Did I Experience ego death?

[c_tripz]

I have used psychedelic drugs before mostly RC's but recently my connection got his hands on microdots (LSD). I have been wanting to try lsd for a good while, this was a perfect opportunity. I bought two dots and decided to use them at my friends party. My experience with RC's led me to believe I could handle both dots at once so I put them both under my tongue. I thought lsd was going to be like the 2-c's but much more intense.... I was wrong the it took a while for them to kick in, when the come up happened I was with my two friends in the woods one was already tripping on lsd the other was on 2-cb.

The come up was weird I remember walking and feeling strange, I couldn't tell if I was high or not I just felt awkward. I expected more visual distortion like other RC's ive done but found lsd to be more emotional and spiritual. The come up stayed with me for about 20-30 mins until I started to fell the stronger effects of lsd. A few girls showed up so a few friends took them to smoke. I stayed outside and one of my friends suggested that I took his headphones and went to the clearing (a huge hill looking down on a highway and a forest.) I listened to trippy music as I walked to the woods mostly chance the rapper.

I began peeking as I got to the hill. It was the MOST beautiful place I have ever seen. I walked to the top of the hill and was just amazed. I sat down and just watched cars go by. this is where I believe I experienced ego death. as I was sitting there I started thinking of how amazing life and nature was. I was watching my fingers move and was thinking about how amazing it is to be alive I then realized I was just a part of nature. I was convinced that i was going to live in the woods with nature and wildlife for the rest of my life. I wondered why i was born and what my purpose was.

I was siting there for about a hour and a half and I knew the party started i just didn't want to go back. I took my shoes off and walked through the woods. my friends came to look for me and when they found me i did not want to speak with them i knew they were talking to me but i chose to ignore them. My one friend was asking me what i have been doing and i told them i discovered life. They blew me off and went back to the party I had this strange theory that we were all like ants in a ant farm and are only goal was to survive and build until we die. I felt like the earth was using us to continue its existence.

I cant really put it into words but it was a weird experience. I respected plants and animals because i am nothing but a animal. I eventually went back to the party everyone asked me where i was or how i was or what i was seeing. i did not want to talk to anyone the only thing i said was that i was reborn and i was a different person. I am usually the life of the party but i just wandered by myself and didn't talk to anyone for several hour until one of my friends killed a spider. I was really angered by this for some reason and i flipped out. (since that day i haven't killed any bugs that were in my house i catch them and release them outside). i have never been angered by this before. i decided to go back to the woods to calm down......
this is beginning to get really long so i will rap it up. Ever since that day i have been more considerate of nature and other people i believe i experienced ego death i would be happy for someone to shed some light on the topic or share a experience

 

[swilow]

You might wish to read this thread- http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/722202-Debate-What-is-ego-death

FWIW, your experience doesn't sound like what most consider to be ego-death. It sounds like you had a fantastic trip and experienced the real mind-opening effects of LSD including a breakdown in the usual boundaries between US and THEM. Those experiences are beautiful and to be treasured and integrated. Ego-death is more overwhelming and disorienting then what you've described. In truth, the experience you've described are the main reason I continue taking psychedelics

 

[LucidSDreamr]

yea I feel bad killing animals too, like fish...unless i'm going to eat them. but even then I still feel kind of bad

 

[Xorkoth]

You experienced a great trip with many classic insights. Sounds magical. But no, not ego death.

 

[phuckingnutz]

THAT is what tripping is all about...IMHO.
Good post.

 

[Solipsis]

Nice realisations, and taking back from those experiences and integrating different values like compassion, peace and balance into your life is wonderful.

Usually there is some ego-softening involved that will probably allow you to feel less separate from the rest of the world, but it can be much more extreme and it would then more likely be called ego loss and ego death by people. The descriptions of that tend to be a little different. It can also be a lot more confusing, so I'd be glad if I were you.

I formatted the post into paragraphs, please do that yourself next time so that people can read your posts comfortably.

 

[c_tripz]

thank you I have read many articles on ego death but it seems different people perceive it differently. One article I read the writer said he left his body and could see himself sitting there. was he just tripping out or did he have a experience that many people have

 

[Xorkoth]

Read the thread that willow11 linked to a few posts back, that should answer your questions about what it is, or at least get you on the same page.