Derealization (Update) Thoughts?

[Broly]

Hey everyone , after a bad shroom trip 7 months ago I was left with pretty bad anxiety and derealization and depersonilazation. I was smoking weed on and off which worsened my symptoms. I also developed an ocd which I never had in my life before the trip , I now wash my hands more frequently and I also check if my car is locked multiple times. I went on a 3 and a half month drug free break.


Until I smoked a dab last monday , and a 2 more dabs spread 3 days apart. Each time I felt great and I didn't feel like my world was caving in and everything was fake.


The thing is I stopped meditation like an idiot which I will get back into and I still have bad anxiety. My derealization for the most part is gone I no longer see everything as dream like and surreal.


My question is with the vision , Im not sure how my vision was before I had dp/dr so i cant tell if i'm recovered or not , at one point it felt like everything was like a painting that could be ripped in half at any point. But I no longer feel like that , I keep telling myself what more should I be expecting from my eyes? Like its hard to explain , how should "normal" vision feel like?


Also I still struggle with DP , like I recognize myself in the mirror now a lot better. But very rarely I have that abstract thought of what is self and how can that be defined? It feels strange and weird.


So just ordered a MFLB vape and idk if i should continue smoking , I dont intend to ever abuse weed again , nor do I intend to touch anything but weed.


This is a fragile and pivotal point for me in my recovery idk if I should mess it uo by smoking which so far has caused no negatives except maybe the reacurence of the abstract thinking which is rare. Also weed actually helped me with my ocd which has gone down significantly , only thing is the ocd of thinking about this.


I already sort of feel dissapointed I went so long without weed and I only smoked 3 times and I have to stop again , which sucks. Time invested was sort of wasted and I may have slowed my recovery.


THoughts?

 

[Dimkov]

I think that depersonalization is not so bad thing and it has to do something with spiritual development. The ego is a construction that the psychedelics destroy and what you are left with is the fact that you are something other than your body and your mind. That is why you feel depersonalized and you are anxious. Low levels of anxiety have their positive side, however - they make you think and doubt.

There are specific brain centers named associative centers that process information from all modalities in order to integrate it into a single whole – a single consciousness, a single perception, etc. May be there are disordered in some way, but I cannot say if it is positive or negative.

I also experience both depersonalization and derealization all the time but I get used to it. I think it is an attempt my brain to transform itself into something else, i.e. to acquire different way of representing the world, a better way, hopefully.

What about HPPD – hallucinogen persisting perception disorder? May be it could be the answer to your question about the vision.

About the OCD, they threat it with serotoninergic medications. But my opinion is that it has also something to do with dopamine. You say that weed worsens your symptomatology. My suggestion is to try something that elevates dopamine levels to see if the problem is there or not. It is like playing with the fire, however. But you want to find out what is going on.

One last question: how is your thought? Are there any deviations or everything is in order?

Hope this helps in some way.

 

[psy997]

Yes, I'm not so sure that looking in the mirror and seeing someone different is so bad as the normal person might make it out to be. Maybe this is a time for you to come to a new perception of who, and what you actually are. My advice would be to use this breaking of the normal self-perception to really inquire deep within yourself as to who and what you want to be, and use this lull of the normal self to realize that dream.

 

[neurotic]

I had some bad DP/DR from lots of weed and shrooms and i know exactly what you mean when you say that theres something with your vision but you dont know how it is to havê normal vision.

I stopped weed and psychs (2 months completely off, a bit more time with little use) and it does seem to havê improved. But i guess a bit of it is about how you view it. The more you focus on it, the more noticeable it gets and you van easily convincente yourself of anything you wanna believe. Try to let it go at times

Abstaining from drugs is def a great idea. I personally found that weed is terrible for it but opiates and Coke arent.

Im thinking abt giving nootropics a try. You could try too.