Short version? Alright.
Long version? Since 2020 I am a paraplegic with no sensations/motion below T4, or roughly the diaphragm. One night I was leaning out of a hip-height 3rd story window, when suddenly I experienced a spontaneous pneumothorax - my lung sprung a leak, my chest exploded with pain, I lost conciousness, and fell 3 stories onto dirt, breaking several ribs, puncturing the other lung as well, and also broke my spine at T4 (any higher and my arms wouldn't work). It took some time in the ICU and a few brushes with death but I survived and also began to adapt. Now I also have chronic pressure sores on my butt (since about early 2021) which developed from erroneous use of the wrong type of mattress for a year or more. They have gone to the bone before and been infected multiple times. Thankfully nowadays I have an appropriate sleeping surface now: a "low air loss mattress", i.e. an air mattress that automatically changes between two pressures to avoid pressure points. Yet, recently my wounds developed a fistula between my urethra and my perineum that allows urine to leak out randomly, and led to an unsightly urinary catheter being implanted in my lower abdomen, directly through the abdominal wall, which unfortunately is not meant to correct anything, and indeed two seperate urologists refuse to attempt any sort of repair or closure lest it fail later..
I have broken my right hip (somehow doing so while entirely bedridden) and only became aware of it after a pelvis X-ray. It was decided that treatment was only neccesary for someone who felt pain and also could be expected to walk again. Also, when stretching one day, I managed to snap my right femur into 3 pieces. It made a sound like a slightly dry tree branch snapping, and curiously I had the least appropriate reaction (A somewhat nonplussed, "Oh, I seem to have just broken my leg. I think I need a nurse, and maybe we should set it soon..." - no sweating, not even slight discomfort, even when manipulated). It was thankfully fixed quite quickly. And as a boon, the doctor came by one day and said "You really should be taking strong pain medication on a regular basis, after all, you did break your leg!" and ever since I can get 3mg hydromorphone every 4h. (Sometimes I will even stockpile a few doses and snort or plug it as a special treat.)
My paralysis limits me from a few obvious things I once loved: walking, biking, swimming, using stairs and ladders, being able to dance, being able to navigate uneven terrain and explore the wilderness. I am unable to lift myself up if I am on the floor. I lack some of the vocal strength and ability to cough, due to loss of abdominal muscles. I am now totally unable to defennd myself effectively in a fight.
Getting around in a manual chair, alone, is tiring, inefficient, and also riskier than walking because it's slower and less visible, It's not easy to carry as much as before.
Traveling in cars is harder because I need a special board to slide myself to and from the chair to the car, and could end up on the dirt if not careful.
Also, I cannot drive a car without special modifications, because I can't operate foot pedals.
My belly is permanently distended, because I have no tone in my abs the vast majority of the time. Likewise my legs and feet will become swollen and oedematous if I sit up for too long.
In addition my paralysis means I cannot, through any normal means, have intercourse, get an erection, ejaculate, or experience an orgasm (presumably ever again - thankfully I was not a virgin prior to my accident). This is made all the more frustrating because my sex drive is as healthy as ever. (Any ladies who wish to have rather asymmetric fun times with in theory one of the least selfish partners ever, possibly with addition of stimulants, THC, MDMA and/or amyl nitrite... PM me. Please.)
A recent MRI scan has shown that my cervical spine (neck) has a massive syrinx (fluid filled cavity) taking up a humongous portion of the centre of the cord, meaning there is only a thin hollow cylinder of nerve tissue responsible for carrying all the electrical impulses of everything I can still feel and use. If the syrinx is attempted to be drained there is a chance the tiny bit of nerve tissue will be irreversibly damaged and would render me quadriplegic or even dead.
I cannot urinate or defecate "normally" (no muscle controls) but thankfully also do not randomly do so without warning. (If you must know, a rubber tube called a Foley catheter drains my bladder continuously, and every 3 days I take laxative suppositories and have a nurse or care aide "manually disimpact", meaning physically remove poo by hand, by reaching inside - or in some cases must do so myself.
