Do you know a compulsive liar?

[Michael_25]

My sister. She lies constantly. She lies so much that she can't keep track of what she said to whom.

5 months ago she told me she doesn't smoke week because it makes paranoid. Now, when I spoke to her last week, she blazes 24/7.

She also mentioned that when she was 20 years younger guys at 7-11s and grocery stores would come up and hit on her, because she was so beautiful back then. Fuck off, she's a 4/10 at best (I'm being generous here). She lied about her drinking habits, too. She mentioned that she got done for a DUI and had her licence cancelled for 6 month. Yet she got her licence back after 3 weeks, so she says.

All this nonsense lying is pissing me off.

How would you guys deal with a family member who does nothing but lie about their lives?

 

[G_Chem]

Not talk to them.

-GC

 

[Michael_25]

Not talk to them.

She's on good terms with most of my family, It's just his non-stop bullshit stories she spins that pisses me off.

Another example: Recently she told me she wants to study electrical engineering as, as she said, "I'm interested in how electricity works". That's not even what electrical engineers do, for fuck's sake.

 

[ageingpartyfiend]

You can't control her lying, so best thing to do is just not get pissed off as that makes you feel nasty. Water off a duck's back.

She may not be able to help it , could be allsorts of issues/reasons

Or you could, perhaps, pull her up on it gently...ask what's goin on?

 

[Michael_25]

Or you could, perhaps, pull her up on it gently...ask what's goin on?

I was thinking of asking her what's going on with her contradictory statements and blatant lies. I'm worried that she will get pissed off as I'm doubting her word. However, I have reason to doubt her word from all the pass bullshit stories she's given me.

 

[JahBeeuS]

No, not at all.

 

[skipjames]

How would you guys deal with a family member who does nothing but lie about their lives?

Love them despite their flaws as- if setting their BS aside you get along well? My father (RIP) was an almost compulsive liar, It pissed me off A LOT, I still wonder whether it was due to some untreated mental condition and or unresolved trauma, or if he was just taking the piss, or if it was his artistic output, or whatever. He was a great dad anyway so fuck it....

 

[Dreamflyer]

I had one friend years ago who was actually a really great guy, but I think that he was a little bit insecure so he always made up these epic stories.

He was slightly mentally-challenged and worked as a grocery bagger at Stop & Shop, but he would tell numerous tales about saving customers from being shot by robbers, using himself as a human shield and things of that nature. He probably had ten or more stories that were very similar.

One time he asked me why people laughed and rolled their eyes when he said these things. I politely suggested that maybe he should just be himself and not pretend to be such a hero all the time.

He agreed with me, but unfortunately he never took my advice and continued to tell these tall tales. In the end though, he married a nice lady and spent the last few years of his life seemingly happy until he passed away from cancer in his 40's.

I miss him.

 

[jasperkent]

I've known a couple compulsive liars over the years. I learned to act like I believed them, sort of egging them on to see how outrageous the lies would get. It was hard to keep a straight face but I heard some hilarious whoppers.

(edit) Here's one example:
I knew a bartender (Knoxville, 1980s) who claimed he owned a string of condos in Florida. He was a self-made multimillionaire who tended bar just for fun.
He also told me about the time he was alone in the bar when a dozen guys in an outlaw motorcycle gang came in. They started giving him a hard time so he had to beat them all up-- even though they had knives, chains, brass knuckles, etc. He said he literally threw them all out the door.

 

[gordonliddy]

She's on good terms with most of my family, It's just his non-stop bullshit stories she spins that pisses me off.

Another example: Recently she told me she wants to study electrical engineering as, as she said, "I'm interested in how electricity works". That's not even what electrical engineers do, for fuck's sake.

You know what you're saying makes sense. I'm ...probably not any better at dealing with people than you are?

But in similar situations I just try to show minimal reactions to people like this. A fair amount of what she's saying is probably meant to earn your approval or to seek attention. So you will never have the relationship with your sister that you want, it seems.

But yeah, if she's getting more attention from the rest of the family, and if what you really want (other than for her to grow up?) is for her to leave you alone, I would just try to play everything down.

 

[foodcrisis]

i'm pretty sure when people start to lie like that it's because of a mental disorder... i might just pity her and go along with her just not to hurt her. like it's not really your problem if a person is living with lies. i think it's kind of sad and can see how it bothers you. i've met people like that before. usually i just kind of reply with a "yeah" like i'm borderline in disbelief but could still potentially believe them.

