Day 8 in detox from heroin relapse after 2+ years sober

[Kennethjalla83]

I was supposed to make a tread from day 1 to try and help myself but "my god" its been a rough ride. I was thinking ok its just a 5 month long relapse it cant be that bad..... Wrong! It was harder than anticipated but at the same time much easier than 3 years ago when i whent into detox after years of mixed abuse. I came here last monday after som heroin and a beer to start the day. Slowly as the evening came i was feeling more and more desperate and i awoke the next day feeling really shitty, did a COWS test and got 2 mg buprenorphine to start with. Yes i feelt normal again for some hours and got 2 more at the evening, ending up with a taper on 2 days x4mg then 2 days x2mg to help me true acute withdrawal. It really helped but this weekend after the taper was a test, and on Sunday i was ready to pack my bags and head home. Luckily they convinced me to stay 1 day at a time and finally after some days in hell i awake today after a gd night sleep feeling a morning bliss. Jumped out of bed enjoyed some music for the first time in a gd while, ate some breakfast and whent on the treadmill in the gym room and got the best endorphine rush i have felt in years. Finally staring to see a end to the misery, still struggling with getting tiered fast but mood and motivation is good. I have a good plan on my road ahead and further treatment. Crossing my fingers that this time it sticks, cant handle any more rounds in detox and i really miss the sober life i was living. This time i will protect my sobriety as if my life depends on it, and it does

 

[Nurse Ratched]

Good for you and congrats on deciding to get clean again. You're getting through with the physical part here shortly and then the hard work starts. I find that the mental aspect of staying off is so much more difficult. I would take ten physical WD's any day if the mind fuck afterwards would never happen. In other words, once we rid our bodies of the poison it's over. And we are good to go.

Might be different for you but either way, congrats again, and welcome to BL. Hope you stick around and update how things are going for you.

 

[n3ophy7e]

I was supposed to make a tread from day 1 to try and help myself but "my god" its been a rough ride. I was thinking ok its just a 5 month long relapse it cant be that bad..... Wrong! It was harder than anticipated but at the same time much easier than 3 years ago when i whent into detox after years of mixed abuse. I came here last monday after som heroin and a beer to start the day. Slowly as the evening came i was feeling more and more desperate and i awoke the next day feeling really shitty, did a COWS test and got 2 mg buprenorphine to start with. Yes i feelt normal again for some hours and got 2 more at the evening, ending up with a taper on 2 days x4mg then 2 days x2mg to help me true acute withdrawal. It really helped but this weekend after the taper was a test, and on Sunday i was ready to pack my bags and head home. Luckily they convinced me to stay 1 day at a time and finally after some days in hell i awake today after a gd night sleep feeling a morning bliss. Jumped out of bed enjoyed some music for the first time in a gd while, ate some breakfast and whent on the treadmill in the gym room and got the best endorphine rush i have felt in years. Finally staring to see a end to the misery, still struggling with getting tiered fast but mood and motivation is good. I have a good plan on my road ahead and further treatment. Crossing my fingers that this time it sticks, cant handle any more rounds in detox and i really miss the sober life i was living. This time i will protect my sobriety as if my life depends on it, and it does

How are you doing today? I hope you're still clean, and feeling much better

 

[Kennethjalla83]

How are you doing today? I hope you're still clean, and feeling much better

Doing alot better, today was 15 days since my buprenorphine taper ended. I was supposed to be in the detox facility til Monday this week but last Friday i was feeling so good i decided to go home so i could start my everyday training routines. The weekends at the detox center was feeling like just existing in a elderly care center. Iam used to using the gym alot to help me manage depression and difficult days. The day after i came home i was not feeling to well again and i have been struggling with opiat belly, poor sleep quality and my hearth rate is still a bit off, but i have been going to the gym everyday at the mornings. I start with a good run on the mill then a hour and a half with strenght exercises, i have a 3 split program i do twice each week then in the afternoons i have either been out on my road bike or just going for long bus rides while listening to music to make time go by when i feel cravings. The excersicing has been a really valuable tool, it helps me get energy and a good mood to get tru the day and also been helping on sleep as iam exhausted at evenings. Also started going to pre treatment talks with a social worker, I will see him every week for a 1 to 1 talk, then also 1 day each week in a group setting intil after new years when a 12 week treathment program with intense group therapy and education will start. 4 times a week from 0830-1430, its a live at home daytime treatment program.(12 steps) I was in 24/7 treatment for 15 months from October 2018- January 2020 so since i "only" had a 4-5 months relapse and is really motivated to get my sober life back again i decided to try that this time around so that i could be able to get back to my normal life routines aswell. 10% work for the Salvation Army, football x2 each week, hockey x3 each week, the gym 6/7 days a week, my biking passion plus i will start going do drug addicts anonymous meetings. So ultimately iam doing pretty well but still struggling with some PAWS but iam lucky to have so many things around me in life that gives me joy and meaning and trying to make a healthy balance between everything and taking time to just rest at home also. Its definitely not a cakewalk so iam trying to be really careful since iam doing alot different this time around, i was actually expecting everything to be harder than it has been but i think i seeked help early enough to stop before everything became a real hell. (P. S English is not my first language )

