• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT

Day 1

dhasch16

dhasch16

Greenlighter
Joined
May 17, 2015
Messages
22
Today was my last day high and so begins day 1.

2 nights ago i blacked out on xanax and took my entire stash. Ive been a long time opiate user, weed user, benzo user, and nicotine addict. I just need to be high every day, doesnt matter what. Alcohol, mdma, whatever. Well after this weekend (shit hit the fan hard) im ready to stop. But i know this will be hard and i hope im coming to the right place for support.

Tips for urges? Any advice?
 
What happened when you blacked out that makes you feel like you're ready to stop? I'm just curious. Coming to such a crossroads is a big step dhasch16, I'm proud of you!
 
I went blacked out for about 30 hours. I caused a lot of people a lot of grief and most importantly ive hurt my SO (not physically)
 
While you may have hurt others around you that you care about, it is so important for you to recognize and understand the level of your own pain in order not to go back to the same cycle of self medicating. You need to find support to heal whatever it is that makes you need to be high. What are you running from inside? What do you need to do to go back and undo some of the pain you have internalized over the years since you were a happy little kid?
 
Please don't cold turkey off Xanax! It can be life threatening! Myself and a few others have tried it and failed miserably. It's as horrible as it gets, and I've withdrawn from most things at one point. I remember it made it feel like my teeth were twisting in different directions in their sockets, I don't Satan himself could come up with anything more tortuous. Poor Moreaux on here went through it cold turkey and thankfully survived, but now years later she's still not fully fixed.

All the others you can cold turkey and ride out the pain, but not the xanax. If you take your time and taper it then you don't have to suffer years of recovery.

Kudos on taking the plunge though, wishing you all the luck! :)
 
A full 9 days later... I have not had nicotine in a week. Tossed all my weed stuff in the trash. I did use adderall a lot of the past week however, in small doses. I've been trying to go to the gym daily around 8-9pm because thats the time i usually did my drugs. I'm hoping to swap a bad addiction for a better one. haven't used anything else besides alcohol. Just to clarify, I had a LACK of tolerance to benzos; that was my 4th time with them in a few years. But I took like 3mg and blacked out, ate about 24mg total in a night, so thats how this incident occured. A similar thing happened with etizolam months back as well but I ignored it as a simple mishap, not an internal struggle. I'm feeling okay lately, lots of work to do (Mechanical Engineering Senior, Penn State), so I try to stay busy, especially at night. Thank you all for the kind words and advice. I have a way to go yet, but I think my Polysubstance addiction will be broken. Hopefully for good.
 
Good luck and keep us posted--sounds like you are really motivated right now so try to be aware of the adderall use as well. It can be insidious--especially at university.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top