Scared Do you ever…

[xtcgrrrl]

…just get scared sometimes? Like, it’s late at night and you can’t sleep and you’re kind of down but you don’t know why, and you start thinking about death for what must be the millionth time? Getting scared of the inevitability of it all over again. And then you think about all the possible hurt and pain that lies before you. Some of which is also inevitable: the deaths of your parents, for example. The deaths of your pets. And (for me) the horrors of another half a lifetime trapped in a body that doesn’t fucking work the way it’s supposed to. The deafness is bad enough, but that I can handle; it’s the chronic pain that really gets me. Not to mention a too-long list of other symptoms that I rarely mention, because who wants to be around a whiner? Everything I think generally comes out my mouth, I’m no good at keeping things to myself, but this I do try to keep close to my vest. Even with my parents, even with the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. During the day, it’s easy enough to act tough, as if nothing hurts (physically or otherwise.) But at night, all my fears and worries come out to play. I think about things I can’t bear to even THINK about too much: worries about my children, fear of being alone again. Fear of my own mind.

There are people who have had drug addictions, and then there are addicts. I know which one I am.

 

[AngelsandFairiesarereal]

Hola xtcgrrrl,
Yes I get scared a lot. I have pretty severe PTSD so it gets pretty bad sometimes. I have chronic pain and permanent injuries from some pretty bad violence & traumas & escaping my ex who tried to murder me. Sometimes the chronic pain & injuries can drive me a little insane. I think it’s really strong sometimes to just reach out & be completely honest about how you are feeling.

I wish I could give better words, my minds a little foggy today but I just wanted to let you know you are not alone & you have a beautiful lite that shines from you
Gentle hug

 

[Snafu in the Void]

Not many things scare me. I'm not a tough guy or anything, I just have an emotional indifference to most things like death or suffering. I have anxiety about the weirdest, smallest things, though. Neurodivergent stuff I guess.

But what really scares me sometimes is thinking about having another psychosis. I think this may be due to PTSD from my last major one. It truly terrifies me and keeps me up at night. Fear and rumination, almost obsessive. I truly believe it is a fate worse than death.

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

But at night, all my fears and worries come out to play.

Mine do this. If it is not too overwhelming I have found it useful in that in the dark and alone I can fucus more and there are very little (or no) distractions.
But yes my mind is spinning constantly about everything forever.
The despair is a part of it. Losing eventually....
is there any drug taken during the day that could lead to a "crash" at night leaving one in this state of coming undone?
Not a plug but if ya wanna distraction for your phone try insight timer its pretty cool and have some relaxing and calming "distractions" that may be helpful.
Looks like this:

 

[MsDiz]

…just get scared sometimes? Like, it’s late at night and you can’t sleep and you’re kind of down but you don’t know why, and you start thinking about death for what must be the millionth time? Getting scared of the inevitability of it all over again. And then you think about all the possible hurt and pain that lies before you. Some of which is also inevitable: the deaths of your parents, for example. The deaths of your pets. And (for me) the horrors of another half a lifetime trapped in a body that doesn’t fucking work the way it’s supposed to. The deafness is bad enough, but that I can handle; it’s the chronic pain that really gets me. Not to mention a too-long list of other symptoms that I rarely mention, because who wants to be around a whiner? Everything I think generally comes out my mouth, I’m no good at keeping things to myself, but this I do try to keep close to my vest. Even with my parents, even with the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. During the day, it’s easy enough to act tough, as if nothing hurts (physically or otherwise.) But at night, all my fears and worries come out to play. I think about things I can’t bear to even THINK about too much: worries about my children, fear of being alone again. Fear of my own mind.

There are people who have had drug addictions, and then there are addicts. I know which one I am.

I get you completely, I have a lot of anxiety and many times in the wee hours my mind can go to scary places. I also deal with chronic pain everyday and it really does wear you down.

The thing that helps me when I’m starting to go down a dark path at night is picking up a book and reading for a while. Just taking my mind to a different place does wonders.

