Stimulants Daily oral Meth usage

[Candyland52]

I have a question at the end of this, and everything written here is summarized at the ### if you don't feel like reading.

I am an ex Meth addict. I kicked it about 4 years ago and had not touched it since last week.

Very briefly the reason why I went out and bought myself a ball was because of multiple suicide attempts, and was on the verge of trying again.

I had been thinking about it (Meth) for a while but my GF an ex addict herself both Meth and Heroin was strongly against it. I do not remember even once being suicidal or depressed when I was on Meth even though I nearly lost my life figuratively and literally multiple times while on it. I never wanted to just lay down and give up.

So with the reasoning behind why I have gone back to it out of the way (I was considering suicide and figured if I was going to be dead soon I may as well try).

It has been about 2 and a half weeks since I bought the 4g and I have taken some measures to ensure I will not abuse it, and it will cause as little damage to me as I can manage.

I bought size "0" capsules and placed 0.05g into the capsules, and filled the the rest with dual extract lions mane from fruiting body. Lion's Mane, if you don't know, is supposed to help with cognitive function and nerve growth. So I am using it in the hopes that it will at least slightly negate the brain damaging effects of meth.

I also did the same, but with 0.025g of meth for extra boosts or lower doses if needed.

I ensure I don't dose at least 5 hours before bed on the 0.025g which I added in after not sleeping the first night. Also if I don't sleep I take a break and suffer the next day exhausted. But better that than not sleep and start "tweeking" which generally happens to me after about 2 days of no sleep + meth intake.

Finally I keep a refillable bottle of water and deoderant with me at all times, as I found I start stinking real quick especially if im sweating and have not been drinking water.

As I said I have been on this regime for about 2 and a half weeks now and I have unfortunately had some negative side effects already.

First off I already have an eating disorder (I think not diagnosed) because I struggle to eat food normally. But with this I have lost quite a bit of weight already, and it was mostly muscle judging from how much weaker I feel. I have almost no fat so the instant I don't eat for a day or 2 my body just starts eating my muscles I think.... i have been trying to forcefeed myself, but everything I eat is just tasteless and dry.

I have started breaking out in zits like crazy and I had to shave the hair under my lower lip because the skin was drying up and getting scabs. It seems to be getting better now that I shaved the hair from that area though.

The first 2 days my sexual drive was absolutely insane. Which slowly fell off after a couple days, to now. Which is absolutely 0 sexual drive. I don't know if this is due to how busy ive been since I started that I don't feel like I have time for sex or what, but thats that.

Positives are the obvious. I am no longer putting things off and I am getting so much done every day. It's insane how much I have achieved in these past 2 weeks especially if you compare it to the last 2 years.

My extreme suicidal depression, which has caused me to be locked up involuntarily, and had me thinking about suicide from the moment I woke up, till I went to bed every night, and was basically crippling me, and making it impossible to "live", basically dissipated overnight. I remember specifically on the second day, I had a moment that would have normally involuntarily caused me to repeatedly tell myself "I just need to die, I just need to die, I just need to kill myself." Instead my mind involuntarily just said "it's ok, everything is going to be ok". It blew my mind.

Finally to summarize and also ask the questions.

###I have begun taking meth pills I made for myself with lionsmane. The reason is stated above.

I have begun breaking out in zits. I can never drink enough water, and I stink. I had some dry skin and scabbing under my bottom lip and had shave away the hair to let it heal. I have 0 sex drive. I am struggling to eat.###

Is there anything I can do to stop or at least negate these negative effects?

Is there anything I should be looking out for with swallowing rather than smoking? (I used to smoke)

If there are any alternatives which people know of. What are they?

Thank you for any time you take to respond to this post. I greatly appreciate it.



Thanks.

 

[LiftedCrystal]

I drink meal replacement shakes to help combat the weight loss. I just buy the Boost high protein ones by the case at Walmart. I also drink lots of Vita Coco coconut water because it has electrolytes in it. Once we get dehydrated our bodies need those to effectively process the water that we drink.

 

[Candyland52]

Just want to add that as a rule I will not take more than 2 doses of 0.025 and no more than one dose of 0.05. I have not had any reason for an emergency siuation but if one arises then no more than 3 0.025 or 1 0.05 and 1 0.025. I am very honest with my GF. I tell her everything and she is happy to help me keep in check. If i break any rules she knows where I keep everything and will throw it out if I go over my limit at any point. I am determined not to let this spiral out of control. I am ready to go through withdrawals again if I see that I am losing control.

 

[Candyland52]

I drink meal replacement shakes to help combat the weight loss. I just buy the Boost high protein ones by the case at Walmart. I also drink lots of Vita Coco coconut water because it has electrolytes in it. Once we get dehydrated our bodies need those to effectively process the water that we drink.

I was thinking maybe I am lacking something in my water. Because I can never seem to drink enough. The meal shakes is genius. Thank you so much.

 

[Keif' Richards]

I think @LiftedCrystal probably has some of the best and also most basic advice you could ask for. You need food and you need nutrients and it's much easier to drink that stuff in a shake. I understand that you're not really taking huge amounts of Methamphetamine here, but it still sounds like you're suffering from some of those tell-tale signs of usage. I'm not really sure what all of that means, but when I hear that you're breaking out and experiencing significant skin issues like the ones mentioned on your face, I suspect you're falling victim to overusage.

Stuff out there right now is incredibly potent. I say this all the time, but Methamphetamine was not ever a part of my drug usage. When I was in Cambodia, I took a lot of those Yaa Baa's, but even those were not the same nor even in the realm of effects produced by some of the Meth I've experienced in the United States. We just didn't have it in New England or at least in Boston. It was used by the gay crowd and everyone knew about that, but it was relatively enclosed within that population.

