Mental Health Do you feel out of place sometimes?

[demonapocalypse]

Im a college student and hadn't had a genuinely good time in so long that I began to think that there was something really wrong with me that wouldn't allow me to enjoy anything. I try to go out with my friends every weekend to bars and stuff but always end the night feeling like shit, I don't really know why but I think it has to do with me being jealous of the people around me who always seem to be having fun. It makes me feel like there's something wrong with me, does anyone else get that feeling like you just don't understand other people? I get it a lot, but whenever I go out its probably the most pronounced.

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

does anyone else get that feeling like you just don't understand other people?

Yes.
Constantly for decades now. No matter where I am I am "different" and "out of place". Oddly (or not) I do not exactly fit in with any one clique or group but I can also fit in anywhere under almost all circumstances. Just been around a little and we grow and hopefully learn social skills whereby we can become self sustaining.
Not fitting in is a good omen imo.
Peace

 

[stardust10]

I feel this too.

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

Yeah, yeah, I think that thinkers feel this way a lot. Chances are that there are people out there with whom you can become really good friends. It is hard to muster up the energy to explore, and to put yourself out there, though. It's probably a more common thing than many of us think.

 

[wareika]

Word on the street is that getting laid helps

Sorry if that seems sarcastic or coarse, its obviously none of my business, but i believe this is what drives a fair bit of my social anxiety. i.e. yearning for a connection & something more real....and if that drive is frustrated or complicated or whatever, then a person in a certain situation might have a hellish time in a social situation. Even indirectly, as in 'ah i was chilling with my best mates and there was zero pressure but i still felt my anxieties/hatreds licking at me'...

Perhaps you can search your soul (cheesy term sorry) for what your heart is really wanting at this point in your life.

Maybe its other types of connection, but sex has been the time trusted method our species keeping sane & at least feeling a bit connected.

So i was wondering about that in your situation because psycho-physically-physiologically theres unlikely to be much that compares. But obvs my desired style of intimacy is unlikely to match yours but its the
physical aspect/interface that counts.

Also dancing of course, cos i could just tune out of sexual politics for a whole night, plus stay in body. Dancing. (find the music to lose yourself to?) Anything physical like that. And of course dancing is a good way to keep yourself around people, even youre taking long breaks being alone

 

[endlessnameless]

Felt the same man. Always felt like a lone wolf my entire life. Oddly enough though, I can get along with pretty much anyone when I put in the effort and I'm told people find me to be pretty personable and extroverted - but I've just always felt different from my peers and I never could quite put my finger on why I've felt this way. Best conclusion I've been able to meet is its as a result of being moved around to various nannies/minders/family members as a very young child while my mother and father worked full time coupled with both growing up as an only child until the age of 9 when my younger brother was born along with not ever feeling loved enough from my mother. My father always showed my love though - as much as a father typically would in that day and age.

My interests have always been very different to those of my peers too, I got into Mysticism and Magick at a very early age and that propelled me into philosophy, theosophy and other areas that the typical 10-14 year old just wouldnt be into. I'm not saying I felt in anyway intellectually superior to my peers when I began discovering my passion for these areas though, lets get that one straight - if anything I felt particularly intellectually inferior for a long time. Also, some of what I came across on my mystical path and especially in my philosophical studies lead me into something of an existential crisis by the time I was in my 20's which was both a good and a bad experience, but that's the nature of following that path - especially the mystical path. Sorry, I'm starting to rant here.

But yeah man I definitely feel out of place quite a lot and tend to prefer my own company. An extroverted introvert if that makes any sense. In college I sat back in the beginning and just studied everyone for awhile - then I slipped in and made my social moves but strategically so based off what I observed. I clicked the bullies, clicked the quiet ones, clicked the confident ones and the sly ones. I don't know what kind of behaviour you'd even call that but it just comes naturally for me to do that for some reason.


I think it has to do with me being jealous of the people around me who always seem to be having fun. It makes me feel like there's something wrong with me, does anyone else get that feeling like you just don't understand other people? I get it a lot, but whenever I go out its probably the most pronounced.

