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did some e, i feel like shit

I

Inds

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 11, 2017
Messages
606
Hiya, schizophrenic shut-in here. I did some 250mg e yesterday after oxt shots only had a passive (but positive) effect. I know I was stupid to do so much e on my first try but I thought my immun system was stronger than this. I did it alone so I didnt really have anyone to cuddle with. I experienced all the standard side effects with the eye wiggling, dilated pupils and jaw clenching. I do remember feeling markedly happy but hated not being able to get a hard on and all music sounded so beautiful.
But I have reason to believe I had a really bad trip. I started losing coherency within an hour but somehow was still competent to use the computer and return a call to my social worker. Her voice suddenly sounded so motherly and loving. I didnt understand anything she was saying besides when she asked me if I was all right. A huge panic attack hit me, I suddenly realized I lost control of myself and was completely out of it. I hung up the phone, shut the electricity to my house, jumped in my bed and hid under the blankets. I blacked out for about 2 hours and don't remember anything during that. After I got up, I felt somewhat happy but the tiredness and not being able to get a boner mitigated all of that. Then I gradually started feeling really lonely and paranoid.
Right now it's been over 24 hours and I feel like shit. I'm more anxious than I ever have been in my life, I'm scared to go outside and I'm really depressed. I also havent taken my anti-anxiety medication because I dont think my brain needs any more serotonin pumped in it with what I did yesterday. Is this the right move?

Anxious for your guy's input. Is this all normal? Why did I have such a bad trip? Is it because I'm already mentally fucked to begin with?
 
First you took far too much. Certainly for a first time.
Second it's really advisable to have someone with you to help during the first few rolls.
Think you were hit by feelings of guilt when talking to the social worker.
As for the pre-existing condition, I'm not really qualified to say, but I can't imagine this would have helped.
As for practical things now: the depressive feelings will start to lift in a couple of days, but in the meantime you might feel very down. Don't act on this depression it is illusory.
By the way what is oxt?
 
augustaB said:
First you took far too much. Certainly for a first time.
Second it's really advisable to have someone with you to help during the first few rolls.
Think you were hit by feelings of guilt when talking to the social worker.
As for the pre-existing condition, I'm not really qualified to say, but I can't imagine this would have helped.
As for practical things now: the depressive feelings will start to lift in a couple of days, but in the meantime you might feel very down. Don't act on this depression it is illusory.
By the way what is oxt?
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Thanks so much for the reply. I should've cut it in half, I know. I am a fucking idiot. How much is recommended for the first time for a 150-pound male? Well, the second time maybe IF there will be a second time. I'm too suicidal right now to even think about repeating last night's bad trip.
You're right about the feelings of guilt. She had invested a lot in me and if she found out I was using again after many years of sobriety, I wouldnt know what to do with myself. But I am very paranoid in general. There were police sirens going off all the time and I was scared they were coming for me. Should paranoid schizophrenics be using e at all? I was hoping it would help me, or rather that the afterglow would. I dont care for the high per se.
I will ride it out and I'm not gonna kill myself despite really wanting to right now. Will the afterglow get more positive, tho? If my high was a bad trip, will the afterglow be as well?
I can't have someone supervise me, tho. I have few friends and they're all upstanding citizens who would be very mad at me and I'd probably have another bad trip again. I am a shut-in in general, I never go out. But until today I never really felt lonely. I guess I got exactly what I was asking for when I wanted a higher emotional range. I realized my life is shit and I hate it now.

oxt is oxytocin, a drug I tried weeks before I took e yesterday with similar effects minus the serotonin. MDMA floods the brain with serotonin and oxytocin, oxt just gives you oxt. It has to be packaged with ice cuz room temperature will greatly weaken the drug. Its why I resorted to e cuz I knew it wasnt this fucking sensitive.

Thanks for the input, you dont know how great it is to have somebody to talk to about this that wont lash out at me.
 
It's is not recommended for a paranoid schizophrenic to take MDMA. Two main reasons

Firstly interaction with your current medication. It can cause dangerous side effects and even death.

Secondly your mental state is being carefully controlled by both the drugs you take for the condition and as you suggest the time and effort others are putting in to ensure you lead a full and rewarding life.

Your basically just going to undermine your sanity, health and the efffort of others tying to help you by continuing to use.

Plus your taking unknown doses and did you actually test what you took or just believed who ever sold it to you?

For your own safety and others please inform your care worker ASAP.
 