As far as the chronic pain goes, be kind to yourself. You’re allowed to be annoyed about it. Feel all the feelings and give yourself time to do that but make sure you do some nice self care, warm bath with Epsom salts is one of my favourites. Lighting some nice smelling candles (lavender is my favourite) and doing some gentle yoga. Get dressed up even if you’ve no where to go, take some nice pics and big yourself up!

You’ll get through this, the eternal ebb and flow of life is certain but you’ll come out the other side.

Do be kind to yourself, that’s so important!

 

[Hexenstahl]

I just got an idea for a possible counter-intuitive therapeutical approach to anxiety disorders after reading your post. I know this idea might sound crazy (and perhaps it IS crazy, but hear me out). Psychotherapy traditionally treats these issues with a mix of medication and behavioural-cognitive therapy (and sometimes confrontation therapy) but the fundamental idea guiding all the therapeutical approaches is always that fear is bad. But what if hypnotherapy can be used to induce a state of phobophilia in people struggling with anxiety? All that would need to be done is to break down the association chain "fear = stress" and condition the mind of the subject to instead create a new chain of association with powerful positive emotions. A post-hypnotic trigger can then be built into the mind of such an individual that triggers for instance a powerful endorphin rush everytime the patient feels fear. Let's say the subject has an irrational fear of demons lurking inside his dresser. Next time his fear of these entities takes him over, his newly conditioned mind will not react with the typical unpleasant release of adrenaline and cortisol, but a mix of endorphins that makes fear feel good.

What I'm trying to say is this: what if the cure lies not in working against fear, but WITH it?

 

[nznity]

…just get scared sometimes? Like, it’s late at night and you can’t sleep and you’re kind of down but you don’t know why, and you start thinking about death for what must be the millionth time? Getting scared of the inevitability of it all over again. And then you think about all the possible hurt and pain that lies before you. Some of which is also inevitable: the deaths of your parents, for example. The deaths of your pets. And (for me) the horrors of another half a lifetime trapped in a body that doesn’t fucking work the way it’s supposed to. The deafness is bad enough, but that I can handle; it’s the chronic pain that really gets me. Not to mention a too-long list of other symptoms that I rarely mention, because who wants to be around a whiner? Everything I think generally comes out my mouth, I’m no good at keeping things to myself, but this I do try to keep close to my vest. Even with my parents, even with the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. During the day, it’s easy enough to act tough, as if nothing hurts (physically or otherwise.) But at night, all my fears and worries come out to play. I think about things I can’t bear to even THINK about too much: worries about my children, fear of being alone again. Fear of my own mind.

There are people who have had drug addictions, and then there are addicts. I know which one I am.

Well, we are all gonna die right? (Memento Mori) it's the inevitable truth, we are all fragile and have limited time here on this weird yet beautiful planet,so there's no point on ruminating about Death and all that crap. instead of that, you should spend ur time thinking how lucky you are to be alive and that your loved ones are too(at least the ones that still are). Don't waste time with pessimistic thoughts, you're just gonna attract negative shit by doing that. You needa synthonize with the right frequency and vibrate positively with the Universe.
Chill out, we are here in Earth just in transit and while you're at it, try to enjoy it. Not torture yourself, cheers girl xoxo

 

[Hexenstahl]

Please forget what I said earlier. I didn't think it through to the end. The consequences of altering the mind's reaction to fear in such a fundamental way are too dangerous. If a legitimately life-threatening situation happens to someone and they enjoy the fear, then the body's fight-or-flight reaction does not get triggered. It's an interesting concept though...

 

[paranoid android]

Not many things scare me. I'm not a tough guy or anything, I just have an emotional indifference to most things like death or suffering. I have anxiety about the weirdest, smallest things, though. Neurodivergent stuff I guess.

But what really scares me sometimes is thinking about having another psychosis. I think this may be due to PTSD from my last major one. It truly terrifies me and keeps me up at night. Fear and rumination, almost obsessive. I truly believe it is a fate worse than death.

That also scares the shit out of me i have ptsd from the psych ward and psychosis

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

It's an interesting concept though...

Maybe something like EMDR?
Think it has a positive effect on my anxieties.

 

[AngelsandFairiesarereal]

Maybe something like EMDR?
Think it has a positive effect on my anxieties.