It's just incredibly potent. I took a lot of Adderall (Amphetamine) in High School and college. Sometimes, I would use quite a bit, say 200mg Amphetamine in a couple of days and I would say that Meth is still in a different realm. I always held a view that the drugs were essentially analogous, but I now have a feeling that Methamphetamine or, whatever it is all over America's streets, is actually "different" in ways beyond potency.

I really hate Meth. I love people who use it like I do everyone, but I hate the drug. I've known a lot of junkies over the years and we always had hope that "shit could get better". I see more and more people now just getting spun to death in such a short period of time it makes me very sad.

 

[Candyland52]

Stuff out there right now is incredibly potent. I say this all the time, but Methamphetamine was not ever a part of my drug usage. When I was in Cambodia, I took a lot of those Yaa Baa's, but even those were not the same nor even in the realm of effects produced by some of the Meth I've experienced in the United States. We just didn't have it in New England or at least

I really hate Meth. I love people who use it like I do everyone, but I hate the drug. I've known a lot of junkies over the years and we always had hope that "shit could get better". I see more and more people now just getting spun to death in such a short period of time it makes me very sad.

I never really tried anything else before meth so I never really thought of it in terms of potency. I tried to make sure that what I was buying was as clean as possible because I knew I was going to be swallowing it. But once again I didn't really think in terms of potency.... something to consider.

As for your views on meth. I also feel the same way. I hate the stuff and have seen so many people get completely spun out on it and just fall apart. I remember specifically, for me at least, it slowly took away my sense of right and wrong. Things I normally wouldn't ever have done were almost like second nature after 6 months, and after a year I was in some fucked up downward spiral where there really was no limit to the fucked up I could do.

This was a choice I made knowing how bad it can be. Hopefully I will be able to notice the signs if I do start to go down that route.

At the end of the day, this was my last option. I had to try something, so far it has helped me massively. If anything, the break from my suicidal depression may help me to get a grip on life again. Then again withdrawals if I try and quit may just throw me right back into it again. At least I can't end up worse than I was before I started, because I was about to try and off myself again. I can't really go lower than dead...

Ill check out what you recommended. Hopefully I can find the info I need there to stay on top of this. Thanks for the reply. I think I was getting too much into a honeymoon phase with it and was forgetting to look at how bad this can get. It is good to remember that while this is helping me there is always the other side of it.

 

[Pickledlemons]

May I suggest dextroamphetamine as a replacement for meth if you are thinking about daily use? It is a much more maintainable drug with similar effects. I personally have never seen routine meth use end well whereas I have with dex-amp. You can also buy it on the dark net for super cheap. you could buy a year supply for the price of a couple fancy dinners out. Its easier to sleep, easier to eat, and your grip on reality is not nearly as challenged as it is with meth. Think about it.

 

[0.o_LaCuNa_o.0]

You're trying out the microdosing route of Meth. That's a noble thing to do interms of your health.

I think your problem with zits would be dramatically improved if you ate properly & hydrated yourself more. As stated above, you can consume protein smoothies for their calories and much needed protein. Also look into buying a Greens Superfoods Supplement, they're cheap and(as the name implies) are packed with loads of nutrient and vitamin dense Superfoods. I honestly couldn't recommend these Greens Supplements enough - they're that friggin good for your health! Lastly if you can't stand the taste of alot of water go for flavored water or juices. You can always dilute the juice if you're worried about the sugar content.

Anyways, report back to us and let us know how things are working out. GoodLuck

 

[Candyland52]

You're trying out the microdosing route of Meth. That's a noble thing to do interms of your health.

I think your problem with zits would be dramatically improved if you ate properly & hydrated yourself more. As stated above, you can consume protein smoothies for their calories and much needed protein. Also look into buying a Greens Superfoods Supplement, they're cheap and(as the name implies) are packed with loads of nutrient and vitamin dense Superfoods. I honestly couldn't recommend these Greens Supplements enough - they're that friggin good for your health! Lastly if you can't stand the taste of alot of water go for flavored water or juices. You can always dilute the juice if you're worried about the sugar content.

Anyways, report back to us and let us know how things are working out. GoodLuck

Thanks for the suggestions ill check out the superfood supplement for sure. I actually have a britta filter so I don't mind the water. But after a while no matter how much I drink it's like my body just stops absorbing it. After seeing the mention from "@LiftedCrystal" about electrolytes. I had a gatorade laying around and drank it. And it was like a full reset and I was actually absorbing water again. Not really a fan of gatorades but at least now I know what i'm lacking in that regard.

I do plan on doing an update after a few more weeks to sort of log how it's going for anyone curious. But it wont be daily usage. I actually been on a break since wednesday, because my sleep schedule was getting completely screwed. Was so tired I could barely finction and my depression crept back in real quick. So not ideal. Anyway I went and got some Zzzquil and melatonin. Hopefully I can get back on schedule, and can resume again. Just a process of eliminating problems. On the plus side I did eat almost non stop. And actually gained some weight.

Anyway thanks again for the response. And goodluck yourself.

 

[albatross]

Sorry I'm not gonna read the whole post. I will say that I was experimenting for a 6 month period with using oral MethAmphetamine daily. At first, doses were about 20-25mg once a day. That increased to 30-50mg once a day due to there coming a time when it literally did nothing more than coffee. Again, after two months that had to be upped to 60-80mg. At that point I said fuck this, and hoped to taper down with Adderall.

