My wife and I are both young with three children. So trying to keep an average sex life has been hard. We've been together for five years and of the last three our sex life has greatly diminished. Partly due to the crazy life of having children although I make time and privacy for us constantly. As things started to decrease the became more frustrating. She had a co-worker who's husband and her were swingers. They would have sex with other couples in the same room. Often times trying to create a relationship with the other couple. One night my wife explained that this was all of a sudden a fantasy. I believe that as a relationship grow you must grow and adapt, try new things, etc. The issue came from the fact that I was not involved in this fantasy. She wanted to be used by this couple. During the course of much argument I explained that I had never considered sleeping with someone else without her. My fantasy is a threesome with two women. As we argued more fantasies came out which still didn't include me. The arguments basically ended with her not liking the stance I took and agreeing to not discuss it again unless it became a bigger issue for her. Well of course that happened. So trying to be a good partner I agreed to talk to these folks and exchange pictures and such. I thought that maybe one the initial high of taking to someone new, like when you start a relationship, wood make me feel different. But after the first couple days it just still didn't feel right for me. So again it was put aside. Our sex life still went downhill as more discussion of the other fantasies yealded no happiness for with of us. She wanted to be used by more than one man. She has a few sex toys so I tried to compromise by using them to in a way give the illusion of multiple partners. Doesn't work. She has a fantasy about glory holes. Says she wants to be used. Ok I can do that. No that won't work because I know it's you. Great. So when we get no where she asks if she can have free reign to talk to other men any ways she likes. Im an attempt to be the bigger person I agree. After she talks to a few people and realizes she can't have them she doesn't like it anymore. So the swingers are brought up again. This time trying to be the bigger person I say ok. We'll talk to them and we'll go through with it. Again not at all what I want. So we talk and come Valentine's day I take her for the four hour drive as now we all live apart. We have a few beers and laughs as we have all hung out before. And we agree to try this. My wife and the other woman start it which was great. It was what I wanted to see. Then the otheran became involved and it just killed it for me. I ended up stopping the whole thing which to my surprise they were ALL very nice about. But having made that huge sacrifice for my wife didn't pay off. Our sex life became worse. Again the fantasies that didn't involve me or that I couldn't somehow try to help acheive. Then come to find out she's talking to two men she has sworn were only her friends. One she just let say things to her weren't OK. The other she sent pictures to. So I gave the the choice of me or them because after everything I can't take much more. She agreed and stopped talking to the. Now that you've heard the back story... She had hatred towards me for making her stop talking to them although she says she's surprised I handled it so calmly. She still has the fantasies and desires that don't include me. And says that with where we're at emotionally she can't became intimate with me because her emotions won't allow her body basically. Yet she will masturbate. I know what most men will have to say. But I'm lost. I'm not a quitter. My children deserve happy parents yes but I also can't make a decision I know will take them from me half the time at least. So how do I again be the bigger person and try to fix this.