Opioids Deeper than I thought...Needle on the horizon? New BL user

[honestlyOK]

I don't know what the fuck's going on with me, I thought I could get by using twice a week. My opiate addiction (pills) was getting out of control and I couldn't keep up my supply so I tried dropping down to using just once a week, using kratom as a substitute so I don't go into withdrawal, but ever since it's like I can't go a day without kratom or else I'm feeling withdrawal. I've been using it for a while to motivate me and be productive during the day but never more than once every other day. Now it's like all of my dependency is crashing down on my head, like trying to chill out has somehow made it dig in deeper and intensify. I'm really fucking stressed from life stuff too, but it can't be just that - it's not like I've got cravings really, but my body and mind just feel wrong, deprived, and I'm so on edge. And the kratom calms it. I don't know what to do because I hear people talking about how they can maintain a steady dose of kratom without getting a tolerance but it's not like that for me, I have to keep upping my dose to get the same effects. And I don't know why, I don't know if it's partly just in my head or if it's because I'm using pills with the kratom too or what. To top it off I'm totally spoiled by my supplier - I could never afford to sustain my habit without this connect - but they're talking about only selling me half the # of pills a month and I don't know what the fuck to do. It's a heavy opiate and even if I could find more sources I can't afford to fill in with weak shit like norcos. So the needle is looking really tempting right now, just to spare me withdrawals. But I've never done it before, I don't know anybody who shoots up or even anybody who'd be there to spot me. I've got supportive people in my life but the ones who know about my addiction won't go there with me, they'd try to talk me out of it. So I'm scared of fucking it up, I don't know if I can do it myself. But I don't know what the fuck else to do, I'm desperate.

Can anybody help me make sense of this? Why am I feeling withdrawal now, like everyday, when before I could go three, four, five days without using pills and no problem? And just a couple weeks ago I went a whole week without using pills. Am I just imagining it, is it really just the stress and I'm just panicking because I've got it in my head it's WD?

How can I (relatively) safely shoot up myself, by myself, for the first time? I've just been railing pills before now but I've got easy access to clean syringes and needles, I just need to order micron filters. And the pills I've got have minimal binders and fillers, I've read it's pretty safe as far as injection goes. Please understand I'm just trying to do this so I don't have go through withdrawals at a time in my life where they will literally lay waste to my life because I'm already so close to the edge, and withdrawals won't get me any closer to getting out from under this addiction, it'll just make me more desperate and out of control.

This is my first post so if some of these answers are already out there, I'd appreciate if you could send me that way. But also if anybody could reply here, it'd be really nice to just talk to somebody because I'm feeling pretty fucking scared and alone. Thanks

 

[ImSTILLtrying]

dude, youre not feeling WD's. thats FO SHO! its a mental game. legit, you are barely using drugs, man, lol.

 

[Jekyl Anhydride]

Jumping to the needle is a dark step to take if your trying to potentiate the (unknown) pills you have. The problem being that although you might get a more pronounced high, your tolerance will quickly match it. Basically the needle is only going to buy you a small amount of time but the newfound habit will probably follow you for a long regrettable time to come. There are other ROA's, routes of administration, that can improve your bio-availability without poking holes into your skin and leaving scars. Plugging is a favorite among many and some prefer it to IV. If your not familiar with plugging check the search engine. Also you mentioned railing/ snorting which has a lower bio availability than actually swallowing the pill. Sure you can feel it quicker but the total effect is diminished. It would definitely help to know what you are taking. Seriously contemplate starting an IV habit before thoroughly exploring all your options.

 

[Burnt Offerings]

If you're mind is set on injection drug use, I would highly recommend that you get someone who's "been there, done that" to at least be present for your first time. Hitting yourself, registering etc. definitely ain't rocket science, but your first time ever is a "teachable moment" for sure.

 

[anonymous277]

Listen to stories of those who have been there and done that before taking such a leap into the needle. My first second and third guess says, do not start something that you can not finish. It is "hella" easier to say "no" now than it would be after you start the needle. If i were you i would not even entertain this idea. Imo this is not a good idea. I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Roxi808]

Umm yeah, from what I read you do Kratom semi daily and pills a couple days a week? And you recently went a week with no pills? Dude you don't even have a fucking habit....and talking about shooting to avoid withdrawals? That's pure nonsense...grow a brain and some balls before you know what a real habit is.