I was suprised when I popped 20mg tablets over and over again, reaching 160mg in one day of Adderall IR and having absolutely no pep in my step.

I kept hydrated and well nourished and still began experiencing insomnia, anxiety, depression, and weakness during this 6 month period.

The odds of controlling your usage after a period of time is not good. Could be days, maybe years, but it will go downhill.

 

[Candyland52]

Basically. If my tolerance goes up. I have someone who will very gladly throw out my stash if I overdo it. I have never lied to her before. I wont now. It could still go wrong. I know meth changed my view on good and bad before. It is a matter of time.

I will post back here in a couple weeks to let yall know how it's going.

Thanks for keeping it real.

The more bad shit I read the more I make sure I have fail safes.... could still go wrong. But I have confidence in my ability to stop, or be stopped.

Hope you're doing better now by the way.

Good luck out there.

Also I edited this because for some reason I was thinkin 20g in a pill not 20mg. I was like holy shit dude how are you still alive?

 

[Keif' Richards]

I never really tried anything else before meth so I never really thought of it in terms of potency. I tried to make sure that what I was buying was as clean as possible because I knew I was going to be swallowing it. But once again I didn't really think in terms of potency.... something to consider.

As for your views on meth. I also feel the same way. I hate the stuff and have seen so many people get completely spun out on it and just fall apart. I remember specifically, for me at least, it slowly took away my sense of right and wrong. Things I normally wouldn't ever have done were almost like second nature after 6 months, and after a year I was in some fucked up downward spiral where there really was no limit to the fucked up I could do.

This was a choice I made knowing how bad it can be. Hopefully I will be able to notice the signs if I do start to go down that route.

At the end of the day, this was my last option. I had to try something, so far it has helped me massively. If anything, the break from my suicidal depression may help me to get a grip on life again. Then again withdrawals if I try and quit may just throw me right back into it again. At least I can't end up worse than I was before I started, because I was about to try and off myself again. I can't really go lower than dead...

Ill check out what you recommended. Hopefully I can find the info I need there to stay on top of this. Thanks for the reply. I think I was getting too much into a honeymoon phase with it and was forgetting to look at how bad this can get. It is good to remember that while this is helping me there is always the other side of it.

I respect what you're saying when you imply that your choice to use Methamphetamine was a last resort, but I have to be frank, this is like when you're climbing K2 and your buddy says he's just so fucking cold he's gotta take his clothes off, he just can't handle it anymore. He's just a popsicle in Pakistan now.

Methamphetamine doesn't make anyone better in the long-run. At least not using it off the street. The rise comes with an inevitable fall in which you'll be feeling so much worse than you felt originally it will seem unreal.

I'm not chastising you. You've done a pretty human thing here and chosen immediate relief from major pain without taking full account of what the long-term consequences could be. We all do this, so don't feel bad. I just want you to have a plan for what your next move is going to be. Don't allow yourself to get caught in worse circumstances. If this means checking yourself into an institution, do that. If it means a psychiatrist, do that. We all know that Meth makes normal people feel nearly suicidal when they run out. I don't want you to go that route.

 

[Candyland52]

So.... here I am, I do know I said I would do an update. So here it is. I have honestly been pretty busy. Life is what it is, and unfortunately, there is no such thing as a cure all. I could not do the daily dose, it was basically impossible for me, I have no idea how I used to smoke this shit every day non stop. I would smoke anywhere from 1g to 5g a day, admittedly smoking it is no where near as potent as swallowing it, but I am still amazed that I even survived those crazy years. I got a lot of really good use out of my doses, although I found that the .025, while it didn't make me feel quite as speedy as the .05, it was a complete waste of time. It just sort of made me feel normal, killed my depression, but I got very little done on that dosage. It still had the effect of killing my ability to sleep and eat though, so more negative than positive.

A lot has happened since I started dosing, it is honestly really hard to know where to start.... The first couple of weeks, I pulled my life together, it was great, I consumed information like there was no tomorrow. I learned about the stock market, as much as I could. I then went and back-tested some strategies, and as I was doing that, I noticed specific trend in the market which has been happening for years in Forex, and I developed a strategy to catch that trend. It has been pretty unbelievable how well it works, and I am making pretty good money on the side.

My sex drive came back once I was more comfortable, and less busy, it was honestly sort of hard to control, and I nearly cheated on my girl with an old fuck friend. Very glad that I had some tiny bit of self control left
to stop myself, and tell her not to talk to me anymore, but every time I dose I think about it again, she just has one of those bodies that you just don't see every day. A complete pain in the ass peronality, but just omg body.... So I blocked her and deleted her number later on too. I still sort of want to just drive to her place. But yeah. Sex drive came back.

I never got any protein shakes or anything, I sort of kept putting it off, and then it was too late.

I started really struggling to dose about 2 weeks ago, I would start gagging as soon as I tried to swallow the pill, and I sort of just stopped taking them. My depression has crept back in, it doesn't really feel any worse than before, but then again, I think the only way it could be worse is if I killed myself, and that's pretty much where I was at anyway, but I started thinking about suicide again the past 5 or 6 days, and then I started planning it again, so I decided to dose yesterday, plus I had a tonne of shit I was leaving on the backburner again. It is pretty crazy how much of a difference it makes. The depression puts me in a fog, and I can't see anything going on around me, and things just slowly build up, and get worse, and worse, and I avoid things more, and more. Then I dosed, and it was like the fog was lifted. I could see exactly what I needed to do, I went and pulled my shit together, and got everything back on track again.