 

[n3ophy7e]

Doing alot better, today was 15 days since my buprenorphine taper ended. I was supposed to be in the detox facility til Monday this week but last Friday i was feeling so good i decided to go home so i could start my everyday training routines. The weekends at the detox center was feeling like just existing in a elderly care center. Iam used to using the gym alot to help me manage depression and difficult days. The day after i came home i was not feeling to well again and i have been struggling with opiat belly, poor sleep quality and my hearth rate is still a bit off, but i have been going to the gym everyday at the mornings. I start with a good run on the mill then a hour and a half with strenght exercises, i have a 3 split program i do twice each week then in the afternoons i have either been out on my road bike or just going for long bus rides while listening to music to make time go by and when i feel cravings. The excersicing has been a really valuable tool, it helps me get energy and a good mood to get tru the day and also been helping on sleep as iam exhausted at evenings. Also started going to pre treatment talks with a social worker, will see him every week for a 1 to 1 talk then 1 time in a group setting intil after new years then a 12 week treathment program with intense group therapy and education will start. 4 times a week from 0830-1430, its a live at home daytime treatment program.(12 steps) I was in 24/7 treatment for 15 months from October 2018- January 2020 so since i "only" had a 4-5 months relapse and is really motivated to get my sober life back again i decided to try that this time around so that i could be able to get back to my normal life routines aswell. 10% work for the Salvation Army, football x2 each week, hockey x3 each week, the gym 6/7 days a week, my biking passion plus i will start going do drug addicts anonymous meetings. So ultimately iam doing pretty well but still struggling with some PAWS but iam lucky to have so many things around me in life that gives me joy and meaning and trying to make a healthy balance between everything and taking time to just rest at home also. Its definitely not a cakewalk so iam trying to be really careful since iam doing alot different this time around, i was actually expecting everything to be harder than it has been but i think i seeked help early enough to stop before everything became a real hell. (P. S English is not my first language )

That all sounds excellent, well done!! You sound very motivated and it sounds like you have great tools to get through cravings. Exercise is SO important in recovery. Keep it up (P.S. your English is perfect! )

 

[Kennethjalla83]

That all sounds excellent, well done!! You sound very motivated and it sounds like you have great tools to get through cravings. Exercise is SO important in recovery. Keep it up (P.S. your English is perfect! )

Thank you, i feel like every relapse i have had only gives me new tools and experiences to help me along the way to the total drug free life that iam craving for. Excercise is a God given medicine and the rush of endorphins the body can produce in the recovery stages feels as good as any drug i have tried

 

[n3ophy7e]

Thank you, i feel like every relapse i have had only gives me new tools and experiences to help me along the way to the total drug free life that iam craving for. Excercise is a God given medicine and the rush of endorphins the body can produce in the recovery stages feels as good as any drug i have tried

I feel the same way mate

 

[westbank23]

You just motivated me to get up and go run at the park and get back to exercising..3 weeks clean but still no energy..only exercise I get is from working a 10 hour shifts every day at work..I really feel like if I start exercising like I use to,I will start having more energy and will be able to get some sleep..
Great job

 

[Jen X]

I relapsed a year or so ago with fentadope and i was surprised how bad the WD was. I ended up caving and going back on methadone. It seems every detox gets worse.

Congrats on getting clean, it sure isn't easy. One thing keeping me off dope is the quality. Everything is fentanyl where i live and it's not enjoyable anymore, i was using to not be sick. I didn't like methadone and would rush to get off it and relapse. This time i'm staying on it a bit until i can handle life's crap without running to use.

