I used to use dxm quite regularly. I quit. Time passed, life happened, ended up going back to the psychiatrist and psychologist.
Has been about 2 years with them now. Recently I got sick and took some cough syrup (the actual recommended dose) and I got to thinking about back in the day how I used to overdo it.
So, I did. I did not take a huge dose, I have never liked the higher plateaus before, and when it came on I soaked it up like a sponge.
I wanted more. So, I did it again and the level I attained was not as intense as I wanted it to be. I took it after getting home from work and doing all of my routine chores.
I was tired from the night before and one of the sources of dxm I used had doxyl. succ. in it and so I just went and laid down for a nap.
NEXT thing I know I am awake and I am about to get up cause I was thinking 'what a let down this didn't do anything' and then WHAM total fear of being swallowed into the void and immediately praying to God to save me just to keep me conscious enough to avoid the fear.
Then it was absorbed and my high had surprisingly attained a state of disappointment.
I weigh more now than I used to about 20 - 30 lbs more. I thought that I had adjusted the amount of mg/kg to attain the mid 2nd Plateau but it just didn't feel the same.
Maybe it has to do with being on Lithium and Lamotrigine (Lamictal). I did the math and I was at approx. 4.4mg dxm/kg body weight. That 15 seconds or so of terror void could have been awesome if I hadn't just woken up and gotten side swiped by it "hey not ready yet yo!".
If I was listening to music and it came on it would have caused me to hear "their" voices perhaps. "Their" voices I am referring to a time when I was hospitalized for an overdose.
While I was taking a shower at the hospital I was washing my hair. When I scrubbed it came upon me all of a sudden the realization that I was being washed in acid at this government facility and that my skin was going to fall off and flow down the drain as flow of goop.
Then the thought of a child being bathed in acid came into my head. Then the voices occurred. I could hear them on the peripheral of my consciousness, all around me (like when your eyes are closed and your mind is in the center kind of like an elipse) maybe 2 inches between each entity. I could hear them and in my mind I could see them because I was putting an image together from what I heard.
They were female nurses with masks on and rubber gloves.
They were saying "it will be alright, it's almost over, we're almost done" as they washed that screaming child to death in a tub of acid.
Then while I washed my hair it was like their hands became mine and their fingers became mine.
I think that was the quickest shower I have ever taken. And since then I still sometimes get scared to take a shower.
Sometimes I get scared like no one's business on this stuff. I have to take steady breaths and focus on my breathing and immediately I think 'hey! you are going to hyperventilate!' and I am like, geez it is either have my soul sent to the pits of hell or have my body die from oxygen deprivation. I have to stay occupied and get into that place or zone where I can chill with it and enjoy it. I get the fear.
Does anyone else get the fear? If so, how do you overcome it?
I got the craving at work today. It isn't like with other substances, I get all excited and energetic just thinking about getting it back in my system.
There is no sickness just anxiety over wanting to hurriedly get out of work. I went to the store that I went to yesterday to get half of my dose.
There were several packages when I went in yesterday and today they were gone. They were only a dollar for 15 pills with 15mg dxm.
I went to another store same chain and they were gone as well. I guess they took them off the shelves all of a sudden? Crazy timing.
Had to go to the big W and get name brand stuff. At least I got 20 gels. I took 440mg. Hoping to get a 2nd Plateau. Still waiting.
It finally hit me. I feel great. I like it when it stays in my body primarily and what is in my head is dreams of grandeur and the like. Not being so messed up that you are slobbering all over yourself.
I can realize the difference between reality and a dissociated existence. But the dxm does help to give visual insight into pondering thoughts about circumstances one is thinking about. I am about to play guitar now.
I broke a string on my electric. It has been years since I have done that.
I had a bad time on my last try of DXM. I felt like I was being sucked down the drain into a place of doom, or the void, was going to be stuck in a place of absence. In the middle of it I reached out to God in a state of panic and swore it off, it was on the Sabbath and so I prayed covering my head and hid myself in the blankets from the fear. Then had to get up and keep myself occupied with working my body in the walls of the hallway trying to keep my mind off of it.
BTW I feel like crap today, totally drained.
Yea. I was taking large doses every day. Now I am taking about 300mg a day. Pop 10 15's at lunch then add here and there until time for bed. Keep that "man I feel good" feeling going. Not the "man where is my body and why is the sink sucking me into it" feeling. I have just been clicking "Post Quick Reply" to add comments, so IDK how to keep it all into one.