I am constantly wracked by muscular spasms below my level of injury, which consist of rapid and sometimes violent contraction/extension of my trunk and leg muscles, sometimes forcing my ribcage in and my breath out, which make any activity, even laying totally still, difficult and often also painful. To control this, usually I take at least 7 medications at high doses: baclofen up to 40mg q4h, tizanidine up to 8mg q4h dantrolene 50mg q6h, clonazepam, 0.5mg bid, methadone 80mg daily, THC and CBD up to 100mg/d each, and nabilone 20mg daily. Also I have had large amounts of Botox injected into my leg muscles. (In hospital, which is a common place I find myself) I am restricted to about half these doses, and even then they are considered :"excessive" and some doctors would like to decrease them, but my spasms are barely controlled. Also, I get weekly testosterone injections for severe deficiency.
Overall, there is, as of now, no hope whatsoever to regain lost function, and there is also a slight risk my spinal injury could worsen and render me paraplegic.
Housing wise, because I was evicted from an assisted living for dozens of "hazard reports" of trivial, overblown, and incontestable violations, from "plastic take out fork on nightstand", "USB cable present in bed poses electrocution and strangling risk", "empty paper bag on floor is excessive litter", and my favourite, "video evidence shows tenant tampered with fire alarm master panel and proceeded to damage automatic front door by repeatedly ramming with his wheelchair until it broke" - I like drugs, sure, but not drugs causing delirium like that (no benzos, no deleriants, and PCP plays nice with me in general) and also have zero recollection of this, no injury either of any sort, and upon asking was never allowed to see the claimed video. Because my only income is disability assistance. it is functionally impossible to rent anywhere wheelchair accessible (which would cost 3-5x my disability), so before eviction day I made a plan to go live at my usual local hospital, thankfully in a private room, the care I receive is quite good, and I get along with all the nurses. I can even get away with sneaking some THC/CBD vapes (extracts only) if I make efforts to control emissions ("ghosting" the hit by inhaling significant amounts of air alongside the vapour, and holding it in as long as possible to maximize the amount absorbed in the lungs, breathe any excess out into a wet towel (slowly) and time it all right to allow for around 1he for the smell to dissipate before nurses come in. Unfortunately the Ministry of Social Development and Poverty Reduction got wind I live in the hospital, and reduced my total monthly payment to just CAD$274 (which is US$200). The reason? From their perspective, my rent is paid, the bills and maintenance is paid, food is provided, and medical care is also provided, meaning in their view I only "need" $274 for special, extra, non-essential treats. Like for instance, cell phone service, internet services - a VPN is very handy for the filtered internet here, maybe a streaming service. Any and all repairs for electronics (laptop, phone, etc). And don't forget ordering actual food via a delivery service once in a while. If you are planning to go anywhere, unless you can book a shuttle bus (local transit authority provides point to point wheelchair/disability transit for $3/trip with a program called HandyDart) which usually needs 24h notice and can only go one place at a time (need multiple bookings for multiple stops). It's great, but if you end up instead needing a wheelchair taxi (for more urgent trip needs, say late at night or early in the morning, with less than a few hours notice, or if making multiple stops) that can run between 10 and 50 dollars per one way trip based upon distance and time.
And not to mention, maybe you also like one of the many substances used these days, from something as common as beer/wine/cocktails or cigars/cigarettes/vapes, to marijuana/THC/CBD products, to the other classics like meth, coke/crack, "down", benzos, GHB, maybe even a psychedelic or a dissociative. Even OTC drugs - naproxen, benzocaine toothache gel, Gravol for nausea. Tums for indigestion. That toothpaste you like. Dental floss. (not provided somehow)
Or maybe you want some decent non-hospital clothing.
Or you want to go see a movie.
How do you make ends meet at all?
And when I do move out, if I go to long term care, I get the same pittance amount.
Socially, I have maybe one serious friend I see semi-regularly,, maybe four acquaintances I occasionally talk to, and my dear mother still. Not a lot of friends. Several of them quite literally stopped talking to me post-paralysis.
So what keeps me going?
Drugs (aka a
lot of weed/THC). Really good food. Music. News. Videos. Science. Friends and family, Cool tech and gadgets.
Stories about crypto fuckups and ripoffs,moderate amounts of hope for the future, teaching others, and writing!
As long as I can use my hands and my mind works, I'll make it OK. But I have decided if I ever become quadriplegic, I'm checking out for good.
And on the internet, nobody knows you are a cripple until you tell them.
Sorry for the wall of text but... I live a hard life. And people should see that despite all that, I can persevere.
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