did e again

[Inds]

5 weeks ago I did 250mg e for the first time and had a bad trip due to the overdose. 12 hours ago I did 100mg and I think I'm avoiding a bad comedown now. I feel perfectly normal, no longer high of course but I'm not getting any panic attacks or depression. I didn't really get much of a good high either, tho. Next time I'm not gonna bother with porn at all as it seems to be a waste of a roll. I did manage to cum tho about 4 1/2 hours after swallowing the pill. I thought it was impossible to orgasm on ecstasy, lol.
I did not get the eye wiggling and jaw clenching that I got last time either which is good but I think that proves that my dosage was too low this time. What do you guys think, maybe 125mg next time? I did take a shower during my roll which felt great. But I almost had another panic attack when I couldn't do a bowel movement, no idea why. When you're a paranoid schizophrenic, doing stimulants is not a good idea. But I had it under control. I thought happy thoughts as much as I could and I drifted back into a good mood.
I hope I'm gonna have a nice afterglow this time instead of a hangover. Not looking forward to tomorrow, last time I was suicidal the day after the roll.

 

[Inds]

Well I think I've achieved my goal. 2 days after my roll I am in a good mood and was able to see the beauty in things I never could before. Is this what you guys call an afterglow? If so, I love it. I wish I could feel like this every day. I know it's just an illusion that will be gone by tomorrow but god damn is it nice. I am sad that i'll only be able to do ecstasy every 2 months to feel this way. I don't want this to go away. Please don't wake me from the dream, molly.

 

[BlueBull]

Well I think I've achieved my goal. 2 days after my roll I am in a good mood and was able to see the beauty in things I never could before. Is this what you guys call an afterglow? If so, I love it. I wish I could feel like this every day. I know it's just an illusion that will be gone by tomorrow but god damn is it nice. I am sad that i'll only be able to do ecstasy every 2 months to feel this way. I don't want this to go away. Please don't wake me from the dream, molly.

That sounds almost exactly as I would describe an afterglow yes and those rare times I still get it, I almost love that feeling more than the roll itself. Almost

 

[Inds]

That sounds almost exactly as I would describe an afterglow yes and those rare times I still get it, I almost love that feeling more than the roll itself. Almost

Brother, I hear you. Being a paranoid-schizohrenic, me and stimulants do not mix. I don't really like getting high, I just love feeling good and happy. This is why I started doing e, not because I have a party to go to (I'm a recluse) but the positive after-effects. This afterglow was amazing. Never have I truly felt so happy. I literally had no desire at all to gravitate towards negative thoughts or material like I normally do. I was finally at peace. This is what I've always wanted. But alas, it is temporary and that makes me really sad.

While rolling and glowing I've been doing a lot of introspection and I can not understand why everybody in this world has to be so fucking rotten. Why can't everyone be without motive? Is giving love and receiving it not the greatest reward one can get? I've watched an anime during my glow (a few days prior I hated it and deleted it) where a couple take care of a lost young girl they found with no memory or vocabulary. It was so nice to see all the selflessness. Why can't everybody be like this?

Sorry, I'm rambling. I'm such a nihilist that this loved-up feeling I'm getting from mdma is in sharp conflict with my usual personality.

 

[Tranced]

Afterglows are pretty sperodic ime, but also obviously dose (and sleep/ general mind state) related. If the dose worked for you then stick with it. Feeling suicidal isn't something that should be toyed with.

But yeah, MDMA is very powerfull and introspective, or can be, and certainly opened me up to peace and love. I was a bit of a cunt in high school, and had a racist/homophobic/anti-goth/etc etc type edge (I was pretty sound, but came to enjoy being a dick). Either way, I had some shitty views and opinions. When I was sixteen I took my first three pills in a club and just quite suddenly realised that it was all complete bullshit, and accepted empathy/unity instead.

I pretty much entirely transformed my political/social viewpoint in the space of a few hours, and I'll forever be thankful for MDMA for ensuring that I didn't turn put how I nearly did.

 

[Inds]

Goths should do some e so they can stop being depressed, lol.

The thing about making me more receptive to love kinda reinforced my cynicism about other people, tho. It made me more aware just how rotten most of the world is and how incapable of love people are. Everyone's always full of ulterior motives. Even with the most seemingly-generous people, it always turned out they had an agenda of some sort and that they were the same pieces of shit everybody else is.
I want nothing to do with such trash. I wish I could love them but I know for a fact they don't feel the same way because they're violent, disgusting little creatures.

I rolled alone because I do not trust others to be around me while I'm in a vulnerable state. I wish I could roll with a chick but I have to keep in mind that once the high wears off and she ends up regretting our night together, she could falsely accuse me of drugging and raping her and everybody would take her side, that same society who shames her for having any kind of fun in the first place.

Such a beautiful experience MDMA gives me in such a disgusting world. It's difficult to reconcile this sharp conflict. That's why it comes down to where anime, music and video games is the only world left that has any beauty in it for me. A fantasy world. Sigh.

 

[LucidSDreamr]

The world is mainly all Shit. The sooner you just accept that and enjoy YOUR life for what it is ...surround yourself with decent ppl ...you will be happy and forget about the vile was world

 

[Inds]

The world is mainly all Shit. The sooner you just accept that and enjoy YOUR life for what it is ...surround yourself with decent ppl ...you will be happy and forget about the vile was world

Whether I accept it or not doesn't make it less depressing. The drugs kind of do but it's still very difficult. I can't tell if E is making me better adjusted for it. Rather than making me more loved-up, it's widening my emotional range. My positive emotions have grown stronger but so have the negative ones.

 

[LucidSDreamr]

That's why U have to learn to ignore that stuff for your r own good...force yourself to stay away from such things...find healthy hobbies and interests to occupy your time...having a passion on life is one of the best natural highs u can be on 24/7. I try to ignore politics and materialism as much as possible or it upsets me.

 

[BlueBull]

That's why U have to learn to ignore that stuff for your r own good...force yourself to stay away from such things...find healthy hobbies and interests to occupy your time...having a passion on life is one of the best natural highs u can be on 24/7. I try to ignore politics and materialism as much as possible or it upsets me.

This is a way of looking at things that I can agree with completely. Some would call it apathy but my reasoning is why let your life be ruled by the problems of the world, when you only have 80 years to spend, if you're lucky. I try to ignore all the shit out there as much as possible, for the benefit of my own happiness. This also makes me pretty hedonistic by nature

 

[Tranced]

I concur. I've been avoiding the news a lot the past couple of years, and I tend to find that my depression and anxiety are massively suppressed (to the point of non-existence) when indulging in my passion, which is electronic music. There is so much beauty in the world, but it's easy to get lost in the fog and stumble down a darkened path.

I keep posting this, but this book really redefined the way I think. I don't even really meditate, but the knowledge that I can detach from my ego, and that the ego has a penchant for negativity which will inevitably drag you down, has been very liberating for me.

http://www.dailyom.com/cgi-bin/display/librarydisplay.cgi?lid=567

That's why it comes down to where anime, music and video games is the only world left that has any beauty in it for me. A fantasy world. Sigh.

That's no fantasy world, it's reality. If you love it, cherish it.