Has been about 2 years with them now. Recently I got sick and took some cough syrup (the actual recommended dose) and I got to thinking about back in the day how I used to overdo it.
So, I did. I did not take a huge dose, I have never liked the higher plateaus before, and when it came on I soaked it up like a sponge.
I wanted more. So, I did it again and the level I attained was not as intense as I wanted it to be. I took it after getting home from work and doing all of my routine chores.
I was tired from the night before and one of the sources of dxm I used had doxyl. succ. in it and so I just went and laid down for a nap.
NEXT thing I know I am awake and I am about to get up cause I was thinking 'what a let down this didn't do anything' and then WHAM total fear of being swallowed into the void and immediately praying to God to save me just to keep me conscious enough to avoid the fear.
Then it was absorbed and my high had surprisingly attained a state of disappointment.
I weigh more now than I used to about 20 - 30 lbs more. I thought that I had adjusted the amount of mg/kg to attain the mid 2nd Plateau but it just didn't feel the same.
Maybe it has to do with being on Lithium and Lamotrigine (Lamictal). I did the math and I was at approx. 4.4mg dxm/kg body weight. That 15 seconds or so of terror void could have been awesome if I hadn't just woken up and gotten side swiped by it "hey not ready yet yo!".
If I was listening to music and it came on it would have caused me to hear "their" voices perhaps. "Their" voices I am referring to a time when I was hospitalized for an overdose.
While I was taking a shower at the hospital I was washing my hair. When I scrubbed it came upon me all of a sudden the realization that I was being washed in acid at this government facility and that my skin was going to fall off and flow down the drain as flow of goop.
Then the thought of a child being bathed in acid came into my head. Then the voices occurred. I could hear them on the peripheral of my consciousness, all around me (like when your eyes are closed and your mind is in the center kind of like an elipse) maybe 2 inches between each entity. I could hear them and in my mind I could see them because I was putting an image together from what I heard.
They were female nurses with masks on and rubber gloves.
They were saying "it will be alright, it's almost over, we're almost done" as they washed that screaming child to death in a tub of acid.
Then while I washed my hair it was like their hands became mine and their fingers became mine.
I think that was the quickest shower I have ever taken. And since then I still sometimes get scared to take a shower.
Sometimes I get scared like no one's business on this stuff. I have to take steady breaths and focus on my breathing and immediately I think 'hey! you are going to hyperventilate!' and I am like, geez it is either have my soul sent to the pits of hell or have my body die from oxygen deprivation. I have to stay occupied and get into that place or zone where I can chill with it and enjoy it. I get the fear.
Does anyone else get the fear? If so, how do you overcome it?
I got the craving at work today. It isn't like with other substances, I get all excited and energetic just thinking about getting it back in my system.
There is no sickness just anxiety over wanting to hurriedly get out of work. I went to the store that I went to yesterday to get half of my dose.
There were several packages when I went in yesterday and today they were gone. They were only a dollar for 15 pills with 15mg dxm.
I went to another store same chain and they were gone as well. I guess they took them off the shelves all of a sudden? Crazy timing.
Had to go to the big W and get name brand stuff. At least I got 20 gels. I took 440mg. Hoping to get a 2nd Plateau. Still waiting.
It finally hit me. I feel great. I like it when it stays in my body primarily and what is in my head is dreams of grandeur and the like. Not being so messed up that you are slobbering all over yourself.
I can realize the difference between reality and a dissociated existence. But the dxm does help to give visual insight into pondering thoughts about circumstances one is thinking about. I am about to play guitar now.
I broke a string on my electric. It has been years since I have done that.
I had a bad time on my last try of DXM. I felt like I was being sucked down the drain into a place of doom, or the void, was going to be stuck in a place of absence. In the middle of it I reached out to God in a state of panic and swore it off, it was on the Sabbath and so I prayed covering my head and hid myself in the blankets from the fear. Then had to get up and keep myself occupied with working my body in the walls of the hallway trying to keep my mind off of it.
BTW I feel like crap today, totally drained.
Yea. I was taking large doses every day. Now I am taking about 300mg a day. Pop 10 15's at lunch then add here and there until time for bed. Keep that "man I feel good" feeling going. Not the "man where is my body and why is the sink sucking me into it" feeling. I have just been clicking "Post Quick Reply" to add comments, so IDK how to keep it all into one.
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