Day 3 it gets better right?

[Cheerupem0kidx0x]

I know the answer since this is not my first time on this trip just need reassurance. Today is 3 days since my last dose. Some of y'all might remember I had another thread debating tapering/ct/rehab. I ended up trying a sub taper which worked somewhat well til some other issues in life came up and oxy presented itself to me and I spent the last 3-4 days prior to my quit date bingeing. So it's been 3.5 days since any oxy and like a week or so since subs. I pretty much kept myself knocked out the first 2 days with clonidine, promethazine, and klonopin so I don't remember much of it other than waking up with entire restless body syndrome a few times. Didn't eat or drink hardly at all those 2 days so when I woke up today I felt pretty weak. Tried to eat but then the lovely GI symptoms kicked in. All I've had to far today is Imodium as I was trying not to use the other meds too extensively tho I will probably take something to help sleep tonight. Honestly I feel better than I expected but just wallowing in my pity right now. Feel like just getting a long term script to subs would be so much easier. Why suffer when you don't have to? That whole idea. But I know I want to be done entirely. Just scared to function on my own I guess. I have alot of good things lined up to keep me motivated so just have to make it past these next few days! Wish me luck!

 

[Trajal]

You're doing it, rock the fuck on. Stay hydrated, keep vitamins cracking, hold steady.

it really is doable.

gonna sound stupid but I've gone through full WDs waaaay too many times. I'm here to tell the tale, you will be too. trust yourself.

 

[Cheerupem0kidx0x]

Adding to say I have to go back to work Tuesday unless I really want to piss them off and miss another week of work which im not beyond doing if I don't feel ready. Need my job but need this more. I'm really scared to go back to work because I work in a high pressure high stress field and it's a huge trigger for me. Almost considering changing jobs but we can't really afford for that right now as lovely as it sounds and to be honest i tried once doing that and still found my way back to this situation so probably pointless I just need to learn to handle it properly. But how does one do that? How do you learn to cope every day without the crutch that got you thru so much?

 

[Cheerupem0kidx0x]

Thank you ♡ I hope so! Doesn't feel like it yet.

 

[Cheerupem0kidx0x]

Also just remembered I have a butrans patch stashed I honestly forgot to toss when I started my quit day. It's only 10mcg/hr which I think adds up to 0.25mg a day. Is there any point in using it for the next week to ease the wd since it's such a low dose or am I just setting myself back at zero if I do? I have a feeling I know the answer and should just toss it but it's so fucking hard n I did jump off a big dose (big for me...lowest I got down go on subs was about 2mg a day and the oxy was 100-120mg a day).

 

[herbavore]

...I just need to learn to handle it properly. But how does one do that? How do you learn to cope every day without the crutch that got you thru so much?

It's a huge problem for anyone living in modern society but there are tried and true ways out there to deal with it. If you are working in a company culture (like high tech eg) that wants you to pay for your salary in ridiculous hours and never-ending pressure then maybe you do eventually need to look for a change. But it was my two very different sons that taught me something about handling stress. My older son seemed to have been born with the ability to always put things in a larger perspective, to walk away from what he absolutely could not change without seeing it as personal failure and to really embrace the concept of simply doing your best and deriving pleasure from that. My younger son blamed everything on himself (often masking that by blaming others), took every failure as further proof of his own inadequacy, etc. Now these guys may have been born with their natures which makes my older son just lucky. But anyone can work at developing attitudes like his that help to tame stress.

1) Don't take anything personally
2) Do your best and acknowledge to yourself that you did
3) Develop the ability to leave work at work when your day is done
4) Learn about breath and breathing as it relates to relieving stress and practice it often
5) Don't make assumptions about what your boss thinks--ask if you are worried
6) Read up on mindfulness techniques and use them to break up your anxious thought loops

I'm a pretty anxious person by nature--way more like my younger son than my older. I have been trying to change that propensity to stress myself out over the years and the work does pay off. It doesn't all happen at once but unlike medications that wear off or don't work or cause addiction or even just have too may side effects, the mental changes you make through hard work and sometimes frustratingly slow progress are yours to keep forever.

 

[Xorkoth]

Also just remembered I have a butrans patch stashed I honestly forgot to toss when I started my quit day. It's only 10mcg/hr which I think adds up to 0.25mg a day. Is there any point in using it for the next week to ease the wd since it's such a low dose or am I just setting myself back at zero if I do? I have a feeling I know the answer and should just toss it but it's so fucking hard n I did jump off a big dose (big for me...lowest I got down go on subs was about 2mg a day and the oxy was 100-120mg a day).

Don't use the patch, you'll just set yourself back, especially since it's keeping it in your system constantly for 24+ hours. That's just the rationalizations talking. You can do this!

 

[Cheerupem0kidx0x]

Had a weak moment and put the patch on for like 30 mins, then off and on for like 2 hours then finally forced myself to flush it lol. I know it's not gonna help anything. So I don't think I got enough to do any damage. Today has been mentally really hard. Got in a huge fight with husband trying to convince him and myself im one of those who needs to just be on subs forever (which atm i honestly kinda believe). Just hard to believe it'll get better/easier. Physically just have occasional chills and no appetite and no energy. Giving myself the weekend to wallow and then making myself get up and move. This has definitely been my hardest go so far. Hopefully the last.

 

[Trajal]

It gets worse each time in my experience, so yes, make this your last!

You're doing very well. Pat yourself on the back and don't beat yourself up about little bumps in the road along the way.