Sounds to me like you may be going through some mild-moderate depression. That's how I felt when my depression was beginning - it was almost like everyone around me was on coke and I was completely depleted of a single millilitre of serotonin/dopamine/norepinephrine. Even my movements were slowed down and I would eventually see myself becoming quieter and quieter until I was practically mute. Try everything you can to not let these feelings allow you to withdraw into social isolation though mate because once that happened to me it took me years to get over it and I still carry the lone-wolf complex around with me to this day.

 

[wareika]

think it has to do with me being jealous of the people around me who always seem to be having fun.

> jeezus fukn christ. helll-000!!
> by which i mean you really describd my experience. "a suspicion of fun, a hatred of fun, an eternal exclusionary feeling from or inability of fun.." And in my case but also in a mostly universal sense i am guessing than FUN for a proportion of humans wants to involve some kind of physical frollicking - whether romantic, carnal, platonic touch, sensuality or intimacy in some form. And imagine those two things
1 fun - thats a word but also a real thing, Vitality! vital experience of life
2 sensual physicality/or intimacy . . .
i think for many they will be entwined, actually i think they are bio-spiritually entwined soz might be slight overstep.

intriguing post endlessnameless!

 

[wareika]

think it has to do with me being jealous of the people around me who always seem to be having fun.

> jeezus fukn christ. helll-000!!
> by which i mean you really describd my experience. "a suspicion of fun, a hatred of fun, an eternal exclusionary feeling from or inability of fun.." And in my case but also in a mostly universal sense i am guessing than FUN for a proportion of humans wants to involve some kind of physical frollicking - whether romantic, carnal, platonic touch, sensuality or intimacy in some form. And imagine those two things
1 fun - thats a word but also a real thing, Vitality! vital experience of life
2 sensual physicality/or intimacy . . .
i think for many they will be entwined, actually i think they are bio-spiritually entwined soz might be slight overstep.

intriguing post endlessnameless!

I take that back. That was dogmatic. Bio-spiritually entwined" guff. (And that might be the case, but i want to recognize the exceptions, such as those who dont desire human company, let alone touch. Some live whole life in solitude apparently. And all other multiplicities of Kreator.

 

[endlessnameless]

I don't want to take over OPs post but I do have something to say about what you just wrote there @blue kringle in terms of those who don't desire human company. After my first (and so far still my only real) love passed away at the age of 15, I didn't feel at least a natural desire to be intimate with another woman for years after. I still did have relationships with women but some didn't involve sexual penetration at all. Everything else but actual coitus. It wasnt until I was 17 (3 years later) that I tried again but I didn't seek them out, they sought me out and while I did love these women and have loved women since, I havent felt comfortable in an intimate relationship in a long time. Then again opioids do have a way of killing the sex drive so I tend to put it down to that.

Actually I think I'll move over to the Sex and Relationships forum as I feel bad here taking over this guys thread with my rambling on about utter puzzle of a self.

 

[stardust10]

Didn't really want to start an entire new thread, maybe should have but maybe this could be slightly relatable to op, but I was wondering if anyone has found any ways in coping with this? It really gets me down. I can't build new friendships it seems, and always hit a social wall if you wanna call it that, it's hard to explain. I think people see me as "bubbly" or the weirdo in the corner who's personality doesn't match up to who they perceive me to be. I would also describe myself as both introvert and extrovert, I am able to speak to a wide range of personalities and get on with people but I just can't connect with people on a level near enough everyone else around me can - even those with social or other forms of anxiety it seems. It feels like to me that I either act a clown (not my true self) or am so anxiety ridden about what the normal social etiquette is that I won't keep in touch with people out of what is probably an illogical fear of I don't know!? Like I desperately want to be more happy-go-lucky I used to be but even then I viewed myself as the person people gravitated toward because I was a bit of a party animal had drugs etc. It's at the point where I've identified this as a big factor that makes me feel depressed and reclusive. Strange thing is I'm fine with first meetings it's really building a bond with people that I struggle at. Sorry if this has no value to thread. It's cool to know I'm not the only one that feels different, but it seems like people here who do feel this way are able to form bonds and have a casual laughs with each other etc (hard to put in to words sorry) and I'm just curious 1.is it a conscious effort or natural? 2. If so any tips on how u make it happen naturally? 3. Do you deal with regret or dread when it comes to socializing and again if so any tips? Edit: Furthermore, I've surrounded myself with people who love what I do before - drugs and music and it got me feeling out of place still. Even with my own fucking family I feel different or like the odd ball, cause I am, maybe I just need to accept this but it's very depressing not being able to communicate your true self because of crippling anxiety/depression/whatever. And now with lockdown/a long term toxic relationship I just got out of, I've practically pushed my last friends away and how can I make new ones?