So most of that sounds pretty good. The issue is, I now know without a doubt, this is not sustainable. I have huge troubles sleeping without meth, and with the meth, it is just a fucking joke to even pretend like I can sleep. The eating is the same way, I have some wierd fucking body dismorphism or something, and I alway think I am getting fat, and when that happens food replulses me, and I get sick just smelling it, until I feel like I am not "fat" anymore, funny thing is. I know it's not true, somehwere in my head, I know it isn't true, but the feeling is so overwhelming that I cannot fight it. So I am already able to not eat for days at a time without meth, but with it, I accidentally forgot to eat for 3 days 2 weeks ago, like I didn't eat a thing, not even a peanut. Just completely slipped my mind. I have lost probably 1/3 of my muscle mass. It is going to take me months to get back what I lost in weeks.

So to summarize gains and losses. I gained intimate knowledge of the FOREX market, and developed a fucking amazing strategy, which is currently making me money, I spent 2 weeks making spreadsheets, and testing the strategy, and I have pages of data to go back to if I forget anything, so I no longer need to dose for that at least, it was probably the most positive gain I got out of this. What I do want to say though, in case anybody here plans on trying this. I run a small business from home, and I can afford to fuck up my sleeping habits, and make mistakes without risking getting fired. If I was working my old job, where I would often do 24hour shifts, I would have completely dropped the ball. I was so inconsistent with my sleep, I would not have survived a 9-5 without doubling or even tripling my dose just to keep going, anybody who has done Meth before will know that that will only lead to very bad things.

As for the bad. I am ashamed of how much weight I have lost, and that coming from me is pretty fucking huge, considering how many times I have starved myself over an ounce of perceived fat. I have pretty bad issues with my knees, and I am not sure exactly what has made it worse, but I think it is the lack of muscle in my legs, and now my knees are taking way more stress, but they are permanently purple now, just bruising all over. Walking, and even sitting is painful. Could just be a coincidence, they have been getting worse for years, but I don't think so. My sleeping habbits, as mentioned, were completely fucked, when I was using regularly, I took a 10g gutbomb, and was gone for 3 weeks. People thought I was permafried, and would not come back, Luckily I did come back, but I came out of it with some voices in my head which are severely exacerbated by lack of sleep, the less sleep I get the louder the voices get, so not sleeping is really not an option for me. Lastly, now I have a drug, which can take away my depression in minutes, but I cannot use it, because my body and mind simply cannot fucking take the punishment.

My dose is wearing off, and I feel the depression creeping back in, I have no idea how the fuck to deal with it, but I really am not sure how much longer I am gonna be around for. This was a huge drastic attempt at trying a different angle on my suicidal depression, and just typing the fact that it failed is completely fucking with my head right now. I am completely out of ideas.

Anyway, that was the update. I cannot really recommend this, I can say that it is a fucking fantastic tool, and if you can 100% trust yourself to use it as nothing but a tool, it could help, but I would not recommend risking it unless you set up some serious risk management, because even if you 100% trust yourself. This is just one of those things, it slowly twists your mind, and who you were when you started, is not who you will be later, and once it twists your mind, it is very hard to come back from it, because you believe that this was who you were all along. Great tool though. I gained and retained so much information in such a short period of time. I mean, when I was doing it before I wrote a whole functioning language one night, which I even continued to develop after I got sober for multiple years, it was pretty amazing. I have completely forgotten it now, I still have it buried in a couple of notebooks somewhere, but that ability to just focus and do shit really makes meth one hell of a tool, if used the right way. The other things I did while on it though.... I basically just have to tell myself that, that wasn't me. I think if I didn't know other Ex Meth users, I would not have been able to reconcile what I did while high, because I would always think that was me deep down, but it really twists your mind.... Ok, I am going in circles.

That was the update. I have made one last ditch decision to just try and dose whenever I start planning my suicide, but I know my mind, it will figure that one out eventually. I will probably end up taking it one day to feel better and just find a really fucking efficcient way to kill myself instead. Although my method is already pretty solid. I have been really really fucking unlucky with it though, like the odds of failing should be really fucking low, but I keep getting really stupidly unlucky... but that is a whole other story.

Sorry for the all over the place update. I am really tired, the voices in my head are currently being drowned out by a crazy fucking ringing buzzing sound which is filling my whole head. I am out of here

Good luck to all of you. I wish you all the best.

 

[acklac7]

So.... here I am, I do know I said I would do an update. So here it is. I have honestly been pretty busy. Life is what it is, and unfortunately, there is no such thing as a cure all. I could not do the daily dose, it was basically impossible for me, I have no idea how I used to smoke this shit every day non stop. I would smoke anywhere from 1g to 5g a day, admittedly smoking it is no where near as potent as swallowing it, but I am still amazed that I even survived those crazy years. I got a lot of really good use out of my doses, although I found that the .025, while it didn't make me feel quite as speedy as the .05, it was a complete waste of time. It just sort of made me feel normal, killed my depression, but I got very little done on that dosage. It still had the effect of killing my ability to sleep and eat though, so more negative than positive.

A lot has happened since I started dosing, it is honestly really hard to know where to start.... The first couple of weeks, I pulled my life together, it was great, I consumed information like there was no tomorrow. I learned about the stock market, as much as I could. I then went and back-tested some strategies, and as I was doing that, I noticed specific trend in the market which has been happening for years in Forex, and I developed a strategy to catch that trend. It has been pretty unbelievable how well it works, and I am making pretty good money on the side.

