there, just wanted to give a brief summary concerning my love for dextromethorphan, or DXM for short, which is a dissociative over-the-counter drug found in almost all cough syrup/cough preparations. Right now I am clean 9 days from DXM.. which is about the longest time I've gone in quite a while. Let me say this, I DO NOT feel normal at all. I began abusing DXM when I was 16 (I am 19 now) and instantly had a new-found love for the high. I just loved everything about it, the intense body/mental high that's a mix between numbness, psychedelia, and complete seperation of mind and body, complete dissociation from all surroundings. At first I didn't use it that much; maybe once or twice a month. But that didn't last.

My 17th year things began to get worse, I was taking Delsym more and more frequently, never thinking about the possible damage I was doing to my liver and kidneys through drinking all that nasty syrup, let alone the damage I was slowly causing on my brain. Long story short, I ended up getting arrested, violated my previous juvenile probation at the time with an adult charge (I was 17, and at the time, in massachusetts, you can be charged as an Adult at 17) and was instantly put in DYS custody for a month, then sent to rehab for what ended up being 5 months total.

In rehab, I learned about Coricidin Cough & Cold, which is probably the most intense form of DXM you can probably do because of the other active ingredient CPM, which is an antihistamine that potentiates the DXM, but also is very harmful, and lethal. Well after 73 days sobriety, I relapsed in rehab, and this was the REAL start of my addiction to DXM.

I never payed for DXM, I would steal it for myself (I do NOT condone this) and that made it SO easy to get. I started trying different kinds of DXM preparations, like Robitussin Adult Cough Syrup which has only DXM in it, as well as other generic brands I've screwed around with...

My use absolutely skyrocketed. I turned 18 and aged out of juvenile probation, so I was let free from rehab on february 22nd, 2013. Ever since, I have had on an off bouts with continued use of DXM, sobriety never lasted more than a couple weeks at most, and that was only one time..

Eventually, tolerance became a huge issue, I was drinking cough syrup like water, mixing delsym, robitussin, and the coricidin at once. The most CCC's I've ever taken at once is somewhere between 32-35, I can't remember too well. The most Delsym I've ever taken was 12 ounces.. but that's beside my point. Ok lets fast forward to now.

Now, I continued my pattern of use, constantly staying up all night tripping on DXM, taking it before school, in school, and then after school. My pupils were always huge, I always looked 'on something', which made school a complete drag, but my addiction told me it was fine, nothing's wrong with what I'm doing..

So now I'm 9 days sober, and I feel very off. For one, I am NOT the same person anymore. DXM has definitely altered my personality. I really craved the buzz all the time, and would try so hard just to get that $1 needed for me to go down to CVS and steal it, then buy an Arizona and walk out... a big part of DXM addiction is also the stealing involved in the addiction pattern, I'm really lucky I haven't got caught for the numerous amount of DXM I stole. Aside from that.. Right now my energy is low, I don't feel satisfied with life either. DXM caused short term memory loss, that's a given. But there are definitely noticeable affects on my brain that I hope will reverse in time. I'm feeling better as the days pass, but a noticeable change in myself is totally there. I hope I can stay away from this addiction because it's got me nowhere..

Okay that's it, just wanted to share my story about the hell I inflicted on myself. Today is day 9 of sobriety and I will continue. Let me know if you've ever experienced bad side effects from DXM abuse. Of course I used it with other things, like alcohol, amphetamines, weed, etc, but the DXM was by far the most damaging to my body. It's only been a 2 1/2 year addiction with DXM, but definitely caused the most damage to myself.

So, if you've experienced an addiction to DXM similar to mine, feel free to comment and share a bit. It's going to be a long road in recovery back to my normal self.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Thanks for sharing your story.

 

[lostinthespace]

Hear hear!! We have another fellow "purple-belt" in the house. And I would say you have earned it.

I too abused DXM until the fucking cows came home. Although I was even younger than you when I started. I think I would have been like, 13 or 14 - I remember my first ever dose of DXM very well. It was New Years Eve. Hey it was only a small 150mg dose but for a 13 year old of my height and build that was enough for an early second plateau trip.