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Hey man, it sounds like you just took too much MDMA. 250mg of MDMA would be incredibly unpleasant for me, I usually don't go any higher than 150, most of the time doing 125. Taking too much really, really sucks.
 
This is a harm reduction site. The OP is a schizophrenic who will be taking daily a variety of medicines to assist in control of the condition. It is not a productive answer to say they took to much as you have clearly no understanding of how such medicines may interact with the MDMA. Personally I don't know which medication the OP is on but they reference not having now taken their anti anxiety prescription.

Please read any post carefully. The only answer to the OP at this time is to alert his care worker.

It maybe under controlled conditions OP could undergo some form of MDMA treatment however none are approved. Any consumption could produce negative results, especially if the product is untested and the dose is unknown; it is simply not worth the risk to the OP for what is a tough and difficult life at the best of times.
 
Of course this is a harm reduction site. Hard reduction doesn't include scaring the shit out of anyone that makes bad choices though.
 
Hey guys, I feel much better today. No longer depressed. I took for granted what it means to be simply a mellow, high-functioning shut-in.
I appreciate that you guys care so much. If I had this impression before I would've posted a thread before swallowing the pill.
I only take one prescription med right now but I'm too paranoid to name it lest someone in real life identifies me with my posts. It's just to treat general anxiety and I was only prescribed it recently because I dont wanna fuck up my upcoming job by being an awkward, untrainable fucktard, lmao.
I MIGHT start taking my meds again today but I really want my serotonin levels from the e to go back to normal first. I dont need any more of that in my head.
No, I didnt test the e pills I got but the guy is a reliable source and if he was gonna lie I'd imagine he wouldve underestimated, not overestimated the amount in it. Not only will I not take half next time, I'm gonna take 1/4. That trip was fuckin scary and the negative heavily outweighed the positive. But I will wait 4-6 weeks like this site's guide suggests.
Can you guys answer my question about the afterglow? Will it be negative for the next week or what?
 
An afterglow is usually only that, a glow, based on the trip that followed it. Thus, if your after'glow' is negative, it's negative. That being said, it's really more about how you feel about it, it's malleable and variable based on your own mindstate and acceptance of what happened. Your next week will be negative if you let it, or it won't be. That's not in the hands of any drug you took now, no matter whether MDMA or who knows what.

That being said, do post if you feel so inclined about whatsoever whenever. This forum is really one of the most accepting and loving communities I've found ever, online or off.
 
I see, I guess I should try to make the best of it. Right now I'm not sure if I'm neutral or glowing because I've slept for 12 hours, waking up and falling back asleep and I keep cuddling with the blankets and pillow. Can't stop sighing either, lol. So I guess I'm happy. I used the wrong words, tho. I should've said hangover instead of "negative afterglow" as an afterglow by definition seems to be positive.
psy997 said:
That being said, do post if you feel so inclined about whatsoever whenever. This forum is really one of the most accepting and loving communities I've found ever, online or off.
Click to expand...
That much I noticed, you guys are great. Molly has y'all loved up to the max. :D
 
Ah yes, well only time will tell. Fortunately I've never personally taken too much MDMA nor abused it too often so I have no experience in regards to negative after effects, but from what I've read negative after effects differ greatly from person to person even if the abuse was the same. There's really no telling. The best thing you can do now is try to stay positive, get as much sleep as you can, eat as well as you can ala fruits and veggies and avoiding carbs, meats, processed foods, and sugars and finally, physical exercise.
 
Sound advice. But I do have more questions, on my next roll should I do 125mg at once or 62.5mg a few hours apart? What difference would the trip be?
 
125mg all at once. It just wouldn't be near as strong splitting the dose. If it was only split by an hour or less then maybe it would still get as strong, but it'd probably have a shorter peak seeing as the two peaks of each dose wouldn't be lining up perfectly. Although actually, given your experience, maybe do half then 30-40 minutes later the other half. That's probably best just to be sure you don't go overboard.
 
IM worried about the medication you take for your disorder interacting with mdma. ppl taking psychiatric meds die all the time by taking the wrong recreational drug with it and not knowing

millions of people take it so saying what it is won't give you away. everyone on here says way more personal things that what medicine they take.
 
