I have used opioids in the past and never did them enough days in a row to have to go through withdrawl besides some mild stomach discomfort and one time I was a little achey feeling with the sniffles for a day and a half or so.
Decided around 5 years ago that I needed to stay away from them after thinking about how much I liked them and the times I probably came pretty close to an OD without thinking about it.(one time my gf told me that if I hadn't gotten up from the couch to pee when I did she was thinking about calling 911 since I was so quiet and still for too long for her liking)
Well enter the little thought voice saying "once won't hurt and then no more".
Have been able to tell myself NO it's not a good idea for so long until around 2 1/2 to 3 weeks ago when I just didn't listen to myself even though I knew better.
So I ended up with around 60 or so hydrocodone/ acetaminophen 5/325(before you ask I was very careful about how much tylenol ended up in my system each day and did a cwe more than once).
It started off just as just a couple every few days at night after dinner and then turned into reaching for them when I woke up every day for a week.
I only did at the most 4 a day but still I can't have even one a day ever again.
Well here we are for 4 days now i have been sicker than ever feeling nauseas runny nose panic attacks for no reason having to force myself to eat etc etc.
Getting better tonight as I almost feel back to normal right now and can't stop eating(haven't taken care of myself properly lately between the pills and the withdrawls).
Is being so hungry normal? I have never been through this before like I mentioned.
I would say it is time for me to accept the fact that I am an addict and I can't ever do such things even once because it just turns into twice and then threee times and on and on.
The worst part is I wasn't even high like I wanted to be just really jittery and nauseas feeling(probably due to my tolerance and taking too much).
I don't know what I am trying to get at in this post other than I want to vent and get things off my chest.
Just wish I never even took that first percocet around 25 years ago and am feeling kinda of upset with myself, it's just so hard to tell that voice to shut up and not do any pills and this time I couldn't do it.
Trying not to beat myself up about it but that is hard also. Really upset right now after thinking on it while typing this.
Anyone that bothered to read through this thank you for listening.
EDIT:
The odd things is I have no cravings at all so far other than I want to smoke some cannabis to settle my stomach(always works when I am sick from natural causes why not now?) and can't get any until tomorrow.
Decided around 5 years ago that I needed to stay away from them after thinking about how much I liked them and the times I probably came pretty close to an OD without thinking about it.(one time my gf told me that if I hadn't gotten up from the couch to pee when I did she was thinking about calling 911 since I was so quiet and still for too long for her liking)
Well enter the little thought voice saying "once won't hurt and then no more".
Have been able to tell myself NO it's not a good idea for so long until around 2 1/2 to 3 weeks ago when I just didn't listen to myself even though I knew better.
So I ended up with around 60 or so hydrocodone/ acetaminophen 5/325(before you ask I was very careful about how much tylenol ended up in my system each day and did a cwe more than once).
It started off just as just a couple every few days at night after dinner and then turned into reaching for them when I woke up every day for a week.
I only did at the most 4 a day but still I can't have even one a day ever again.
Well here we are for 4 days now i have been sicker than ever feeling nauseas runny nose panic attacks for no reason having to force myself to eat etc etc.
Getting better tonight as I almost feel back to normal right now and can't stop eating(haven't taken care of myself properly lately between the pills and the withdrawls).
Is being so hungry normal? I have never been through this before like I mentioned.
I would say it is time for me to accept the fact that I am an addict and I can't ever do such things even once because it just turns into twice and then threee times and on and on.
The worst part is I wasn't even high like I wanted to be just really jittery and nauseas feeling(probably due to my tolerance and taking too much).
I don't know what I am trying to get at in this post other than I want to vent and get things off my chest.
Just wish I never even took that first percocet around 25 years ago and am feeling kinda of upset with myself, it's just so hard to tell that voice to shut up and not do any pills and this time I couldn't do it.
Trying not to beat myself up about it but that is hard also. Really upset right now after thinking on it while typing this.
Anyone that bothered to read through this thank you for listening.
EDIT:
The odd things is I have no cravings at all so far other than I want to smoke some cannabis to settle my stomach(always works when I am sick from natural causes why not now?) and can't get any until tomorrow.
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