i know people that just take massive doses like that, and they dont even have a high tolerance. its kinda like alcohol to some people: you have a drink, and you're buzzed, but you wanna get more and more drunk, and its never enough, so by the end of the night you're completely shitfaced (i do this with opiates.. 30mg of oxy, a decent buzz.. but i want it to be more intense.. so i take 30mg more, and then more, until im nodding my ass off =p).
Anyway, what is it you like about benzos? the relief of anxiety and smooth drunk feeling? you said you like how it makes you less shy. well that might be true, but as you now know it can also turn u into a serious asshole at those doses. my suggestion is, (and dont take this the wrong way) try taking opiates instead of benzos. you're not addicted to benzos, since its not an absolute daily thing for you, but you're on your way. and thats a horrible horrible addiction, ESPECIALLY if ur getting it illegally, in which case ur connect could just run dry and then you are so fucked.
Opiates get rid of anxiety and relax you as well, without making you as disoriented and they will not make you black out. im not talking about shooting H or anything like that. try taking a percocet or vicodin, maybe 2. this is also addictive, but nowhere near as dangerous as what you're doing. you asked for a substitute, and while no one can say that switching to opiates is a "good thing", im sure that everyone here will agree that you're alot better off with a hydrocodone habit than an alprazolam habit. but whether its opiates or benzos, dont take either of those on a daily basis (i have with both, and i regret it horribly.. especially with benzos, although they are prescribed)