 

[kleinerkiffer]

Welcome to Bluelight
Injecting a drug you to overcome tolerance seems like a good idea, while you're withdrawing, but think about it again, you don't have enough money to maintain your habit, you start injecting the drug, this'll increase your tolerance, you again don't have enough money to buy enough pills and you may enjoy IV too much. So it'll work for a small period of time, but after that you're back to square one and have a needle habit.
What about plugging (tolerance will increase too, but it's safer than injecting)?
And you should think about tapering

 

[Kittycat5]

I think you are mistaking craving for withdrawal. Describe how you feel because opioid wd does have some classic symptoms and maybe we can decide that first. But injecting to stave off whatever it is sounds just plain destructive to me. You'll be blowing through more in no time.

 

[honestlyOK]

call it what you want. i've got a 32mg dilaudid tolerance and my pills/month are about to be halved. i can't afford to buy from other sources. and i've read plugging has mixed results at best vs. insufflation, not to mention i'd be trying a new ROA and if it doesn't go right i'm wasting already scarce pills. so what do you suggest i do? do you got advice or you just wanna talk down to me?

 

[kleinerkiffer]

call it what you want. i've got a 32mg dilaudid tolerance and my pills/month are about to be halved. i can't afford to buy from other sources. and i've read plugging has mixed results at best vs. insufflation, not to mention i'd be trying a new ROA and if it doesn't go right i'm wasting already scarce pills. so what do you suggest i do? do you got advice or you just wanna talk down to me?

Your best bet is to taper with the pills you have left. If you start injecting you'll be back at square one in no time

 

[Kittycat5]

call it what you want. i've got a 32mg dilaudid tolerance and my pills/month are about to be halved. i can't afford to buy from other sources. and i've read plugging has mixed results at best vs. insufflation, not to mention i'd be trying a new ROA and if it doesn't go right i'm wasting already scarce pills. so what do you suggest i do? do you got advice or you just wanna talk down to me?

I wasnt talking down. But we are getting somewhere now. 32mg weekly or twice a week. Ok. I still would like to know how you feel when you dont take but I agree, taper. Dude, Ive been there, Im not downplaying your situation. Just looking for info to help, ok?

 

[honestlyOK]

sorry, i was trying to just reply to Roxi808 above, they were talking down to me. i don't really know how this forum works.

anyway what i'm feeling is extreme restlessness, anxiety, irritability, foggy thinking, short attention span, fatigue, deep depression etc.

maybe it's not really withdrawal, please tell me, if it's not that's a relief. but it doesn't make me wanna use any less, just to escape the nightmare that's my mind right now. and either way i'm positive the opiates are fucking with my mental health. maybe it's actually messing with my brain chemistry. or maybe it's all in my head, maybe i'm just forgetting how to care about anything, how to even try to be happy except when i'm high. i dunno, i've got bad mental health problems, i always have and i never really know what's making me miserable. maybe i just got so used to that glorious high waiting for me every week, a few times a week, and now that my tolerance got so high and it's not blowing my mind anymore, my mood's gone into free-fall.

but if that's what's up it just makes me wanna pick up the needle more, so i can look forward to the rush again, so i can really escape. i used to coast thru the week just on the anticipation of getting high and going out at night. and i'm sure thousands of people have said it before me, but if i could really just use, just shoot up once a week, couldn't i keep my tolerance steady indefinitely?

 

[Keif' Richards]

Man, don't take most stuff personally on here. Most of us really aren't judgmental at all and just care about helping other members on the forums. If it seems like you're being disrespected, just take into account the cold, vaguely scientific nature of the things we're discussing. There's not a ton of room for straight emotion here on Bluelight. Sometimes we'll provide you with an answer that may soom rude or laconic, but we definitely don't mean to. That's not to say we don't have assholes, we do, but most of us aren't.

How much Hydromorphone are you using per day, 32mg?

 

[Inamess]

PLEASE DON'T USE THAT NEEDLE please

 

[honestlyOK]

no, 32mg just once a week, not every day. before that it was 24mg twice a week and before that a few times but i cut down to stop my tolerance from shooting up.

