Unfortunately, due to uncontrolled, totally unsupervised barbiturate withdrawal, cold turkey, enforced when got thrown into prison (wrongly so at that)
coupled with near starvation, to the point of when past more than a month of delirium tremens, seizures and worse besides, didn't even know food was there, looked like an auschwitz victim after I became able to see my own body again. The excitotoxicity from combined GABA antagonism (or is withdrawal closer to inverse agonism?) and the AMPAr blocking effects of barbiturate drugs, it totally trashed me, and I am, many many years later still struggling with day to day life.
In truth it surprises me greatly that given I find it very difficult to cook FOOD, that I remain competent in the lab, whilst I am now totally mathmatically blind, I was always dyscalculic, very, very severely so, now I find it impossible to do more than count a few coins in change, and THAT is difficult as hell, or round figures with notes. I must now use chemistry oriented calculators for every single thing I do in the lab. And I forget often to put the tops back on reagent bottles. I have to be constantly hypervigilant in there.
But, whilst its really hard to cook a meal, I yet somehow remain competent in the lab.
So yes, there is longterm and quite severe neurological injury, and at that one that has had quite a lot of selectivity towards targeting short term and working memory, plus encoding those into longterm memories. Do you guys have any idea why this might be? (the remaining active in the lab? sometimes I've thought I wouldn't be able to cope anymore, but my results are still good. And I am, it must be said, most unusually and extremely dedicated to what I do. Because it IS, what i DO. If that makes sense. Have been at the scientific literature since I was a toddler, I jest not, I even taught myself to read using textbooks in mycology and botany at age 2-3. Must have been earlier than age three, since I had a conversation with my remaining living grandfather the other day not long after my mother died and he reminded me that I was already a quite competent mycologist at 3yo.
Do you think the combination of a deep, deep deep love for the subjects scientific, particularly chemistry, mycology and botany, as well as study of psychotropic agents, has more to do with things? or perhaps being on the autistic spectrum (classic/Kanner's phenotype.....*rock..rock...flapflapflap...*lines up his glassware repeatedly and has his reagents stacked in super-neat rows, labels turned JUST SO, and loves it that way*)
Or perhaps duration of the seeking of knowledge. Else maybe having a lot more 'juice' to work with than a significant proportion of folk (note, please PLEASE do not take me for boasting, or even trying to. I am not. But this question cannot be asked without my having to admit to being very intelligent, and the intellect I do have being extremely focused upon the subjects I so dearly adore. Because for me, science is, and has ALWAYS been, since the very first moment I could first pick up a book and decipher what the letters on the pages said, nothing short of an addiction as deeply entrenched, and indeed more so since I not only could never shake that off, but would never, ever EVER want to live any other way. The thought alone, of being unable to live amongst my beakers, buchners, sep funnel, soxhlet, condensers, flasks and all manner of reagents from the benign to the MOPP suit and O2 supply jobs, it is as a living breathing hell to me.)
Or is there a neurological, physiological explanation for this that could explain why and how even damaged as I have become, I still manage to pull my weight?