 

[Kennethjalla83]

Have to admitt that shortly after my last post here i had a weak moment and a relapse happend, but iam ending it before it goes to far. Didnt give me the feeling i was looking for, and only left me with feeling weak and stupid again. I played with alcohol and it ended where it always does, with a relapse. Need to stay totally away from beers from now on. Not gonna give up and cave to the relapse, just gonna continue what i was doing and start weekly drug testing next week

 

[Jen X]

@Kennethjalla83 relapses happen. My last one i felt like an idiot but i'm just trying to not do it again. I keep rushing to get completely clean(no methadone) but i'm obviously not ready so i'm sticking with methadone for the winter.

I heard this years ago and it's true...Don't quit quitting

 

[Kennethjalla83]

@Kennethjalla83 relapses happen. My last one i felt like an idiot but i'm just trying to not do it again. I keep rushing to get completely clean(no methadone) but i'm obviously not ready so i'm sticking with methadone for the winter.

I heard this years ago and it's true...Don't quit quitting

Yeah i try to just see it as a small bump in the road, iam just hoping that a under 72 hour relapse dont give me a huge setback in withdrawals since its only 18 days since i last used, then 15 days since my Bup taper ended. Worrying alot now because of it, bought 1g and used most of it Sunday afternoon and evening, "saved some for the" absolutely" last time next weekend, stupid tought because i couldn't have it hidden in my kitchen without falling for the temptation yesterday and today. Did 0.4 the first day then below 0.1 yesterday, then today i decided to just make it go away since i cant get peace in my mind having it laying in my appartment. Gonna just go out riding my bike this evening then straight back to the gym tomorrow morning. This just 1 last time idea i got in my head i need to just get barried in the ground, and as long as i stay away from the alcohol i know i can trust myself to not relapse anymore. Its always the one thing that throws me off, and i know it to well but still i end up playing with it. Its all this new fruity IPA's in store tempting me to much

 

[Jen X]

Yeah i try to just see it as a small bump in the road, iam just hoping that a under 72 hour relapse dont give me a huge setback in withdrawals since its only 18 days since i last used, then 15 days since my Bup taper ended. Worrying alot now because of it, bought 1g and used most of it Sunday afternoon and evening, "saved some for the" absolutely" last time next weekend, stupid tought because i couldn't have it hidden in my kitchen without falling for the temptation yesterday and today. Did 0.4 the first day then below 0.1 yesterday, then today i decided to just make it go away since i cant get peace in my mind having it laying in my appartment. Gonna just go out riding my bike this evening then straight back to the gym tomorrow morning. This just 1 last time idea i hot in my head i need to just get barried in the ground, and as long as i stay away from the alcohol i know i can trust myself to not relapse anymore. Its always the one thing that throws me off, and i know it to well but still i end up playing with it. Its all this new fruity IPA's in store tempting me to much

Booze is the devil lol. I was quit cig's a year and started a few months ago while drinking. I ended up smoking a couple months before i quit again.

 

[Kennethjalla83]

Booze is the devil lol. I was quit cig's a year and started a few months ago while drinking. I ended up smoking a couple months before i quit again.

Its always that devil messing with things . I will never give up, i have to much to loose and i haven't gone back to the drug scene life after i moved across the country to sober up and start a new life in 2018. Just gotta delete this 2 people i got friends with in rehab back then from my life so i wont have any sources for a hook up. Iam to shy to go around hunting from strangers in the streets so at least i get that going for me

 

[Jen X]

Its always that devil messing with things . I will never give up, i have to much to loose and i haven't gone back to the drug scene life after i moved across the country to sober up and start a new life in 2018. Just gotta delete this 2 people i got friends with in rehab back then from my life so i wont have any sources for a hook up. Iam to shy to go around hunting from strangers in the streets so at least i get that going for me

I burned my dealer for $600 and he was the only connect i had. I moved to the burbs a couple years ago to get away from the drug scene . Even telling him i wanted to quit and not to sell to me he would call me every couple days . I bet he wishes he listened to me lol. I don't feel bad about it much( a lil cause i don't like riping people off) because he's selling a drug that kills people and i asked him many times to not call me. I wouldn't recommend that method because some dealers get violent but it worked well in my case. I'm not the type to ask random strangers either