Fine, I take Buspirone. I didn't take it the day I took e. In fact, I didn't take it until today. Most of my life I've lived independently without taking meds because none of them did shit for me. They all either made me drool, shake or limp. Psychiatrists are witch doctors, fuck them. :D
 
Inds said:
Fine, I take Buspirone. I didn't take it the day I took e. In fact, I didn't take it until today. Most of my life I've lived independently without taking meds because none of them did shit for me. They all either made me drool, shake or limp. Psychiatrists are witch doctors, fuck them. :D
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You should be grateful, serotonin medications mixed with ecstasy (even if you didn't directly mix them) can have dire consequence. Please research the effects of mixing your prescription drugs with recreational drugs in the future as you may (I'm only guessing due to the action of the two substances) have nearly killed yourself. You should resume taking your medication at once, but take a much longer hiatus if you decide to return to using serotogenics. I can't answer if you should be using e or not though as I'm not too versed with the psychology/neurology of schitzophrenia.

How are you feeling now?
 
If it wasnt for you guys I just might have. The depression I felt the day after the roll was really horrible. I thought about swallowing every pill I had in the fridge and ending it all. The last time I felt suicidal was when I was 11. It was fucking horrible, lol.

Right now I'm feeling much better. Thanks for asking. I can fall asleep again without melatonin and I'm relatively mellow. I'm still a bit jumpy and paranoid. The smallest intermittent noises alarm me. I haven't seen a human being for almost a week now. I'll be meeting my social workers in a few days so I guess I'll soon see if I can interact with people again like before without too much apprehension. The reason I didnt think much about the meds I'm taking is because I rationalized that they're only intended to increase the level of serotonin in my brain by a margin to make me a little less apprehensive and that it would make little difference when taking e, but I was cocky and didnt know 250mg was too much for me. Hopefully someone else might know if taking 1/4 of 250mg alongside buspirone would still be counterproductive.
 
Glad to hear your feeling better Inds.

The issue is that there is no real answer as to the questions you seek. Nobody really knows what interaction there could be with your meds as your effectively being the guinea pig by doing what your doing. To be honest it's simply not worth the risk based on what both drugs do.

The first thing to ask yourself is what you are in fact trying to achieve? Should you perhaps explore this first before jumping in? I'd still suggest talking to your social worker and making them aware of your current mind state, what you tried etc. Sharing this with your social worker will give you far more help in the long run than experimenting with drugs, especially ones where you can't be sure if they are pure.

There maybe medication that is available perscription that could be far more effective and safer than what state of mind your are trying to achieve by self medication down the untested route. It maybe that your social worker can assist you to set up human interaction so you can meet people and discuss; but if you don't make them aware how you are feeling it's tough for them to be of help.

All medicine started out with witch doctors. Don't write anything off.

As mentioned MDMA has been previously considered in carefully controlled conditions for schizophrenic conditions but this is under very strict controlled dose, regime and monitoring.

Take care and please do consider the advice given as we are all here to help.
 
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psy997 said:
Of course this is a harm reduction site. Hard reduction doesn't include scaring the shit out of anyone that makes bad choices though.
Click to expand...

Harm reduction is taking all the facts presented considering carefully a reply, if in fact you are qualified to give the advice based on your own understanding of all the facts; and in doing so not causing more harm.

As pointed out, by knowledgeable users of the forum.

First is to establish that the OP is safe and if there is any immediate potential of harm to advise them to seek professional help. Not to instruct them on how they should take more of the substance they took.
 
Thanks for all the concern. I met with my social workers recently but I didn't tell them the whole truth yet. I'm too paranoid and have issues trusting people even if I've known them a long time, the fact that I decide to roll alone on a drug intended to make you bond closer with others is proof of my mindset. Oh well, I'll tell her eventually. She feels bad that she triggered a paranoid psychotic episode in me last week but it is not her fault. Despite being completely fucked up on the peak of an E overdose, I had the competency to do computer tasks and call her. I was doing 100% of the initiations there. I wonder if I still would've had the bad trip if I simply relaxed and listened to some music and looked at the nice snowy scenery outside my window?

As for what I'm trying to achieve, I wanna feel loved up. :) Mostly tho I just wanna feel more normal and confident and I felt the afterglow of an mdma roll would achieve this. I have low affect and it wasn't until my ecstasy hangover that I truly realized what it's like to feel grief and depression. But that's negative bullshit. I wanna strongly feel POSITIVE emotions. I vaguely remember feeling something like it during the roll but it was so short compared to the long, nasty depression that I already forgot what it felt like.
 
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