 

[Dreaded]

Brotha. The nest advice I can give you is to quit while you are ahead. If you think going to the needle to spare what you're calling WD you are in for a rude awakening. SWIM started smoking oxys at 15 and switched to heroin around 17, smoked H for a year and went to the needle because SWIM thought they'd never quit dope without at least trying the needle so swim had " experienced it all". The addiction was already bad. But the needle has ruined life completely. You are not even experience real hard opiate WD.

Smoking and popping even just pills will give a worse feeling than you desceibe.. but IV makes everything so much worse.. and it does not spare WD. . After a couple weeks your tolerance will be so high the WD will triple ,and soon you'll be slamming a gram of the best dope you can find and barely getting any rush... it'll lead to shooting up anything for any kind of rush. . SWIM is now slamming goofballs (meth and heroin) because the heroin just keeps from getting sick.. SWIM is only early 20s with 8 years of hard addiction, teeth are all breaking apart and shit... at least it's just the teeth and still have decent looks lol...

TlDR... the needle is dancing with another devil altogether. You are creating a second addiction, just the act of using the needle is so fucking addictive. Best of luck.. save yourself

 

[crzydiamond]

OP. What you are describing is sort of the opiate hangover, the depression that comes after using. It's kind of like, after using, your brain is short on the dopamine it overproduced so you kind of feel off until the body readjusts.

Opioid withdrawal involves physical shakiness, vomiting, diarrhea (often both ends at the same time and uncontrollable), eyes watering /tearing, sneezing fits (10+ in a row that just will not stop), muscles aches, insomnia to the point you won't sleep for at minimum the 3-5 days of physical withdrawal, RLS (restless leg syndrome) to where you can't lay still but you're so fatigued you can barely walk to get the blood flowing, fatigue--picking your arm up to comb your hair becomes a chore....there's more but those are the main ones


This is why you're getting feedback telling you that you don't have a habit.

They aren't being mean. They are telling you that you have no clue what real wd is, and what you're in for. They're saying get out while the getting is good...because the wd increases tenfold when on the needle.


This is what's going to happen if you start shooting :
1. At first you will need less to feel what you do now
2. You'll also get a major rush (dilaudid is the crack of opiates--hardcore rush/no lasting legs when IVd)
3. It won't last long so you'll IV more. And more. And your 32 mg weekly will be 32 mg in a shot. Probably within a few weeks

And for the rest of the story...read the should I do heroin mega thread. Different substance, same end result.


Now, stopping opiates will definitely give you a few depressing weeks. Your brain needs to heal. You just have to be aware that it's not going to be like that forever, and get through it.

I can guarantee you, any depression you have now is nowhere near the pits of hell of depression in a heavy opioid habit



You are fortunate. You're not physically addicted, maybe very very minorly, but really you sound as if it's psychological. Cravings, desire to use for escape, wanting the high. This will be the easiest time in your life to stop. Keep going, and you'll look back and wish you had

You're truly at a crossroads.....the needle takes you on a very dark and twisted path...but you alone have to choose your path. Know this though...many people have picked up the needle for "economic reasons", "to recapture the high"....and I don't know one person who says picking up the needle was a good choice....Not one single person I know who IVs or has IVd says they are glad they chose that ROA....

 

[Kittycat5]

Well said. HonestlyOK, people here will help you even if for just a bit. Trust in that regardless whatever you are going through.

 

[falsifiedhypothesi]

all I can say is please give plugging a try before you switch to the needle if you are dead set on it. plugging can be very intense and economical especially with low oral bioavailable drugs like hydromorphone. just please try plugging once before you go to the needle

 

[morphine-dreams]

As a former addict, I agree that OP, you're not in WD and you're using supposed WD which is actually just cravings/psychological addiction to rationalize and justify falling deeper down the rabbit hole. You know you're really in WD when you're sweating through your clothes, throwing up every few hours (or minutes), and your teeth are chattering because you're freezing down to the bone. I realize this sounds harsh, but I'm saying it because it's real, and I've been there. Listen to everyone here who's telling you it's a BAD idea. I never even got into needles, I can't imagine what would've happened if I did.