 

[ĐmantuNJofra]

Yeah you and me what a fuckin thread on this beautiful site

 

[Michael_25]

Or you could, perhaps, pull her up on it gently...ask what's goin on?

Though about it ... but then thought that may just add fuel to the fire.

He also told me about the time he was alone in the bar when a dozen guys in an outlaw motorcycle gang came in. They started giving him a hard time so he had to beat them all up-- even though they had knives, chains, brass knuckles, etc. He said he literally threw them all out the door.

Fucking lmao. That's extreme.

A fair amount of what she's saying is probably meant to earn your approval or to seek attention.

I thought this could be the case, too.

'm pretty sure when people start to lie like that it's because of a mental disorder... i might just pity her and go along with her just not to hurt her.

This is what I've been doing. Basically just saying, "yeah, right. Ok."

Whenever I find myself lying, it's usually because I'm afraid to tell the truth.

I lie, too. But only white lies. And I think everyone does it. But not everyone fabricates grandiose stories, as my sister does.

 

[Juniper Bruhmomentius]

For sure there are them in the drug game. Those are the best/worst at making stories why their payment to you didnt go through or some shit. Always in trouble

Truth is strength imo.

 

[Dreamflyer]

I only tell white lies, and it's usually so that I don't hurt someone's feelings or upset them in any way.

Either that, or if I've done something that I'm afraid might get me in some type of trouble, like smoking a joint.

 

[jasperkent]

I only tell white lies, and it's usually so that I don't hurt someone's feelings or upset them in any way.

Either that, or if I've done something that I'm afraid might get me in some type of trouble, like smoking a joint.

Lying to your parents, your boss, or the police doesn't even count as lying. Isn't that an unwritten rule that almost everyone understands and agrees with?

 

[alasdairm]

a white lie is still a lie.

i think there's a danger in the "i only lie if it's for a good reason" approach because you tell yourself that you're doing it to prevent somebody from hearing something which will hurt them. well, in doing that, you're saying that your right to decide what is and isn't right for them to hear is more important than their right to make that distinction themselves. you're coopting the person's agency to a degree.

often, it seems, the fact that somebody can't be honest with their partner about something incredibly mundane, is a sign of something more fundamentally wrong with the relationship...

alasdair

 

[Juniper Bruhmomentius]

a white lie is still a lie.

i think there's a danger in the "i only lie if it's for a good reason" approach because you tell yourself that you're doing it to prevent somebody from hearing something which will hurt them. well, in doing that, you're saying that your right to decide what is and isn't right for them to hear is more important than their right to make that distinction themselves. you're coopting the person's agency to a degree.

often, it seems, the fact that somebody can't be honest with their partner about something incredibly mundane, is a sign of something more fundamentally wrong with the relationship...

alasdair

Factual. Below are the allowed ones.

Lying to your parents, your boss, or the police doesn't even count as lying. Isn't that an unwritten rule that almost everyone understands and agrees with?

 

[psych0Naut!Lus]

Yes the lunatic in the mirror

 

[CFC]

My sister. She lies constantly. She lies so much that she can't keep track of what she said to whom.

5 months ago she told me she doesn't smoke week because it makes paranoid. Now, when I spoke to her last week, she blazes 24/7.

She also mentioned that when she was 20 years younger guys at 7-11s and grocery stores would come up and hit on her, because she was so beautiful back then. Fuck off, she's a 4/10 at best (I'm being generous here). She lied about her drinking habits, too. She mentioned that she got done for a DUI and had her licence cancelled for 6 month. Yet she got her licence back after 3 weeks, so she says.

All this nonsense lying is pissing me off.

How would you guys deal with a family member who does nothing but lie about their lives?

Narcissists lie compulsively like this in order to maintain their fictional world view and delusional self-perception. You aren't going to achieve much arguing with them or showing them facts to prove they're wrong. Detaching from them as much as possible and grey rocking are some of the best management techniques for handling them if you can't entirely excise them from your life. This is what I try to do with my aunt, who's textbook NPD and a toxic vampire. It can be difficult though. My preference would be to just cut her out of my (our) lives entirely and pretend she doesn't exist.