My sex drive came back once I was more comfortable, and less busy, it was honestly sort of hard to control, and I nearly cheated on my girl with an old fuck friend. Very glad that I had some tiny bit of self control left
to stop myself, and tell her not to talk to me anymore, but every time I dose I think about it again, she just has one of those bodies that you just don't see every day. A complete pain in the ass peronality, but just omg body.... So I blocked her and deleted her number later on too. I still sort of want to just drive to her place. But yeah. Sex drive came back.

I never got any protein shakes or anything, I sort of kept putting it off, and then it was too late.

I started really struggling to dose about 2 weeks ago, I would start gagging as soon as I tried to swallow the pill, and I sort of just stopped taking them. My depression has crept back in, it doesn't really feel any worse than before, but then again, I think the only way it could be worse is if I killed myself, and that's pretty much where I was at anyway, but I started thinking about suicide again the past 5 or 6 days, and then I started planning it again, so I decided to dose yesterday, plus I had a tonne of shit I was leaving on the backburner again. It is pretty crazy how much of a difference it makes. The depression puts me in a fog, and I can't see anything going on around me, and things just slowly build up, and get worse, and worse, and I avoid things more, and more. Then I dosed, and it was like the fog was lifted. I could see exactly what I needed to do, I went and pulled my shit together, and got everything back on track again.

So most of that sounds pretty good. The issue is, I now know without a doubt, this is not sustainable. I have huge troubles sleeping without meth, and with the meth, it is just a fucking joke to even pretend like I can sleep. The eating is the same way, I have some wierd fucking body dismorphism or something, and I alway think I am getting fat, and when that happens food replulses me, and I get sick just smelling it, until I feel like I am not "fat" anymore, funny thing is. I know it's not true, somehwere in my head, I know it isn't true, but the feeling is so overwhelming that I cannot fight it. So I am already able to not eat for days at a time without meth, but with it, I accidentally forgot to eat for 3 days 2 weeks ago, like I didn't eat a thing, not even a peanut. Just completely slipped my mind. I have lost probably 1/3 of my muscle mass. It is going to take me months to get back what I lost in weeks.

So to summarize gains and losses. I gained intimate knowledge of the FOREX market, and developed a fucking amazing strategy, which is currently making me money, I spent 2 weeks making spreadsheets, and testing the strategy, and I have pages of data to go back to if I forget anything, so I no longer need to dose for that at least, it was probably the most positive gain I got out of this. What I do want to say though, in case anybody here plans on trying this. I run a small business from home, and I can afford to fuck up my sleeping habits, and make mistakes without risking getting fired. If I was working my old job, where I would often do 24hour shifts, I would have completely dropped the ball. I was so inconsistent with my sleep, I would not have survived a 9-5 without doubling or even tripling my dose just to keep going, anybody who has done Meth before will know that that will only lead to very bad things.

As for the bad. I am ashamed of how much weight I have lost, and that coming from me is pretty fucking huge, considering how many times I have starved myself over an ounce of perceived fat. I have pretty bad issues with my knees, and I am not sure exactly what has made it worse, but I think it is the lack of muscle in my legs, and now my knees are taking way more stress, but they are permanently purple now, just bruising all over. Walking, and even sitting is painful. Could just be a coincidence, they have been getting worse for years, but I don't think so. My sleeping habbits, as mentioned, were completely fucked, when I was using regularly, I took a 10g gutbomb, and was gone for 3 weeks. People thought I was permafried, and would not come back, Luckily I did come back, but I came out of it with some voices in my head which are severely exacerbated by lack of sleep, the less sleep I get the louder the voices get, so not sleeping is really not an option for me. Lastly, now I have a drug, which can take away my depression in minutes, but I cannot use it, because my body and mind simply cannot fucking take the punishment.

My dose is wearing off, and I feel the depression creeping back in, I have no idea how the fuck to deal with it, but I really am not sure how much longer I am gonna be around for. This was a huge drastic attempt at trying a different angle on my suicidal depression, and just typing the fact that it failed is completely fucking with my head right now. I am completely out of ideas.

Anyway, that was the update. I cannot really recommend this, I can say that it is a fucking fantastic tool, and if you can 100% trust yourself to use it as nothing but a tool, it could help, but I would not recommend risking it unless you set up some serious risk management, because even if you 100% trust yourself. This is just one of those things, it slowly twists your mind, and who you were when you started, is not who you will be later, and once it twists your mind, it is very hard to come back from it, because you believe that this was who you were all along. Great tool though. I gained and retained so much information in such a short period of time. I mean, when I was doing it before I wrote a whole functioning language one night, which I even continued to develop after I got sober for multiple years, it was pretty amazing. I have completely forgotten it now, I still have it buried in a couple of notebooks somewhere, but that ability to just focus and do shit really makes meth one hell of a tool, if used the right way. The other things I did while on it though.... I basically just have to tell myself that, that wasn't me. I think if I didn't know other Ex Meth users, I would not have been able to reconcile what I did while high, because I would always think that was me deep down, but it really twists your mind.... Ok, I am going in circles.

That was the update. I have made one last ditch decision to just try and dose whenever I start planning my suicide, but I know my mind, it will figure that one out eventually. I will probably end up taking it one day to feel better and just find a really fucking efficcient way to kill myself instead. Although my method is already pretty solid. I have been really really fucking unlucky with it though, like the odds of failing should be really fucking low, but I keep getting really stupidly unlucky... but that is a whole other story.

Sorry for the all over the place update. I am really tired, the voices in my head are currently being drowned out by a crazy fucking ringing buzzing sound which is filling my whole head. I am out of here

Good luck to all of you. I wish you all the best.