 

[partyflakes]

Im a college student and hadn't had a genuinely good time in so long that I began to think that there was something really wrong with me that wouldn't allow me to enjoy anything. I try to go out with my friends every weekend to bars and stuff but always end the night feeling like shit, I don't really know why but I think it has to do with me being jealous of the people around me who always seem to be having fun. It makes me feel like there's something wrong with me, does anyone else get that feeling like you just don't understand other people? I get it a lot, but whenever I go out its probably the most pronounced.

It may be down to the activities you are taking part in are unfulfilling to you, find something you are truly passionate about and surround yourself with people that are as passionate as you are about it. Obviously that's a lot easier said than done but then what isn't. Try new hobbies and put yourself out there. There's nothing wrong with you and I think there's a lot of people out there that feel a similar way to you, you can't force yourself to have fun when the thing you're doing isn't particularly fun to you.

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

I am out of place at this very time. Maybe where we need to be for now but there is an exodus. Can look back in hind-sight and sift it all out.

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

I always feel out of place. Only exceptions are with a handful of people who 'get' me.
Main reasons is being autistic and depressive, also having been born physically a bit fucked - up. I've always been an outsider even when I desperately didn't want to be. I have a great talent at misreading social cues and saying the exact wrong things at the exact wrong times etc.

PS you sound like you have the classic symptoms of a depression. The most common sign is exactly this feeling like you can't find pleasure in anything and like you're under a cheese bell, seperated from the rest of humanity by this invisible barrier. You can see and hear everything but you can't interact on a deeper level

 

[ovenbakedskittles]

Im a college student and hadn't had a genuinely good time in so long that I began to think that there was something really wrong with me that wouldn't allow me to enjoy anything. I try to go out with my friends every weekend to bars and stuff but always end the night feeling like shit, I don't really know why but I think it has to do with me being jealous of the people around me who always seem to be having fun. It makes me feel like there's something wrong with me, does anyone else get that feeling like you just don't understand other people? I get it a lot, but whenever I go out its probably the most pronounced.

Going out to bars and stuff is not for everyone. It may be that you are craving an experience that is more fulfilling and gives your life purpose.

It also might be that you have built a habit of forcing a good time instead of letting go and enjoying the present moment and not caring whether you have a good time or not.

I would suggest learning about your self and finding what you truly genuinely want out of life and sinking into the feeling of depression and accepting it rather than trying to avoid it or change it or thinking that it should be some other way.

There maybe some things in your life that are out of alignment that may not seem like they have anything to do with your dilemma and it’s just a matter of becoming aware of those thoughts and feelings that you have suppressed and avoided. They build up and gradually cause lack of energy and motivation and interest in activities that used to give you joy. That is what psychotherapists classify as clinically depressed. Medication is not needed though. Just inner awareness and focusing on present moment.

 

[wareika]

Going out to bars and stuff is not for everyone. It may be that you are craving an experience that is more fulfilling and gives your life purpose.

It also might be that you have built a habit of forcing a good time instead of letting go and enjoying the present moment and not caring whether you have a good time or not.

