Dont know what to do anymore, pls help

[Anon guy]

Words can’t begin to describe how i really feel, but ill try anyway. Oct 12th , gosh i can even remember the minute, was what i “thought” to be the best day of my life. The girl who i loved for 3 years final confessed that she liked me. After struggling so much, and praying so much, everything worked out great, right? Well not exactly…
The next day when we looked at each other all we could do was awkwardly smile at each other, and we were sort of embarrassed to even look at each other. Until i took her and said, “Listen what are we going to do from here” she replied saying “Well i have Mcats coming up so I’m very stressed out about that” i then made a deal with her that we would be reserved until she’s done and then we can be official. Gosh was i happy.. I was already so ecstatic about asking her out, that i was practically counting the days. The girl of my DREAMS finally liked me. 2 weeks in we were stronger than concrete. but that was the last of that run. i don’t know what exactly happened but day by day, she was acting a little more shady, a little more nervous. What could it be?! was it me? This is where my anxiety and overthinking came into play. I let it go. About a day after it was finally a month since the "greatest day of my life”she said we needed to talk. Oh boy i knew this wouldn’t be good. After much fussing and trying to get it out of her, she basically made it clear to me that she:
-Had commitment Issues
-Didn’t feel comfortable with me knowing yet, thus why she acted like that
-Decided we should decelerate back into friendship

There are no guarantees, we’ll just have to see if this could actually work out
Wow. what a low blow. After this convo i slowly felt like my world was crashing. No one goes through what i went through. Everyone would just leave right away, but i still waited. My heart was broken. What really was it, am i not good enough? Girls have come to me chasing after me, yet I’m so hung up on her. I love her. Now we’re here about 2 months since the “Best day” and i still don’t go whats going on. Whether she is ignoring me, laughing with me, getting mad at me, or even flirting with others infant of me. Its grown into an obsession with her. Its a constant fear that there are no guarantees. She could leave and be happy at any time, i would have to live with the consequences of that failed beginning of a relationship forever. 3 years invested and i was never told that i was good enough. I’ve learned to hate myself. I think its time to leave. To be happy, and to Finally love myself again. I was the face of the youth amongst our area. Everyone knew me, yet, i was the most broken on the inside. Day and night all i do is overthink, pray, and cry. My anxiety levels are through the roof. If i leave, what happens. Is that it? The person i imagined spending the rest of my life with wont be there anymore, and she even be falling in love with someone else. I can’t live with that in the back of my head. So everyday is a new day and a new emotion. When i leave will she regret all that she has done? Whats it going to be. The world may never know. I don’t know what to do, i feel helpless.

 

[placid space]

Dude believe it or not this is TYPICAL, happens to most ppl at least once. The one you had a crush on for the longest time, the one you secretly admired for years... Yeah, been there done that. Not just once.
The moment you start talking about feelings and not instantly acting on them and instead talk its usually over. You messed it up right there. Youll know for next time. 90% of women(lots of guys too) are like that unfortunately. The moment you come out with "i like you" "I love you" before even kissing or sth etc... , unless shes very very into you it has a strong potential to be over. Its just human nature, once she knows she has you, its not that fun anymore. The more mature and intelligent ones wont react that way and those are the keepers but most do. Never ever wait for it. After exams, im too busy, not now, commitement issues blabla. Its all complete and utter BS. Do you think that she would hesistate for a moment, for a blink of an eye, if you were someone she craved to be with, a rich playboy, a famous actor heh. No, not in the least.
The moment she said she likes you , you shouldve gone for it. Kiss her or whatever. Show her not tell her. Women are about feelings, guys are much more cerebral, while women orientate themselves more on the basis of their feelings. Nothing wrong with that, even better IMO, I wish women would rule the world but thats getting off topic.
And please for the love of whomever, do NOT pity yourself or feel sorry for yourself. Youre starting to idealize her, youre portraying her in your mind as something more than she is. Shes not that special dude, even though you believe that now. Trust me, that after a certain period of time youll feel foolish for allowing yourself to be so obssessed with her, this image of her. Also, if you two were so compatible youd be together. You cannot be with a person who doesnt feel like you do. Youd be miserable and shed be miserable. I know youre probably convincing yourself now "if only I could show her how much I care, it would be so great" "we would be so happy together" "know the real me, if shed allow me". Dont do that man. It doesnt work that way. Relationship is an organic thing, you cannot push it. You can nudge it here or there but dont push it. Never works.
So all in all, stop doing that to yourself, it silly. Not worth it. Shes not that special and a good relationship is a two way thing, currently its only one way and even this is unhealthy because youre slightly obsessed. That is very bad for a relationship, things need to be in balance.
But lets say you still want it. Wait a while. Maybe ignore her for a while. Then ask her to meet you after a month in the evening for a drink. Catch up and as you for example leave the bar, just take her hand, tell her you dont know how you feel exactly (or sth,BS it a little, just dont say you like her a lot or even worse love her, that comes much later) and that shes hot and you dont want to be her friend but youd like to try something. If she tries to talk just shush her or put your finger on her lips or whatever and kiss her. If it works it works, if it doesnt it doesnt. At least youll get it out of your system.

 

[gmlifer]

Been there done that. Seems like kind of a right of passage to self worth. Overcome your fears and grow.

 

[Don Quixote]

Been there done that. Seems like kind of a right of passage to self worth. Overcome your fears and grow.

+1 this, and placid space. Male been there done that.

Whatever happens (particularly if it doesn't work out) you gotta let this shit go. Obsessions like these can be quite detrimental in my experience. I've been spun out on chicks like this when i was younger and when it fell through i was gutted, floored. To hold onto this much raw emotion is like holding a live hand grenade in my opinion. It's going to pop, question is where. It also appears as though you've reached a stage where your emotions are turning inwards, questioning your own self worth and validity. That is not a healthy state of mind my friend. I'm sure you're worth something, but you can't scale or judge yourself against the experiences with this woman. You're a man beyond any other. Not for better or for worse, but for your own self.

You sound reasonably young, mid to late 20's? Sorry to say, but this world has a whole lot of awkward, anxiety fuelling shit to throw at you yet. But there are also many new and undiscovered beauties, and indeed many, many more women out there. She may have been the one, she may not have been. Maybe nobody gets the one. Go find another, but probably focus on yourself for a little at least. If these anxiety issues are pervasive and crippling, perhaps consider professional help?

Sort out the issue with this woman, and explain to her your feelings if you wish to maintain the relationship, but first ask yourself in as rational a mind as you can, whether you can a) stomache a relationship with her after this heartache, and b) whether your wanting to hold onto the relationship is realistic, and not of purely selfish purposes. If you do not want to persue the possibility of what you want, but still maintain some relationship after having reviewed above, then i'd definitely recommend some time away to start with, and then a slow re-integration. If you try to throw yourself in with a brave face but still open wounds, you may end up wrecking the relationship and causing more awkwardness and anxiety. I personally would sever the relationship at this point, but it's not my call to make.

Although you've invested an apparently large amount of emotional energy in this woman, the response that she gave you are red-flag for non-comittance. If it is a life you want to build with this love of your life, and not just some cheap fling or even mid-long term fuckbuddy, then from the brief information you've given, i'm sorry but it doesn't appear like there's a future in her.
But stranger things have happened.