I used pretty much constantly until i was like 16 or so.

I don't want to alarm you - but you know that feeling you have right now, like your brain is on a frying pan. Sort of like that TV advertisement "This is your brain on ecstasy".

Get use to it for the time being. Don't get me wrong - this 'DXM induced brain damage' was temporary for me. But it took a few years for all the wires to go back to where they belong. Some of them still haven't. Some of them may never go back.
It is understood by the wider scientific and psycho-nautical community that psychedelics are generally a "safe" class of drugs in the sense that most of them are not directly toxic or damaging. Unfortunately the same cannot be said about the dissociatives. From what I understand, there is hard evidence (in rats...) that dissociatives including DXM cause brain damage. Weather or not this can be extrapolated to humans I don't know. But in my PERSONAL experience, it can be.

The type of impairments I was experiencing were primarily with language comprehension. I would "forget" words, what they mean and stuff. Sometimes when I was trying to describe something, I couldn't "find" the right word to use. I know this can be a common occurrence for some people but it was absolutely ridiculous the magnitude in which I was experiencing this.

Now I'm 22 and been DXM free for about 5 or 6 years. Almost all cognitive impairments are gone. But like I said, not all the wires have been connected back in the right places. I doubt some of them ever will.

Funny I was actually considering maybe revisiting DXM sometime this week.

Oh and here's some info on that brain damage I was talking about
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olney's_lesions

 

[f33lg00d]

Onleys lessions don't occur in humans.

 

[Ormazd]

I used to take dxm many years ago. I've had good experiences and bad ones with it. Some advice, stay away from the ccc its dangerous and the high in my opinion was not enjoyable. If your going to use dxm stick with the robo gels or delsym. The delsym does last longe bc of the polistyrex but it will leave you with a terrible headche. Dxm for me was always a coin toss, sometimes it was good sometimes it was bad not to mention the headaches. I don't use dxm anymore there were too many bad side effects that outweighed the good. Flushing, stomache issues, vomiting. I grew out of that phase and stuck with my weed.

 

[omnipresenthuman]

Good luck, OP, the best thing that you have going for you is that you're only 19. Hopefully the neurological damage is minimal.

The best thing that you can do for yourself right now is stay clean of all drugs for the time being and focus on clean and healthy living, as well as your life/work/school in general. The past can't be fixed, but you can prepare for the future today...not to sound corny as a motherfucker...

From my own experience, I will say that for young addicts like you and me, the worst thing that can happen to us is getting drugs by stealing or from very generous friends who don't care if you use their prescriptions, etc. Basically, when you're young and poor, the fact that you're poor can help you save yourself from yourself! If you had at least had to have worked for the money that you used to buy your DXM, I'd be very surprised if your addiction got to the point that it did.

 

[f33lg00d]

^ I totally agree. Switching to buying my dex totally made my use in a much more reasonable range. I'm 19 too, btw. Although buying wouldn't have made a difference last year when I had a few thousand dollars saved up... Turned all that into heroin and coke...

 

[JasperTheReckless]

I've been off DXM entirely save for a low dose trip (nearly all my trips are dysphoric, so it's a fitting punishment for caving) once every several months sometimes less, to remind me why I stopped.


I went way off the deep end, heavy abuse from age 15-19, and it took me 18 months sober from it completely before I could begin to see who I used to be. I was alienated from my own mind, things just felt WRONG.
I began pushing the limits, buried deep in a dissociative induced psychosis.

You can PM me if you would like some advice for dealing with the crash depression, the mentally foreign feeling; I know exactly how painful and confusing it can be.

I have TR's detailing the horrors of high dose DXM, after a particularly high dose, I told myself, it has to stop; it's killing me, mentally and physically. Ruining my personality, and my body. Two dislocated shoulders, broken fingers from discharging live ammunition (several occasions!) with a hammer while tripping, many stitches from injury on high doses, severe anxiety, worsening depression, bi polar, the list goes on.