Don't end your life

Have you tried taking 500mg of St.Johns Wort along with the Meth as sort of a natural anti-depressant?

I combined 10mg of Citalopram + 500mg of St.Johns Wort + .025-.050mg of Meth everyday and did phenomenal. You have to eat though, you have to eat. You have to exercise, too. Have you tried exercising at all? Do you have any other hobbies? Are you into any Sports?

 

[Jabberwocky]

Don't end your life

Have you tried taking 500mg of St.Johns Wort along with the Meth as sort of a natural anti-depressant?

I combined 10mg of Citalopram + 500mg of St.Johns Wort + .025-.050mg of Meth everyday and did phenomenal. You have to eat though, you have to eat. You have to exercise, too. Have you tried exercising at all? Do you have any other hobbies? Are you into any Sports?

Citalopram and St John's Wort are contraindicated due to increased risk of serotonin syndrome.

In fact St John's Wort is contraindicated with pretty much all SSRI's as far as i know.

 

[acklac7]

Citalopram and St John's Wort are contraindicated due to increased risk of serotonin syndrome.

In fact St John's Wort is contraindicated with pretty much all SSRI's as far as i know.

Yeah, the thought crossed my mind.

Maybe just St.Johns Wort by itself, then? Sounds like OP is in desperate need of an anti-depressant.

 

[lettucepray]

I have a question at the end of this, and everything written here is summarized at the ### if you don't feel like reading.

I am an ex Meth addict. I kicked it about 4 years ago and had not touched it since last week.

Very briefly the reason why I went out and bought myself a ball was because of multiple suicide attempts, and was on the verge of trying again.

I had been thinking about it (Meth) for a while but my GF an ex addict herself both Meth and Heroin was strongly against it. I do not remember even once being suicidal or depressed when I was on Meth even though I nearly lost my life figuratively and literally multiple times while on it. I never wanted to just lay down and give up.

So with the reasoning behind why I have gone back to it out of the way (I was considering suicide and figured if I was going to be dead soon I may as well try).

It has been about 2 and a half weeks since I bought the 4g and I have taken some measures to ensure I will not abuse it, and it will cause as little damage to me as I can manage.

I bought size "0" capsules and placed 0.05g into the capsules, and filled the the rest with dual extract lions mane from fruiting body. Lion's Mane, if you don't know, is supposed to help with cognitive function and nerve growth. So I am using it in the hopes that it will at least slightly negate the brain damaging effects of meth.

I also did the same, but with 0.025g of meth for extra boosts or lower doses if needed.

I ensure I don't dose at least 5 hours before bed on the 0.025g which I added in after not sleeping the first night. Also if I don't sleep I take a break and suffer the next day exhausted. But better that than not sleep and start "tweeking" which generally happens to me after about 2 days of no sleep + meth intake.

Finally I keep a refillable bottle of water and deoderant with me at all times, as I found I start stinking real quick especially if im sweating and have not been drinking water.

As I said I have been on this regime for about 2 and a half weeks now and I have unfortunately had some negative side effects already.

First off I already have an eating disorder (I think not diagnosed) because I struggle to eat food normally. But with this I have lost quite a bit of weight already, and it was mostly muscle judging from how much weaker I feel. I have almost no fat so the instant I don't eat for a day or 2 my body just starts eating my muscles I think.... i have been trying to forcefeed myself, but everything I eat is just tasteless and dry.

I have started breaking out in zits like crazy and I had to shave the hair under my lower lip because the skin was drying up and getting scabs. It seems to be getting better now that I shaved the hair from that area though.

The first 2 days my sexual drive was absolutely insane. Which slowly fell off after a couple days, to now. Which is absolutely 0 sexual drive. I don't know if this is due to how busy ive been since I started that I don't feel like I have time for sex or what, but thats that.

Positives are the obvious. I am no longer putting things off and I am getting so much done every day. It's insane how much I have achieved in these past 2 weeks especially if you compare it to the last 2 years.

My extreme suicidal depression, which has caused me to be locked up involuntarily, and had me thinking about suicide from the moment I woke up, till I went to bed every night, and was basically crippling me, and making it impossible to "live", basically dissipated overnight. I remember specifically on the second day, I had a moment that would have normally involuntarily caused me to repeatedly tell myself "I just need to die, I just need to die, I just need to kill myself." Instead my mind involuntarily just said "it's ok, everything is going to be ok". It blew my mind.

Finally to summarize and also ask the questions.

###I have begun taking meth pills I made for myself with lionsmane. The reason is stated above.

I have begun breaking out in zits. I can never drink enough water, and I stink. I had some dry skin and scabbing under my bottom lip and had shave away the hair to let it heal. I have 0 sex drive. I am struggling to eat.###

Is there anything I can do to stop or at least negate these negative effects?

Is there anything I should be looking out for with swallowing rather than smoking? (I used to smoke)

If there are any alternatives which people know of. What are they?

Thank you for any time you take to respond to this post. I greatly appreciate it.



Thanks.

Wish I could help you with your sex drive
Are you feeling nothing even with other people around you you’re attracted to?

The smell thing I imagine (as mentioned) is related to your nutrient intake and hydration. Mine is pretty bad too, but I do the opposite and overeat. Try forcing yourself to keep up with your hygiene and nutrition! Do shakes and juices if they’ll get you the stuff your body needs. I’d recommend slowing down on your doses too to check your progress.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Hey @Candyland52 - I note that in your first post you identified yourself as an ex-meth addict 4 years clean. One thing about meth seems to be that unexpected and totally unexplainable relapses are part of the deal. I was a daily IV user for a while but got totally clean for 5 years and was having a totally great and productive life when out of no where and for no reason I can remember I picked up again thinking I’d just order a gram online and have a bit of fapfest for old time sake since I was suddenly single again. Anyway that gradually turned into a 2 year on/off bingefest where I used almost every month and frequently went on binges for however long an ounce would last (answer: 30 days). Luckily I learned to smoke and stoped injecting.

