Drug Cocktail Help.

[RichardKuklinski]

Hello all, allow me to provide some sort of background info on myself (this is my first post). Growing up, I had a pretty normal childhood although was very interested in drugs very early on. At 12 I was sneaking into my father's vicodin bottle and when he no longer received them I would buy off the street. From 12-15 I was constantly on punishment for drug use. After I became involved in sports, I was clean for a good while before a wrestling injury left me with another vicodin script. I continued to use until we moved to another state.
Here, from 16-18 I was clean and finished high school. My senior year I had to get a surgery which left me again addicted, this time to Tramadol. I continued to buy and get Tramadol all through my senior year. After school I found 30mg Roxicodone readily available (for a price, of course). I started substituting Roxy in place of the tramadol. I began taking 90+ Mg of oxy daily and quickly emptied a savings account as well as pawning my mother's jewelry (held much sentimental value, she spent near 3000 recovering these items).
When I was found out, I was forced to remain clean for a period of time. I was working for a good car dealership when the pain from my initial surgery started to flare (because I had not been working for a while before that). I kept telling myself I would not return to opiates. I do not know if I am weak or what, but I eventually caved in and before long was spending paychecks on oxy.
I lost my job and started selling for a crappy used car dealership. Heroin use as well as oxy abuse was, of course, rampant and readily available here. I went out with a "friend" who was my coworker. I thought we were going to do coke, but he tricked me into snorting heroin instead. I did not have any experience with H and very little with Coke so I could not tell before it was too late.
We were a pair after that. I "stole back" all the jewelry my mother recovered and sold it again, this time she was unable to get anything back. This has been one thing that completely haunts and terrorizes me, what i did to my mother. We were using all our money to ditch work and go score heroin, snorting it. This only lasted for about two months before an unrelated incident which ended my employment there, and we continued for a month after that. Eventually I came to discover Suboxone. It was very hard for me to use at first and made me very sick, but was cheaper and lasted much longer than both H and Oxy.
After my second major surgery for the same injury as before, I am left in quite a bit of pain that I am told will be life-long.
From age 19 to currently I have been struggling with getting off suboxone. My parents believe I have quit. I have done terrible things in my life. I have been obsessed with, and eventually involved in, organized crime. I am in pain every day. I cannot seem to get better or I keep falling down the same hole, wondering why I am not strong enough to have any self control.
Enough of that. The point is, I need to know what the most effective drug combination would be to achieve death. I have already thought it over, and any attempts to help or stop me will be met with hostility. I need information that I cannot seem to find on Google. I was thinking that if I could stop the suboxone for just about 2-3 days I would be able to OD on heroin. I have never injected anything before so it would be my first time shooting. I also would like to drink a fair amount of beer to help stop my respiratory system (I hear that's what does the actual thing itself).
I don't care what you think it feels like. If it is a painful death, then maybe that's what I deserve. I am not worried about a painless method so much as I am worried about effectiveness. Here's the part that's got me confused. Some folks say it's best to take a benzo too. What kind though? There are short acting ones like xanax, and long lasting ones like Clonazepam. Both of which I could get my hands on. Is there another drug, combo, or method I am overlooking? Please no religious talk or anything of the like. I already have the time and place chosen, although I will not reveal anything further on that.

Bonus Question: I really want to have a note with some kind of humor injected into it. The way I feel, I've made the decision already and it doesn't have to be some big scary thing. If anyone has ideas for some dark humour or anything else funny that they wouldn't miND me using for the note, I'd appreciate it. It would be super cool if I could make someone smile after I go

Thanks guys, I appreciate it a lot.

 

[VastEmpty]

Rich -

I am sorry you are struggling, it sounds like you've had an addiction problem pretty much your entire life. What sort of treatment have you been able to seek out for addiction?

Please don't delude yourself into thinking you can ease anyone's pain of losing you through injecting humor into your suicide note. I don't think that will help. But I appreciate what you are trying to do.

I am sorry I can't be of any help with your question. I am not comfortable advising anyone on how to kill themselves. I do, however, wish you all the best and hope that you are able to find what you are looking for, whatever that may be.

- VE

 

[herbavore]

We do not allow threads here that ask for advice about how to end one's life. I can understand your emotional state and I'm sure lots here can. There is no lack of empathy for your state of mind and certainly no lack of empathy for the cycles of addiction that have exhausted you, but there is perhaps a facet that you have not consideredthers' feelings. We may all have different views of suicide but no matter where those feelings and beliefs come from, encouraging someone to die is going to feel wrong to most of us. If you were asking us for physical help over the side of a bridge rather than a list of drugs I think you could understand that no one would do such a thing.

I get your message so for now I will not pester you with questions. You do not want to talk about something you probably feel has been talked to death already. I hope you will change your mind about your plan. I lost my son to despair--no suicide note and enough evidence either way (accidental or purposeful) about the overdose to leave us in question forever. No note, humorous or not, would give me any solace. I miss him. I miss the unique person he was. Your uniqueness, your life is truly in your hands--give it a good look. Look carefully and look under the surface of all the stories you tell yourself. Despair is only part of who you are. I am truly sorry that you feel this defeated.