I don't understand how people regard it as non addictive, that's never a safe label for ANYTHING and it's dangerous to tell people a drug is addiction proof. For fucks sake, some people are addicted to genital self mutilation. Drugs are a far cry easier to fall for!!!!!


I don't know if i'll ever escape it completely, my problems with DXM are still confusing to me sometimes, it presents few pros and many cons, and i'm still trying to get a grip.

-Chris

 

[JasperTheReckless]

*edit*

 

[JasperTheReckless]

^ I totally agree. Switching to buying my dex totally made my use in a much more reasonable range. I'm 19 too, btw.

I succeeded in cutting down use significantly doing this!

Just be sure to not venture to the store intoxicated, or it could present problems. ALL of my shoplifting fines are from stealing Dex ON Dex.

 

[willjerauld]

Exactly, because it basically put the 'fuck it' in my head and technically when you think about it, I had a neverending FREE supply. Who wouldn't want to get high for free? I can't even begin to tell anyone how much of this shit I've swiped off shelves.. and somehow I'm still here, no probation or anything (finished that up, ended last november) so I'm free.. but honestly once I got off probation my use absolutely skyrocketed

 

[willjerauld]

thanks for the reply. Without a doubt it is definitely addictive. Moreso than most substances I believe, besides the opiates of course, but I never had any problem with alcohol, cocaine, any other psychedelics and such, I never loved the feeling of any other substance as much as I do DXM, it just made me feel so alive, interested with the world, music sounded incredible, and it killed the time when I was bored as hell.. I justified my use so bad at the time.. but I just can't anymore. I hope my liver and kidneys are okay, I can't begin to explain the amount of DXM taken in shitload of cough syrups and pills, it just cannot be good for your body.. I'm 10 days sober going strong (I still take adderall for school, but that's completely different) and I have ADHD..

anyways.. I'm feeling OK, I think it could be worse, I just really reached my rock bottom the last time I used. I was alone, basically no friends (I have a handful of them left) because I let DXM absolutely take over who I was, and I became someone completely different from my normal self, and ruined friendships because of it.. Hope this will get better in time, I just pray that I don't fall into the trap again.. although this time I strongly believe I won't because the fear of being at that rock bottom again outweighs the desire to get high on it. Thank god for that. Gonna keep goin strong

 

[willjerauld]

I succeeded in cutting down use significantly doing this!

Just be sure to not venture to the store intoxicated, or it could present problems. ALL of my shoplifting fines are from stealing Dex ON Dex.

Great advice to someone, although I was REALLY good at stealing dex.. in my small town, no one would suspect a thing. Although I agree with what you said, about 80 out of every 100 times stealing dex I was definitely still tripping on it, I was very good at covering it up though. No one ever knew. I kept it secret to alot of people, although I amknown in my school, and even in my town, for using drugs, but I'm surprised at how many people talked about me when I used.. I was always known for being fucked up on something, even the kids that didn't know me knew that I was a druggie. Only my good friends knew that I was fucked up on DXM. Not anymore though! I hope to continue sobriety for as long as possible.. nothing good is going to come of my addiction to DXM.. if I continue I will not be successful in this world for sure

 

[ziggo]

I've done DXM at least 500 times in the past 5-6 years. I feel totally normal mentally and physically still.

 

[JasperTheReckless]

I've done DXM at least 500 times in the past 5-6 years. I feel totally normal mentally and physically still.

You need to quit using before you'll see what it's doing to you. Dosage plays a role as well, however, frequent dosing, or binging will both cause two different trials of damage.

