Thanks. It wasn't even "holidays" or family related at all.
I am really glad I didn't use any hard drugs to cope with how I felt, but I think benzodiazepines should be legal and available in small quantities OTC. I only feel the need to alleviate panic/anxiety once a year or less now, and I don't see why anyone should have to suffer through a panic attack.
I'm working on acceptance and changing my perspective on things.