Days On Meth/ 2-3 points a day, And The Weed Blues - Moderate. Im still going?!

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

Good for you really .... I wish I had something to love and to love me... But never works. Or I get detached after time... I always screw up during mania and fuck up everything... My family knows everything, so now when I'm going from happy, sad, depressed, anxious, angry,etc all in a few days they blame drugs... When drugs keep me fucking sane... I can't be sober.... Not even from Bud.... Everything I feel is extremely intensified.. Sadness to me is a breakdown or suicidal thoughts or using substance and not eating and sleeping for days... Happiness is being extremely irritiated hyper talking a mile a minute feeling euphoric and not sleeping. Anger is rage I start fighting with people cussing breaking shit hitting or cutting myself threatening suicide and fist fights with the family or just going and vanishing for a day or two without telling anyone... No matter what it turns to misery tears and anger to...

Can you talk to your family, or a therapist, or medical professional about this? Do not give up. Recovery and getting off drugs takes time.

 

[Anabasis]

Tell him he's a piece of shit. That'll help! Incredible. 8)

Just at least don't give up, man. People have recovered from worse and you can too. I went without hope for so long that when I finally got one shred of it, I held on to it, amplified it and found another speck of hope. It's turned out better than I ever thought possible. No, I wasn't addicted to meth at 19 but when you recover it'll make the great things you experience profoundly satisfying.

 

[the_ketaman]

Dude you are way too young to decide for sure that your life is fucked and as someone who experiences extreme bouts of depression, anxiety/panic attacks, been an IV meth & heroin/oxy/morphine user for about 7 years(since I was 16-17), using meth orally since 13. Been on methadone, bupe and heroin, one or the other for many years now. Am a pretty heavy benzo user. I am a pretty fuked up person. I know that if things were really that bad youd either just kill yourself or make some effort to improve your life so I think you are either a troll, wanting attention or telling the truth about the scale of your drug use but just being a big sook relating to the depression etc and using it as an excuse.

Using drugs constantly isn't going to do ANYTHING but make things 100x worse and when you stop the meth things wont get better for at least 6 months to a few years. I used meth for a year straight and it took 6 months at least for me to feel any form of normality. I now use 1-3 times every 2 weeks but I take care of myself a lot more and when I feel the negativity creeping in I take a break for a good while. I realised that your not going to feel good about yourself if you haven't done anything worthy of feeling good about. So I have begun a hospitality course and are surrounding myself with positive people. Im 25 and my life was hell for years, being gay didn't help either and I lived on a mix of shame and guilt, and that just damaged me as a person. I got a massive inheritance claim and for about 18 months bout 1g of crystal meth every 3 days, a bottle of 50 2mg Xanax or 100 2mg clonazepam every 3-5 days and at least some heroin daily. Oh, and 1-3.5g of cannabis every 2 days. Then there were the extras, LSD, ketamine, mushrooms, whatever.

Anyway I ran out of money and found it very hard. I learned there are much more important things in life than drugs.