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Do I rat out my relative to their doctor?

cduggles

cduggles

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Nov 12, 2016
Messages
20,283
Apparently I need lots of life advice.

So I’m going to accompany a close relative to the doctor. I go because he kind of tunes the doctor out, but has medical conditions that need attention, so I kind of mediate and do follow up.

Here’s the specific situation:

He had what he assumed to be athlete’s foot that over the counter cream wouldn’t get rid of. I offered to email the doctor and ask for a prescription cream. He agreed and went and got the cream.

I’m not sure what the problem was, if this condition was something other than athlete’s foot, if he didn’t use the cream correctly or what, but he had this horrible reaction and the skin was broken and raw for months. He would only put Vaseline on it. It got so bad he would limit how much he walked and said it hurt.

He refused to consult a doctor because he felt the doctor had created the problem. If I mentioned going to the doctor (even a dermatologist), he got really angry.

I’m worried that this condition might be serious, because it’s progressing and becoming painful. At worst, he could lose part of his foot.

He says he won’t mention it to the doctor or show him his foot during the appointment. (Yes, I asked what the point of going to see the doctor was if he won’t tell the truth.)

Do I rat him out to his doctor? I could email the doctor and tell him there was a problem he needs to follow up on, or just blurt it out during the appointment.

I’m afraid of alienating my relative and losing his trust because he really needs help interfacing with the medical system, and no one likes a rat, but I’m also really worried about his current condition.

What do you think? This is really bugging me. Thanks for reading and advising. 🙂
 
If you’re worried about him losing his foot or part of it I would go ahead and atleast email the doctor.. explain the situation and he could play along and conveniently “remember writing the script”. Life is better with two feet and coming from someone who has to worry about losing his feet on a regular basis he will thank you in the long run. Either way good luck with whatever you decide.
 
Freudzilla said:
If you’re worried about him losing his foot or part of it I would go ahead and atleast email the doctor.. explain the situation and he could play along and conveniently “remember writing the script”. Life is better with two feet and coming from someone who has to worry about losing his feet on a regular basis he will thank you in the long run. Either way good luck with whatever you decide.
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Thanks, it’s really tough because I’ve tried everything to convince him to talk to his doctor, and it’s not happening. People can be so stubborn.
 
If your relative has pre existing diabetes or vascular issues then it could be fairly serious so based on that I suggest you use your powers of persuasion to get him to his doctor who can refer him on to dermatology if needed.

Could have developed a drug reaction which will clear up ion its own without too much hassle which leaves the original problem there still.

Its his call, as annoying as that is. Is he an old fella? They are impossible, not much a your can do about it.

Give it a few days then give an ultimatum?
 
i would try to reason with him first. just point out you're all on the same side but the doctor is the expert here so should have all the information they need to prescribe appropriate treatment.

remember a lot of this can be fear based. unfortunately that often backfires- i had a friend who's dad died of a cancer that should have been treatable, cos he didn't go to the doctor til way too late, cos he was afraid of getting diagnosed with the same cancer he'd watched his dad die young from.

if he really will not, i would tell him in advance that you're going to bring it up because you're concerned, so he doesn't feel its been sprung on him during the appointment.
 
cduggles said:
Thanks, it’s really tough because I’ve tried everything to convince him to talk to his doctor, and it’s not happening. People can be so stubborn.
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Understandable. I can relate though. It’s certainly hard to admit you’re more vulnerable and not as physically healthy as you once were. However after years of drug abuse and the problems I have faced already I realize it is imperative that I’m up front with my doctor about my symptoms and any issues arising.. might I recommend a podiatrist. I mean a regular doctor is great and all but someone who specializes in feet is better at saving them. The older you get the more stubborn you get in a lot of cases and a little cut can turn in into a huge problem especially with neuropathy or other issues.. personally I can’t feel anything below my knees so if I don’t show up at my podiatrist anytime I have the slightest problem I risk losing my foot.. I’ve been confined to a wheelchair several times after surgery and that’s been enough to scare me straight lol.. maybe in your relatives case that’s what it’ll take too.. but once they start amputating it usually doesn’t stop.
 
Older people tend to stick their heads in the sand. It’s part pride and part the generational “just get on with things” no matter how bad.

Id definitely ring or email ahead to his GP explaining the situation. The GP could bring up something in order to ask to see his feet. Hopefully as he’s a dr your relative listens to him, I know in Ireland Drs are seen as gods and no one dare question them. It’s an older generation thing too though.

I would be very worried about ulcers etc and gangrene even.
 
chinup said:
if he really will not, i would tell him in advance that you're going to bring it up because you're concerned, so he doesn't feel its been sprung on him during the appointment.
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I think he’d tell me not to bother to come along. It’s such a catch-22.

He has serious cardiovascular problems and has been in the intensive care unit, etc., and so I choose to help. I know he appreciates it, it’s just complicated and sometimes maddening.
 
Be honest maybe a it’s the lesser of two evils bit. But I would go with aloe Vera and moisturizer. @cduggles
 
ions said:
Be honest maybe a it’s the lesser of two evils bit. But I would go with aloe Vera and moisturizer. @cduggles
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Give me strength! The pic was a decent enough idea but this is just silly.

Duggs, defo email ahead to the Dr and let him/her know the situation. There are ways the Dr can bring it up that will make your relative not suspicious. Usually older people will follow Drs orders and suggestions.
 
@MsDiz as a gout sufferer I can relate to the pain feet cause. It may be bacterial or even fungal . But wo a proper biopsy the path of least resistance is right.
 
ions said:
@MsDiz as a gout sufferer I can relate to the pain feet cause. It may be bacterial or even fungal . But wo a proper biopsy the path of least resistance is right.
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Yeah I don’t think aloe or moisturiser are the answer to the mystery foot issue.

As a gout sufferer you need to stop drinking alcohol.
 
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