Okay, so a bit of venting....
It's been around 350mg DHB over the past four days as I ramp it up to see how I feel.
Last night I come home from work to take a nap before going to the gym (which closed at 9), but I sleep for four hours, waking up at 9, and miss the gym. GF doesn't believe I was sleeping, she starts accusing me of cheating, lying about sleeping and just a bunch of BS, and I just lost it. Ended the relationship over the phone. This sort of thing happens way too often.
Today at work, I really started feeling annoyed by customers. Judging people in my mind. Annoyed at stupid repeat questions. Chalk it up to just being in a bad mood.
My boss leaves at 3 but comes back at 315 and finds me texting at work because GF has been relentlessly trying to fight with me since last night. Boss, who is an older lady in her 50s, is like "so this is what you do when I leave?" I make a joke about her talking on her phone on the clock. She then just has to make a comment along the lines of "well I did hear the other day when I wasn't here that you were texting in the break room a lot. Are the rumors true?" And as soon as she said that, I just was hit by a wave of anger and a mental desire to find whoever said that and pound their skull in. My normal reaction would be something like "oh, if I was, maybe I was on break or it was important or something," but I just stood there silent and seeing red and wanting to break shit. But I took a few breaths and just jokingly said "stop being so mean to me" and it all diffused.
But there definitely is a correlation between how much DHB I have had in recent days and how many moments like this I seem to have. It's not comfortable, but I can pause and get through it without doing something stupid. But for all everyone says about anadrol being a strong steroid with lots of sides and such, anadrol is nothing compared to this. This is a strong hormone for my particular body.
Now I'm missing GF and thinking about her single and fucking other guys and seeing red again, but then I'm thinking about taking her back and going back to her BS mind games day after day and seeing red over that too.