• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT | paranoid android

Venting Describe your struggle in three words or less.

jasperkent said:
Either way, it's three words or fewer.
Click to expand...
I know man. Only jesting is all.

For I will always still consider maybe as deep down "serious" as any BL character, I am still naturally forever a joker.

And....lol, I asked myself that little irrelevant q anyway you see, nothing on it.


So I simply spilled my thought cube.

Not in any way ever calling you, or anyone out.

Unless it's a right misdirected bully who only needs help, establishing where those bumper walls actually are and why getting back on track is only sense lol...


I do swear though, because maybe this doesn't notice cos it's too blended like
Heads & Tails, I do indulge both deepest darkest sides of life

And can go full free with fun humour which is a handy, vital balance I guess? lol.


Besides do hope you're holding steady in life.
 
Psychlone Jack said:
Two-hour anxiety attack.
Click to expand...
The red face....is a joke btw lol.


I NEVER express my anger THAT silly immature cop-out way, IMO.

Nah I just defy laws of bans etc lol by proving our schoolground rhyme of " Sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me"

Is bo-locks lol.

Words man chosen insightfully intuitively delivered with precision with prime timing


So powerful hence truer adage which also I like a lot more tbf, " The pen is mightier than the sword"


But yeah mate, I know, anxiety. I has become the story of my living experience.


Complex factors, many neurological infections since Lyme damaging NS physically, Covids actually worst of all there too honest, once NS and immune system dysregulated.


Add what 300-500 mg's LSD over 26 years, crazy q OG exstacy


Finally, mate even 25-30 mg's Bromazolam or Etizolam, like 300 mg's Diazepam

And double average kava drinker's daily

Should sleep any Elephant I figure but nah still only keeps me going spare.



So in well over 3 words lol ^ that would be MY struggle, among many additions


But @Psychlone Jack. i'm abnormal example.

Just wondering if kava would help you?

I get such anxiety admittedly from strong weed much as I love it, kava really does quench that.
 
AutoTripper said:
The red face....is a joke btw lol.


I NEVER express my anger THAT silly immature cop-out way, IMO.

Nah I just defy laws of bans etc lol by proving our schoolground rhyme of " Sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me"

Is bo-locks lol.

Words man chosen insightfully intuitively delivered with precision with prime timing


So powerful hence truer adage which also I like a lot more tbf, " The pen is mightier than the sword"


But yeah mate, I know, anxiety. I has become the story of my living experience.


Complex factors, many neurological infections since Lyme damaging NS physically, Covids actually worst of all there too honest, once NS and immune system dysregulated.


Add what 300-500 mg's LSD over 26 years, crazy q OG exstacy


Finally, mate even 25-30 mg's Bromazolam or Etizolam, like 300 mg's Diazepam

And double average kava drinker's daily

Should sleep any Elephant I figure but nah still only keeps me going spare.



So in well over 3 words lol ^ that would be MY struggle, among many additions


But @Psychlone Jack. i'm abnormal example.

Just wondering if kava would help you?

I get such anxiety admittedly from strong weed much as I love it, kava really does quench that.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the encouragement mate. It's something I've had a better hold on over the last few years, but reared it's ugly had lately with the bupe taper. I should consider myself lucky, this is one of only two real rough patches I've had with it, the drop from 8 to 7 first, then now at 4. I'm sure that'll change here any day now lol, go to 3.5 Sunday. The bupe undoubtedly served it's purpose, but I am so ready to be free of this shit lol. As sucky as I know it would be, if I weren't working two jobs I'd jump right now.

Kava I have tried before, there were some noticeable anxiolytic effects, but not really enough to warrant the liver risks with the issues I already have. Ironically, no doctor will prescribe me benzos to help get off subs... because I'm on subs, lol, despite the fact I've filled my last script. 🙄

Oh well, c'est la viè.
 
BK38 said:
Need some company
Click to expand...
Mate, my ONLY and I shudder to call it company, in life some little while now..

Is my bless-ed 74 Yr old totally mentally/emotionally/spiritually/cognitively & nervously broken down mum.

Who for literally too the honest best purest intentions only, drives me dangerously livid!

Daily!

I have too much legit fresh major nerve damages though, nerves in a physical way are ultra sensitised.


Taking LSD like this would be murderous I'd never dare

And I'm not one to fear without a mighty cause usually.



But, being alone. Isolated. Cut-off. Alienated etc.

Deprived!!

? I used to imagine so til spectacular realisation

What a gift in disguise.


No chance in these things.

Humanity is lost, like a flock of birds can only ever see nearest 6 or 7 around and just roll with the flow.


So being outside that flock as a free conscious observer is the only objective way


Plus even I was in danger, of "picking up the accent" i.e. becoming a little like others in ways through spending enough time!