I would suggest learning about your self and finding what you truly genuinely want out of life and sinking into the feeling of depression and accepting it rather than trying to avoid it or change it or thinking that it should be some other way.

There maybe some things in your life that are out of alignment that may not seem like they have anything to do with your dilemma and it’s just a matter of becoming aware of those thoughts and feelings that you have suppressed and avoided. They build up and gradually cause lack of energy and motivation and interest in activities that used to give you joy. That is what psychotherapists classify as clinically depressed. Medication is not needed though. Just inner awareness and focusing on present moment.

Yup, don't let any social matrix determine how you feel or who you wanna be, Demonapocalypse. Nice name btw

 

[wareika]

Yup, don't let any social matrix determine how you feel or who you wanna be, Demonapocalypse. Nice name btw

But as ovenbaked said theres really no way around the 'work' of tuning into yourself & how you feel. Prettty difficult work, in a way, ive been putting it off for years. What im referring to in my case is silence, meditation, qi gong. Meditation capitalised..

 

[demonapocalypse]

Word on the street is that getting laid helps

Sorry if that seems sarcastic or coarse, its obviously none of my business, but i believe this is what drives a fair bit of my social anxiety. i.e. yearning for a connection & something more real....and if that drive is frustrated or complicated or whatever, then a person in a certain situation might have a hellish time in a social situation. Even indirectly, as in 'ah i was chilling with my best mates and there was zero pressure but i still felt my anxieties/hatreds licking at me'...

Perhaps you can search your soul (cheesy term sorry) for what your heart is really wanting at this point in your life.

Maybe its other types of connection, but sex has been the time trusted method our species keeping sane & at least feeling a bit connected.

So i was wondering about that in your situation because psycho-physically-physiologically theres unlikely to be much that compares. But obvs my desired style of intimacy is unlikely to match yours but its the
physical aspect/interface that counts.

Also dancing of course, cos i could just tune out of sexual politics for a whole night, plus stay in body. Dancing. (find the music to lose yourself to?) Anything physical like that. And of course dancing is a good way to keep yourself around people, even youre taking long breaks being alone

Ive been w the same girl for a year but its not really fulfilling, doesn't really make me feel any better besides when we fuck lol. I also wish I could dance idk how to but if I was good id be busting moves all the time lmao

 

[yubacity]

I have that when i quit the gear and coke and try to hang around normal people it just bores the hell out of me and i feel they judging mew for being on the gear. They are great friends that went the normal way and they love me but I don't feel at ease

 

[deficiT]

I feel this feel literally all the time bro. No matter what the situation is, I'll overanalyze and get depressed, just trying to be happy around others but generally failing to accomplish that, due to my eccentricities and impulsive social behavior. It's difficult.

Have you ever gotten tested to see if you have social anxiety? It's pretty common. I get it bad, for me it's just one factor of a larger mental illness though.

 

[Lem714]

I constantly feel out of place. There is no rhyme nor reason to it. Like the OP I can find myself in the ‘normal’ types of situations that are sociable, and even if I know the majority of the people I’m with I always feel out of place. After years of this I have concluded that I’m simply not a social creature. Frankly I do my bests to avoid social situations and I don’t feel at all bad for feeling that way. I accept I am someone who doesn’t enjoy being with more than 2-3 people at a time. Jus because social situations are great for some people, and often seem to be encouraged by those who enjoy it and society in general, nobody should feel at all bad for having a personal preference. Personally I can’t cope with big groups. I can’t really hear anything which is said and it gives me a headache trying to keep up. As a younger person it was deemed that you were a ‘loner’, and that was somehow wrong. As I got older I accepted myself for who I am and I make no apologies for that. I have a job which requires social skills so I just fake that until I can be peaceful again. Nobody is under obligation to fit in to the social norms of whatever group they are with. Sometimes you have to grin and bear it, but I have been far happier since I accepted myself for who I am. I far prefer online acquaintances to real life ones, except for my wife, family, and 5-6 guys I have been friends with since I was a teenager. To thyme own self be true I guess!