anna! said:
It's never someone else's fault when years of therapy are undone. You need to take control of the situation when you see the warning signs.
There were no warning signs... There never have been... How many times do I need to say this? It's why i'm freaking out so badly. (And apparently you have NO idea how PTSD works...)
I've had serious crushes on guys that were off limits or just outright bad for me, and I handled that just fine. I've been in a few fledgling relationships where I saw big flashing red lights and ended it right then and there, and there wasn't a problem, and I went on my merry way. One of the guys I even stopped talking to altogether (as did mutual friends) because it became apparent how deep the problems ran... However, I've never had someone extend the same courtesy to me...
None of you know me personally, and none of you have seen the progress I've made in the last 5 years. At age 17, I was barely a functioning person. I'm hardly the perfect friend or girlfriend now, but the few friends I do have will tell you I'm a great person. I'm giving, caring, selfless, fun, and intelligent, and only in the past few years did I even realize I had any positive qualities at all. I still don't always believe it. I respect everyone's input, but 1) you're seeing me only a couple days after being cheated on by the first person I opened up to in several years, so you have absolutely no accurate gauge of what I'm actually like, and 2) almost NONE of you have answered my only two questions. I'll repeat: Does this sort of thing happen often where there are NO warning signs and someone just up and leaves? How would you deal with it/how do you think I should deal with it?
You can all say "love yourself tra la la" - I know that already, and it's something I'm working on - but I come from a very fucked up background. When stuff like this happens to me, my reactions are severe. However, I can assure you, I'm just fine in NORMAL situations, even bad ones. And i know, "OMG how is it possible that there were no warning signs?!?! You must just be blind or dumb or both!" Given how many of that response I've gotten, I guess it doesn't happen that often. So I suppose that's a good thing, but after how many times it has happened to *me*, I'm starting from a serious interpersonal deficit that I'm guessing you don't understand.
Please, either answer my question, or stop telling me how fucked up I am. I know I have problems, and I know what they are, and know how to address them. Amidst all the bullshit this guy fed me, he told me repeatedly when he called that I did nothing wrong and blah blah blah. I'm not sure why he would say that if it weren't the case. As far as I can tell, he did probably like me quite a bit, but he got drunk and cheated and didn't know what to do, and now he likes the other girl more or at least feels better staying with her than coming back to me after what he did.