When I got clean again I still had occasional slips but I know enough now to limit a slip to a day or two once every couple of months at worst. One way is to not buy my own supply but pay whoever I am smoking with (and who tempted me) just for a point or two out of their bag and leave after I get high with no product and no tools for using it.

The depression post-meth and when you are trying to get past a good solid binge on it is very real but it does not last forever. It’s an error of perspective to use that depression as an excuse to not quit. There are a lot of possible strategies for dealing with it and getting through it. I’d be happy to talk your through some of the things that worked for me if you are interested.

It’s great that you acquired all that technical Trading knowledge and learned to make money while you were hitting the meth - but I notice also that now you are talking about the voices in your head (and the buzzing sound). It’s gonna be damn hard to keep being a success with that trading stuff and other real world goals if they continue. Sames goes for some of obsessive/paranoid thinking that maybe can be detected in your posts (I could be wrong there and I didn’t intend to make a diagnosis or judgement of your mental state from an internet post - maybe just something to think about).

Anyway, as I said, happy to talk anytime if you want advice or support getting off this merry-go-round. If you want to stay on it, there is also solid advice here on how to minimise the damage and risks.

Good luck either way.

 

[Sweet Jane78]

So.... here I am, I do know I said I would do an update. So here it is. I have honestly been pretty busy. Life is what it is, and unfortunately, there is no such thing as a cure all. I could not do the daily dose, it was basically impossible for me, I have no idea how I used to smoke this shit every day non stop. I would smoke anywhere from 1g to 5g a day, admittedly smoking it is no where near as potent as swallowing it, but I am still amazed that I even survived those crazy years. I got a lot of really good use out of my doses, although I found that the .025, while it didn't make me feel quite as speedy as the .05, it was a complete waste of time. It just sort of made me feel normal, killed my depression, but I got very little done on that dosage. It still had the effect of killing my ability to sleep and eat though, so more negative than positive.

A lot has happened since I started dosing, it is honestly really hard to know where to start.... The first couple of weeks, I pulled my life together, it was great, I consumed information like there was no tomorrow. I learned about the stock market, as much as I could. I then went and back-tested some strategies, and as I was doing that, I noticed specific trend in the market which has been happening for years in Forex, and I developed a strategy to catch that trend. It has been pretty unbelievable how well it works, and I am making pretty good money on the side.

My sex drive came back once I was more comfortable, and less busy, it was honestly sort of hard to control, and I nearly cheated on my girl with an old fuck friend. Very glad that I had some tiny bit of self control left
to stop myself, and tell her not to talk to me anymore, but every time I dose I think about it again, she just has one of those bodies that you just don't see every day. A complete pain in the ass peronality, but just omg body.... So I blocked her and deleted her number later on too. I still sort of want to just drive to her place. But yeah. Sex drive came back.

I never got any protein shakes or anything, I sort of kept putting it off, and then it was too late.

I started really struggling to dose about 2 weeks ago, I would start gagging as soon as I tried to swallow the pill, and I sort of just stopped taking them. My depression has crept back in, it doesn't really feel any worse than before, but then again, I think the only way it could be worse is if I killed myself, and that's pretty much where I was at anyway, but I started thinking about suicide again the past 5 or 6 days, and then I started planning it again, so I decided to dose yesterday, plus I had a tonne of shit I was leaving on the backburner again. It is pretty crazy how much of a difference it makes. The depression puts me in a fog, and I can't see anything going on around me, and things just slowly build up, and get worse, and worse, and I avoid things more, and more. Then I dosed, and it was like the fog was lifted. I could see exactly what I needed to do, I went and pulled my shit together, and got everything back on track again.

So most of that sounds pretty good. The issue is, I now know without a doubt, this is not sustainable. I have huge troubles sleeping without meth, and with the meth, it is just a fucking joke to even pretend like I can sleep. The eating is the same way, I have some wierd fucking body dismorphism or something, and I alway think I am getting fat, and when that happens food replulses me, and I get sick just smelling it, until I feel like I am not "fat" anymore, funny thing is. I know it's not true, somehwere in my head, I know it isn't true, but the feeling is so overwhelming that I cannot fight it. So I am already able to not eat for days at a time without meth, but with it, I accidentally forgot to eat for 3 days 2 weeks ago, like I didn't eat a thing, not even a peanut. Just completely slipped my mind. I have lost probably 1/3 of my muscle mass. It is going to take me months to get back what I lost in weeks.

So to summarize gains and losses. I gained intimate knowledge of the FOREX market, and developed a fucking amazing strategy, which is currently making me money, I spent 2 weeks making spreadsheets, and testing the strategy, and I have pages of data to go back to if I forget anything, so I no longer need to dose for that at least, it was probably the most positive gain I got out of this. What I do want to say though, in case anybody here plans on trying this. I run a small business from home, and I can afford to fuck up my sleeping habits, and make mistakes without risking getting fired. If I was working my old job, where I would often do 24hour shifts, I would have completely dropped the ball. I was so inconsistent with my sleep, I would not have survived a 9-5 without doubling or even tripling my dose just to keep going, anybody who has done Meth before will know that that will only lead to very bad things.