 

[JasperTheReckless]

Great advice to someone, although I was REALLY good at stealing dex.. in my small town, no one would suspect a thing. Although I agree with what you said, about 80 out of every 100 times stealing dex I was definitely still tripping on it, I was very good at covering it up though. No one ever knew. I kept it secret to alot of people, although I amknown in my school, and even in my town, for using drugs, but I'm surprised at how many people talked about me when I used.. I was always known for being fucked up on something, even the kids that didn't know me knew that I was a druggie. Only my good friends knew that I was fucked up on DXM. Not anymore though! I hope to continue sobriety for as long as possible.. nothing good is going to come of my addiction to DXM.. if I continue I will not be successful in this world for sure

Sure, I was a pro at lifting it too.
What got me was sheer volume, and frequency of my thefts. I used to know when Walmart trucks came in because I was stealing so much syrup, I would have to switch to groceries and smaller pharmacies because they would have none left on the shelf. I resorted to the bargain brand CCC's kept behind the counter when the shelves were empty, only $2 a box for a fix.

I'd memorize patterns of how i'd cut through all the aisles with no cameras to avoid tipping off LP, I only ripped the sensor off, so they wouldn't find the boxes; I went during the largest shift change as far as I could tell, less workers; I went with groups of people, so they couldn't pinpoint who did it; I had endless tactics.
What got me popped was scanning barcodes with a QR scanner, waiting for people to leave my aisle, they stopped me on suspicion of conspiracy to fuel a methlab (Absent mindedly scanned lithium batteries). They thought I was planning to steal pallets of batteries or something. They questioned me for four hours about where I was stashing lithium strips and who was my boss. I was like, go fuck yourselves, i'm here for the syrup.......


I made the mistake of trying to drown my depression with a chemical that induces horrific crash depression and hopelessness. Every dose brought me up one peg, and then down five.

I got offered a rehab class or a year in prison when I was caught for the last time. I was terrified.

 

[treezy z]

i agree with everyone saying it's addictive, i found dxm and other dissociatives more addictive than any other drug in that it would take a trip to the psych ward or detox for me to stop every time. other drugs when the moneys out or i'm exhausted or for whatever reason i'll stop on my own. they just aren't as enjoyable to me as these ones. and i've done every drug you could list at least a few times.

 

[JasperTheReckless]

i agree with everyone saying it's addictive, i found dxm and other dissociatives more addictive than any other drug in that it would take a trip to the psych ward or detox for me to stop every time. other drugs when the moneys out or i'm exhausted or for whatever reason i'll stop on my own. they just aren't as enjoyable to me as these ones. and i've done every drug you could list at least a few times.

I found myself dosing far past the point of losing the glow and euphoria. No matter how dismal or uninteresting the actual trip, I began abusing it more along the lines of alcohol than a dissc or psy


Edit: Now that I think about it I cut WAY back on DXM abuse, even moreso, since I started drinking a lot. OP, I'd say watch out for potential alcoholism; it's an easy one to switch to after dropping Dex. It might be just me, but it makes sense for my situation.

 

[willjerauld]

Thanks for the reply. Yeah I've never had too much a problem with Alcohol so I'd say I'm okay with that; I haven't really gotten drunk in a good couple of months now, but after this weed tolerance break I'm on ends, I think I'll just stick with some of that here and there, at least I know I won't be frying my brain smoking herb. But we'll see. Right now the only thing I've taken is adderall which I have a script for, and does not get me high due to my ADHD, so I still consider myself sober.. it is not the adderall that I care about getting off, it's the DXM 100%. I'm doing it this time and no matter what I WILL abstain from using..

 

[JasperTheReckless]

Thanks for the reply. Yeah I've never had too much a problem with Alcohol so I'd say I'm okay with that; I haven't really gotten drunk in a good couple of months now, but after this weed tolerance break I'm on ends, I think I'll just stick with some of that here and there, at least I know I won't be frying my brain smoking herb. But we'll see. Right now the only thing I've taken is adderall which I have a script for, and does not get me high due to my ADHD, so I still consider myself sober.. it is not the adderall that I care about getting off, it's the DXM 100%. I'm doing it this time and no matter what I WILL abstain from using..

I have an extremely difficult time enjoying sobriety if I'm on any form of perscription medication; it ruins the image for me. I'm glad you are on the steps leading to being happier; DXM is a dark one, promises sweets and cuddles, then feeds you emptiness and pain; you won't miss DXM. You will however, miss what it USED to be when you first picked it up. Remember that fact, and it will help SO much.