Hey everyone , after a bad shroom trip 7 months ago I was left with pretty bad anxiety and derealization and depersonilazation. I was smoking weed on and off which worsened my symptoms. I also developed an ocd which I never had in my life before the trip , I now wash my hands more frequently and I also check if my car is locked multiple times. I went on a 3 and a half month drug free break.
Until I smoked a dab last monday , and a 2 more dabs spread 3 days apart. Each time I felt great and I didn't feel like my world was caving in and everything was fake.
The thing is I stopped meditation like an idiot which I will get back into and I still have bad anxiety. My derealization for the most part is gone I no longer see everything as dream like and surreal.
My question is with the vision , Im not sure how my vision was before I had dp/dr so i cant tell if i'm recovered or not , at one point it felt like everything was like a painting that could be ripped in half at any point. But I no longer feel like that , I keep telling myself what more should I be expecting from my eyes? Like its hard to explain , how should "normal" vision feel like?
Also I still struggle with DP , like I recognize myself in the mirror now a lot better. But very rarely I have that abstract thought of what is self and how can that be defined? It feels strange and weird.
So just ordered a MFLB vape and idk if i should continue smoking , I dont intend to ever abuse weed again , nor do I intend to touch anything but weed.
This is a fragile and pivotal point for me in my recovery idk if I should mess it uo by smoking which so far has caused no negatives except maybe the reacurence of the abstract thinking which is rare. Also weed actually helped me with my ocd which has gone down significantly , only thing is the ocd of thinking about this.
I already sort of feel dissapointed I went so long without weed and I only smoked 3 times and I have to stop again , which sucks. Time invested was sort of wasted and I may have slowed my recovery.
THoughts?
Until I smoked a dab last monday , and a 2 more dabs spread 3 days apart. Each time I felt great and I didn't feel like my world was caving in and everything was fake.
The thing is I stopped meditation like an idiot which I will get back into and I still have bad anxiety. My derealization for the most part is gone I no longer see everything as dream like and surreal.
My question is with the vision , Im not sure how my vision was before I had dp/dr so i cant tell if i'm recovered or not , at one point it felt like everything was like a painting that could be ripped in half at any point. But I no longer feel like that , I keep telling myself what more should I be expecting from my eyes? Like its hard to explain , how should "normal" vision feel like?
Also I still struggle with DP , like I recognize myself in the mirror now a lot better. But very rarely I have that abstract thought of what is self and how can that be defined? It feels strange and weird.
So just ordered a MFLB vape and idk if i should continue smoking , I dont intend to ever abuse weed again , nor do I intend to touch anything but weed.
This is a fragile and pivotal point for me in my recovery idk if I should mess it uo by smoking which so far has caused no negatives except maybe the reacurence of the abstract thinking which is rare. Also weed actually helped me with my ocd which has gone down significantly , only thing is the ocd of thinking about this.
I already sort of feel dissapointed I went so long without weed and I only smoked 3 times and I have to stop again , which sucks. Time invested was sort of wasted and I may have slowed my recovery.
THoughts?