I’m glad the emdr has helped you. Be weary there will be waxes and wanes in the future but thus is healing rite. Sounds like you’re really doing some healing work, good for you hermano


Bendiciones - Blessings

 

[Dreamflyer]

…just get scared sometimes? Like, it’s late at night and you can’t sleep and you’re kind of down but you don’t know why, and you start thinking about death for what must be the millionth time? Getting scared of the inevitability of it all over again. And then you think about all the possible hurt and pain that lies before you. Some of which is also inevitable: the deaths of your parents, for example. The deaths of your pets. And (for me) the horrors of another half a lifetime trapped in a body that doesn’t fucking work the way it’s supposed to. The deafness is bad enough, but that I can handle; it’s the chronic pain that really gets me. Not to mention a too-long list of other symptoms that I rarely mention, because who wants to be around a whiner? Everything I think generally comes out my mouth, I’m no good at keeping things to myself, but this I do try to keep close to my vest. Even with my parents, even with the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. During the day, it’s easy enough to act tough, as if nothing hurts (physically or otherwise.) But at night, all my fears and worries come out to play. I think about things I can’t bear to even THINK about too much: worries about my children, fear of being alone again. Fear of my own mind.

There are people who have had drug addictions, and then there are addicts. I know which one I am.

Oh my God, that just about describes every night that I go to bed! The other night I spent hours feeling the glands in my neck, convinced that I had lymphatic cancer. If my mom doesn't get up the minute that her alarm goes off, I pound on her door thinking that she's dead. I worry about EVERYTHING.

Even after decades of therapy and 3 psych meds, I'm still a nervous wreck most of the time. I wish that I had some good advice for you. The best that I can say is that 1) You're not alone, and 2) I've learned that 99% of the things that I worry about never happen... and if they do, I can survive them.

My father literally died at my feet in the hallway five years ago, and I thought that I would NEVER ever be able to face life again. It still hurts a lot, but it gets a little easier as time goes on.

Much Love,
Dreamflyer

 

[jasperkent]

I think most people are a.lot more afraid than they let on-- it just comes out in different ways.
Some are assholes.
Some are comedians.
Some are drunks/addicts/compulsive fill in the blank
Some are overachievers/workaholics
Some are religious fanatics or New Age nuts

At 63 I'm way less frightened than I used to be. It's like What's the worst that can happen?
We all suffer and then die? Well, that's always what happens. Always has. So make the best of these few moments you have. You didn't exist for billions of years and that didn't hurt. You'll be fine for the next few billion years, too.

 

[Mimi Bordeaux]

…just get scared sometimes? Like, it’s late at night and you can’t sleep and you’re kind of down but you don’t know why, and you start thinking about death for what must be the millionth time? Getting scared of the inevitability of it all over again. And then you think about all the possible hurt and pain that lies before you. Some of which is also inevitable: the deaths of your parents, for example. The deaths of your pets. And (for me) the horrors of another half a lifetime trapped in a body that doesn’t fucking work the way it’s supposed to. The deafness is bad enough, but that I can handle; it’s the chronic pain that really gets me. Not to mention a too-long list of other symptoms that I rarely mention, because who wants to be around a whiner? Everything I think generally comes out my mouth, I’m no good at keeping things to myself, but this I do try to keep close to my vest. Even with my parents, even with the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. During the day, it’s easy enough to act tough, as if nothing hurts (physically or otherwise.) But at night, all my fears and worries come out to play. I think about things I can’t bear to even THINK about too much: worries about my children, fear of being alone again. Fear of my own mind.

There are people who have had drug addictions, and then there are addicts. I know which one I am.

You remind me of myself at a younger age. I don't get scared anymore, thank god! My, you certainly have had an ordeal.
I feel like a puppy in comparison to your story.

Actually I don't believe that entirely.
We all have issues with the same intensity. It's how we deal with them is the main reason here I think.
If you are already good at doing things such as cooking, acting, drawing or/and physical labour you might try to get in to a community project where you will meet others like yourself. Forget about dying for a minute. Do you feel ok right now? Reading this? Have I picked you up even a little bit? I hope so buddy Cheers Mimi Bordeaux xx