Desensitization/Retarded Ejaculation

[GrymReefer]

Never really thought about discussing this until I mentioned it a few times as of recently. Bare with me on this bizarre post and please share your experiences or opinions. Or just sympathize with me because you too know the curse...

I have retarded ejaculation.

I'll explain my story in sections to prevent confusion or difficulty in interpretation....

Pre 16 years of age- I knew what the typical orgasm felt like. I personally lost my virginity at 12 years old and was generally sexually promiscuous as a young child obviously. Like every other dude on the face of this planet I masturbated excessively as a young teenager in between whatever awkward sexual encounters I experienced. From my memory I guess I was normal in time? It would take me a good 10-15 minutes before I got off.

The surgery- I had a laparoscopic varicocelectomy to correct a vascular defect causing me an immense amount of pain as well as intratesticular pressure/swelling. I had it done when I was 16 years old and I was fully functional about 3-4 days later. Minimally invasive surgery. 3 incision marks in the umbilical region (left inguinal canal, directly below belly button, and 2 inches above where my penis connects to my pelvic area)

Post 16 years of age- Ever since the surgery orgasms are seldom experienced. Minimal amount of time I take to get off would be around 2 hours and I've went for 8 hours before I finally had my first climax (it was completely sober 8 hours. Just very determined) I don't even try to masturbate anymore. Reason number one. If I did my left/right forearm comparison would be embarrassing and reason number two is that I got too ravenous one time and I literally ripped the skin off my dick. (took forever to heal. everytime I got morning wood is would rip the scab)

I haven't had a sexual experience now in 2 years because I just gave up. I'm 23 years old and I just pretty much gave up on sexuality. I gave up because I realized that girls I slept with would have some insecurity issue with me later on because they thought they weren't good enough in bed. (really bothered me) Also it is very difficult to find a girl who isn't too nasty to actually try to have sex for 6+ hours straight. I had one girlfriend in my existence and it took me a good 9 months to work her up to having vaginal intercourse for a consistent 2-3 hours without too much pain. Also because of my inability to have frequent orgasms, when I do get off its a giant mess and I hate it.

I don't have erectile dysfunction. Its just that I don't really feel anything besides the sensation of touch (I'm assuming the pressure from a hand is what I feel) If I want to try to have an orgasm I have to concentrate on such an immense level that I've been told multiple times that I looked preoccupied during sex or that I was busy thinking about something else. I just have that look of preoccupation when I'm trying to concentrate in on any sensation..


Girls: Would you be offended if you couldn't get your guy off? Even after he explained the predisposition? I've tried explaining that its just as gratifying to have her achieve climax(s) from me. The connection is all that really matters.

Guys: Is getting off too fast really that bad? I was told from girls I've messed with that most guys get off 3-4 minutes in.. sometimes faster. Is that accurate?


Idk why I made this thread, but hopefully someone else can fake sympathy for me or maybe someone else already knows this ball game and can give me tips on how to improve my sexual experiences in the future.

 

[StarOceanHouse]

If I were in your situation, I'd highly consider prostate stimulation.

 

[GrymReefer]

If I were in your situation, I'd highly consider prostate stimulation.

Prostate stimulation? Definitely going to read on this. Have you underwent the procedure before?

Edit: I've always assumed my desensitization was caused from the surgeon unknowingly destroying a nerve. Also to note after surgery I now experience the sensation of no longer sealed inguinal canals. So my testicles can actually retract back into my body in certain positions when I lay down and then freely return back to my sack. This nevvverrrr happened prior to surgery.

 

[StarOceanHouse]

Never had your procedure done but a prostate massage will help you achieve orgasms.

 

[GrymReefer]

Never had your procedure done but a prostate massage will help you achieve orgasms.

Lol. Thanks for taking the time to respond. I never really thought my prostate could be a major factor considering I take certain compounds for prostate health/size and I'm only 23...

I read up on it and it sounds logical in the mechanics and expected results. I'm wondering if it would immediately cause an orgasm during the massaging/stimulating process because that might be a bit of an embarrassing situation.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

Have you talked to a doctor or medical professional about this? If so what did they say?

 

[GrymReefer]

Back when it initially happened I was still under my parent's control (under the age of 18) so I had a couple different appointments with my urologist who kept leaning towards the issue being a UTI rather than neurological damage. After the third visit he finally gave up on force feeding me antibiotics and referred me to a pain specialist who couldn't come up with a viable solution. My parents eventually grew annoyed with it all and stopped any further consultations.

I'm sure I probably could have sued for something like this, but being under the influence of parental control and their lackluster lifestyle of maintaining a state similar to an inanimate object.... I really had no options.

 

[Vados]

For starters, you have an actual medical reason to your delayed ejaculation, and not a result of conditioning like most men. As such, I don't have a whole lot of experience with situations such as yours. This might make it more understandable and tolerable for the women you partner up with.

If it does take you such a long time to get to that point, then perhaps try mutual masturbation with a partner. Go ahead and get started WELL before she does. Even if it is hours. Sexual therapists will use levels of arousal to know when climax is near, and perhaps your partner can join you when you are around an 8, and you can enter her when you know you're close so she doesn't have to endure hours of your thrusting into her. It just takes communication along with you knowing your own body.

My point is that we all have our sexual quirks, and if you're fortunate, you will find someone compatible with them, or someone who cares enough to work with you. In the meantime, I'd work on getting there faster.