Now no matter what I can't see me making such error. My strangely forced isolation health aside because I'm in life totally v v popular naturally


Amazing gift to grow and be only me.


Hard lonely times.


But wicked people are still too hard to find and the value/reward of choosing company well right reason & time can't be overstated.


Just saying I've truly been there, am there, expect to be, lol.
 
AutoTripper said:
Mate, my ONLY and I shudder to call it company, in life some little while now..

Is my bless-ed 74 Yr old totally mentally/emotionally/spiritually/cognitively & nervously broken down mum.

Who for literally too the honest best purest intentions only, drives me dangerously livid!

Daily!

I have too much legit fresh major nerve damages though, nerves in a physical way are ultra sensitised.


Taking LSD like this would be murderous I'd never dare

And I'm not one to fear without a mighty cause usually.



But, being alone. Isolated. Cut-off. Alienated etc.

Deprived!!

? I used to imagine so til spectacular realisation

What a gift in disguise.


No chance in these things.

Humanity is lost, like a flock of birds can only ever see nearest 6 or 7 around and just roll with the flow.


So being outside that flock as a free conscious observer is the only objective way


Plus even I was in danger, of "picking up the accent" i.e. becoming a little like others in ways through spending enough time!


Now no matter what I can't see me making such error. My strangely forced isolation health aside because I'm in life totally v v popular naturally


Amazing gift to grow and be only me.


Hard lonely times.


But wicked people are still too hard to find and the value/reward of choosing company well right reason & time can't be overstated.


Just saying I've truly been there, am there, expect to be, lol.
Click to expand...
THREE WORDS ONLY
 
AutoTripper said:
Mate, I'll be straight unlike usual...

I have "warrant" right now though I believe.


Things, have gone wrong. Massively irrecoverably so this tine but not out of blue.


Severe mounting way above managing bearing strain.


I only have not suicided so many times last 2.15 yrs only but atm today, and this week


Because I don't want to. I think it'll be nasty but living in any way being awake through no choice conscious of every pin dropping through, no choice.


Pain cannot be verbalised. X 50 more.

Most ragious caustic aggressive rows with my mum always last 6 months increasing, today is miles high record.



Seriously I just hope to die.

2023 I food fasted 50 times at least, 36-70 hours, incl loads 40-48, 50's two 70' lots 36 to 40.

And easy 24-30 hours 100 other times.


Was my only way to survive dem damn 2021 accident consequences at every expense especially my mind.



I have never been so stressed, boiling. Trapped.


My nervous system is proper flipped physically from Covids causing hyper nerve sensitisation to everything most all impossible relationship with my mum.



There is no correcting this.


Lately, fasting is impossible though. Torture not like before.


Many factors. Have lost weight. Damn cold atm. Nervous system unable to rest a bit night or day. Parasites small intestine since October.


And zero I mean ZERO interest in anything at all i mean anything at all, requiring consciousness thought feeling memory sensory perception.



On top already I've made myself too sick with extreme stress after trying to quietly suffer too much too long too much finally finally


And 100% disinterestedness in the world like people don't understand how to even relate to.

I've lost my rag.


My mum went out after too much stress, again.


I have one hope now that starving is going to be possible viable & achievable now since yesterday a specialised chiropractic treatment correction actual all round body organ system function.

I'll see. If I can suffer out time experience also really suffocating fresh acute respiratory infection, I bet Ladbrokes is notger Covid, unable to quickly cull down for 1st time ever after changing batteries in my localised Electromedicine device Thursday wire broke inside 1st time ever 8 years!


Mum relationship atrocious atm. ME or chronic fatigue add Titanic more stops me getting other town side repair shop can't afford taxi.


My chips don't exist.


Overnight & earlier living passing time was physically, and therefore mentally anyway insufferable.



I intend to hope pass today, sleep over ONE hour, never possible since curses bowel disorder from accident 2021.


Then another 24 hrs fasting won't be nearly as torture too, the load lessens.



I'm about 60-61 kg's so vs 50 in 2019, not starving but weak hungry and feel starving.


Stress is rocketing my heart. I've NO will or plan to keep life. I don't want to go via the equivalent of 1200 cups of coffee.


So at my ready point always I rack for any other stepping stone bear and pass time.

Have so far but this show's only begun really.


Feel v v sick in full adrenaline state. In real trouble this time call it.


I aren't asking for pity, support, encouragement, even empathy, no disrespect.



But this is serious and if I don't show anymore, I might be coping in a new way


Or no more. Likely not to feel like communicating expressing sharing speaking at all though if so, so you see


I say this truth above now maybe in precise and articulate ways not many would under the gravity.
Click to expand...
Just Stay Calm !
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top