As for the bad. I am ashamed of how much weight I have lost, and that coming from me is pretty fucking huge, considering how many times I have starved myself over an ounce of perceived fat. I have pretty bad issues with my knees, and I am not sure exactly what has made it worse, but I think it is the lack of muscle in my legs, and now my knees are taking way more stress, but they are permanently purple now, just bruising all over. Walking, and even sitting is painful. Could just be a coincidence, they have been getting worse for years, but I don't think so. My sleeping habbits, as mentioned, were completely fucked, when I was using regularly, I took a 10g gutbomb, and was gone for 3 weeks. People thought I was permafried, and would not come back, Luckily I did come back, but I came out of it with some voices in my head which are severely exacerbated by lack of sleep, the less sleep I get the louder the voices get, so not sleeping is really not an option for me. Lastly, now I have a drug, which can take away my depression in minutes, but I cannot use it, because my body and mind simply cannot fucking take the punishment.

My dose is wearing off, and I feel the depression creeping back in, I have no idea how the fuck to deal with it, but I really am not sure how much longer I am gonna be around for. This was a huge drastic attempt at trying a different angle on my suicidal depression, and just typing the fact that it failed is completely fucking with my head right now. I am completely out of ideas.

Anyway, that was the update. I cannot really recommend this, I can say that it is a fucking fantastic tool, and if you can 100% trust yourself to use it as nothing but a tool, it could help, but I would not recommend risking it unless you set up some serious risk management, because even if you 100% trust yourself. This is just one of those things, it slowly twists your mind, and who you were when you started, is not who you will be later, and once it twists your mind, it is very hard to come back from it, because you believe that this was who you were all along. Great tool though. I gained and retained so much information in such a short period of time. I mean, when I was doing it before I wrote a whole functioning language one night, which I even continued to develop after I got sober for multiple years, it was pretty amazing. I have completely forgotten it now, I still have it buried in a couple of notebooks somewhere, but that ability to just focus and do shit really makes meth one hell of a tool, if used the right way. The other things I did while on it though.... I basically just have to tell myself that, that wasn't me. I think if I didn't know other Ex Meth users, I would not have been able to reconcile what I did while high, because I would always think that was me deep down, but it really twists your mind.... Ok, I am going in circles.

That was the update. I have made one last ditch decision to just try and dose whenever I start planning my suicide, but I know my mind, it will figure that one out eventually. I will probably end up taking it one day to feel better and just find a really fucking efficcient way to kill myself instead. Although my method is already pretty solid. I have been really really fucking unlucky with it though, like the odds of failing should be really fucking low, but I keep getting really stupidly unlucky... but that is a whole other story.

Sorry for the all over the place update. I am really tired, the voices in my head are currently being drowned out by a crazy fucking ringing buzzing sound which is filling my whole head. I am out of here

Good luck to all of you. I wish you all the best.

I’m so sorry about your struggles with suicidal ideations and the depression. I suffer from depression too and the comedown of meth just exacerbates it.Have you tried finding professional help? I have a psychiatrist and a therapist. The combination of prescribed antidepressants, healthy eating and exercise have helped me tremendously. Regular sleep schedule is huge, too. I wish you the best. Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems. You CAN get better. People in your life love you and are grateful to have you in their lives. You can do this without the meth.

 

[Joey]

I'd say that of all the ways to use crystal meth that this is probably the easiest on your body. That pass through the liver when a drug is taken orally is the cleanest on the body. However, it's really easy to underestimate his much you are taking when you eat it. Me and some friends over the years have gotten completely mashed this way more than once.

Meth in general is extremely bioavailable, with over 90% absorption into the body via every ROA. So, aside from ways which it will give you more if a rush; like IV, or rectal, and even intranasal is pretty quick - eating meth is a fine way to go. I'm kind of in wonder actually why more users don't go this route. It tastes terrible, but that can be covered by parachuting in kleenex or something similar. A juice chaser is good too.

In general, I'm a little concerned about your four years abstinent from meth, after an addiction. That past habit could be a prelude to what's to come in the future if you keep on this path. However, that's a risk-to-benefit analysis for you to navigate as you're (and already are) to test the waters. Meth is extremely tough to beat as a habit psychologically, and physically more than you'll hear from a lot of us here.

I may get some criticism for saying this, but methamphetamine has a physical component to the addiction. One factor of psychological addiction weighing heavier over the other physical components doesn't mean total elimination of physical addiction or withdrawal. It can and will cause demyelination to your brains neurons over periods of recreational to heavy use. That looks like schizophrenia under an MRI brain scan. That's pretty physical to me. There's more body systems then that affected too, but I digress..

Stay safe and regulate this as much as you can. With these hard drugs, less is more. Really. Becoming immune to the experiential effects of the high with increased dosing doesn't mean that your tolerance every other way is equivalent physically to your heart and cardiovascular systems. Your neuronal receptors burning out quicker can spell out the rest of the damage in my mind. The more you do, the more diminishment of the positive and euphoric effects you will have for nothing but more damage, more money spent, and a higher risk of developing a range between dependence and a severe addiction.

Take breaks. Make sure you are eating as healthy as possible, and stay hydrated. The average person sweats 4x more on meth than sober. Shower and practice regular self care as well. Maintain your life outside of this drug too. The best part of stimulants are utilized in other activities rather than chasing more drugs and running around the scene in some wasteland. A lot of people dont get all of this perfectly. I sure as fuck don't. But it's solid advice. Be careful to stay safe.

If you run into any problems or have anything else you want to discuss around this always feel free to keep posting here on Bluelight. This site is a lot of fun to be active on and educational as well. Often times.