Did psychedelics kill your ego? Would you consider it good or bad?

[AvenaSativa]

The first time I tripped on anything other than DXM and weak shrooms it was ayahuasca. About an hour in my guide was playing Divine Moments of Truth by Shpongle and it happened. I realized that we are manifestations of the universe, that human communication is basically the universe talking to itself. Upon realizing this I exclaimed "We are all changelings in a great link of energy!" and I started ruining upstairs feeling that I was staying in the same spot and everything else was moving around me and my guide followed me, I feel down on the floor smiling and flailing my arms at the top of the stairs and she asked me "Where were you trying to go?" and I said "I don't know" and she said "But you're right where you're supposed to be" and she was correct. The universe is alive and breathing and has multiple consciousness and multiple forms of consciousness. 7 billion human ones.

While this knowledge has been beneficial to me I can't tell how detrimental it may have been as well. I've learned that karma is real and knowing that has helped improve my life, knowing that putting any negativity out into the world causes negativity to be bestowed upon me. I'm no longer a militant nihilistic atheist who thinks all religious people are fools, in fact now it's the militant nihilistic atheists I think are the most foolish. I'm overall more at peace knowing that I am the universe. I am God if you will. During the trip I felt that God was the best description for what I realized I am.

I only use the words "I" and "my guide" because I'm not capable of explaining it exactly how I see it. I'm speaking about a mental dimension with a language developed by another mental dimension so the words don't truly apply. but as far as I see it I was guiding myself in that trip. I knew that I would have a divine moment of truth while listening to the song Divine Moments of Truth. I knew what to say to myself when I ran up the stairs and fell down. I, the single human being I thought I was, is dead. Now this physical manifestation of the universe once called Ashley Smith (not my real name) is aware that she is one of 7 billion manifestations of the universe in human form.

For the detrimental part, sometimes feeling like this and having almost nobody else realize it gets lonely to what is left of my ego. While I know we are all exactly where we're supposed to be on our paths, I feel so far ahead of everyone. A blunt and harsh way to put it is I feel I live on a planet of fools, blinded by their natural human ego, thinking their natural human brain is a flawless tool for perceiving existence just because they haven't perceived existence in any other way while I have. I also sometimes feel that while it's good I learned that depression and anxiety are caused by the human ego, I also learned that happiness and joy is too, that the only true feeling is peace. And sometimes that makes me uncomfortable. I know that with an ego comes separation, hierarchies, labels, mental pain and depression, whereas without an ego I let go of learning and joy and entertainment. So I need to find a healthy balance.

Can anyone relate to this? How do I find a healthy balance of being blinded by my ego and aware?

 

[Ismene]

But was it just a coincidence that DMT made you think of a mythical construct such as "God" that you've been taught about by fools for your entire life?

I don't believe in God at all - but I do believe in DMT.

 

[neurotic]

have you read 'the power of now'? it says some stuff similar to what you just said. may be give it a read if you haven't, for what it's worth

also one can say that there is no one true feeling... may be apathy. nah apathy is still a feeling

so you just realized you're just a human and shit. well, enjoy the ride then, it's only one. you can still feel pleasure.

i kinda think i feel the same you feel when i smoke too much weed. it makes me too apathethic and i start to think all of this shit.

you can see life like a distraction from death you know. it can be pleasurable or not, your brain and your mind are responsible for what it is. sex, drugs, your own personal hobbies, friends... take that realization and just enjoy life i guess

you know neruda said, if nothing saves us from death, i hope love can save us from life

it was something like that, i dont remember, but imo its one hell of a quote, my personal favorite if you care

peace bro

 

[Ismene]

One other thing - those feelings of "I've seen the answer to life on psychedelics" do tend to wear off within a few months.

 

[AvenaSativa]

I don't believe in a mythical construct such as God. I had heard people call the universe and all that's in it God several times before this experience and I didn't understand them until I took DMT and felt like God.

 

[Xorkoth]

I completely relate, my very first trip was on mushrooms, good mushrooms, and I literally awoke, I awoke from physical life (while still being aware I was living my physical life), and what I had always known faded away just like a dream does when you wake up, except it still made sense, it was just reduced to an insignificant speck in the sea of all collective experiences of the universe. It was just like, wow, amazing that I could have forgotten that this is what reality is. I realized that we (and all life) are all unique manifestations of the universe, experiencing itself subjectively. It was such a powerful realization that it changed my life and shaped all of my beliefs ever since... it's been 13 years since then. I did a complete 180 in how I viewed life, and the world, and spirituality. It was such a monumentally paradigm-shifting experience. I had never felt anything so real. I am certain it was real, and no one had ever suggested such a thing to me before (and none of my friends that were doing it with me had the same experience). It was just the same as waking up from a dream, except on an entirely higher level. I woke up to being everything. The universal consciousnes.

It was a glorious experience, but it did cause me some trouble over the years for the same reason you describe. I felt lonely because I didn't know anyone else who had had such an experience or really wanted to talk about it. And I felt like at times it just felt overwhelming and I wanted to be ignorant again because life would be easier. Like, I could just apply myself to the expectations set for me by my parents and society, to make money, be successful, etc, without realizing that there are more important things to pursue. But I did realize there are and it was a battle for me, at times. And at other times, I was incredibly thankful to have had that awakening.

Now, 13 years later, I've reached a place where I am always thankful that I had that experience, and other profound experiences I have had since then. I have come to terms with it and I am comfortable with that knowledge and it brings me nothing but peace and love. It's just a process, we always grow and change and work things out and such a monumental experience just takes time to integrate all the way. It also helps that since then I have found Bluelight (the trip was in 2001 but I didn't join til 2006), and I also have real-life friends who I can talk to and share experiences with. I might still feel lonely about it otherwise. Stick around here, PD (and Bluelight) is a great place, full of great people. It's really done so much for me over the years in allowing me to communicate with people about this. I don't know where I'd be otherwise.

One other thing - those feelings of "I've seen the answer to life on psychedelics" do tend to wear off within a few months.

They can, but they don't always. What I just described will never fade, it never did even when I was horribly addicted to opiates, depressed beyond all reason, and took a 3+ year break from psychedelics. I will say that most of the profound moments I have had on psychedelics have faded, but certain ones have not nor do I believe they ever will. Just like any other incredibly profound life experience... some things change your entire life forever.