Junkiedream00
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jul 24, 2022
- Messages
- 11
Hi everyone- I have been coming to this site for years and years and this is my first post. I apologize if this is in the wrong section- I am just scared and thought my fellow drug buddies could help.
I have been using drugs on and off since i was 15. i am 33 now. i was addicted to IV heroin and cocaine, have been to way to many long term treatments and have had a good amount of clean time in between. In the last two years I relapsed on heroin and cocaine again and in June of 2021 went back to rehab. While there I got on methadone and am currently on 70mg. I chose to not go any higher thinking that I wouldn’t stay on it long but it’s been over a year now and the fear of getting sick keeps me staying on it. Anyways, I’m February of 2022 I stayed using IV cocaine again. At first it was fine and fun, but then I started having insane panic attacks everytime I would shoot it. My heart felt like it was going to stop, I would start shaking. I was convinced it was a heart attack. Twice I called an ambulance thinking I was dying just for them to get to my apartment and then realized I was fine after they checked my vitals. It was insane. This kept happening over and over again. I would shoot it and my chest would feel crazy, I would get all red, the skin on my chest would be all splotchy red. It felt like my chest was tightening, maybe heart palpations? It also would feel like a rubber band was tied around my upper chest and back. I’m not really sure how to describe it but it was scary as fuck. I could not stop using though despite feeling like I was dying. As soon as I calmed down and I started feeling normal. I’d use again and start feeling the same way.
Fast forward to today, I got so freaked out from the IV coke that I decided to do what any other drug loving coke head would do and started smoking crack. At first again, it was fine. I wasn’t really feeling too many bad side effects and I enjoyed it. I also would only use like once every two or three weeks and then be done. Today, the horrible side effects are back, and have been happening for a month or so now. My chest feels so weird, tight, painful, palpitations. As soon as I take a hit I start pacing around, kind of hyperventilating, my body starts twitching kind of like I can’t sit still. Every single time I take a hit it happens but I can’t fucking stop using. Everytime it’s gone I think of how I need to get more and the cycle continues. I’m scared I’m going to die. I have been doing about a gram a day, and just this past week about two grams a day. I’ve had the same dealer since 2020 when I initially relapsed and used the IV cocaine. He gets different kinds every now and then but I still get this reaction most of the time. Very rarely do I try a new kind of his and I don’t feel this way but it does happen now and then where I feel ok. Today I tried two different kinds and right now my heart feels like it’s squeezing and feels very tight around my whole upper chest. What’s the deal? I mean obviously I know crack is horrible for your heart…but a few years back I could smoke and shoot crack and would never feel this way. At first it was anxiety but now this doesn’t feel like anxiety, it feels like something is going on. Is it what he cuts it with?am I getting old and just can’t handle the stims anymore? Maybe I need to just take a break? I’ve been smoking this for at least a month straight. I know the answer is to just stop using of course. Any thoughts? Please be nice? I know I’m a dumbass, I guess I’m just looking to not feel like I’m alone.
Thanks guys for reading this long ass post and hopefully it makes sense.
I have been using drugs on and off since i was 15. i am 33 now. i was addicted to IV heroin and cocaine, have been to way to many long term treatments and have had a good amount of clean time in between. In the last two years I relapsed on heroin and cocaine again and in June of 2021 went back to rehab. While there I got on methadone and am currently on 70mg. I chose to not go any higher thinking that I wouldn’t stay on it long but it’s been over a year now and the fear of getting sick keeps me staying on it. Anyways, I’m February of 2022 I stayed using IV cocaine again. At first it was fine and fun, but then I started having insane panic attacks everytime I would shoot it. My heart felt like it was going to stop, I would start shaking. I was convinced it was a heart attack. Twice I called an ambulance thinking I was dying just for them to get to my apartment and then realized I was fine after they checked my vitals. It was insane. This kept happening over and over again. I would shoot it and my chest would feel crazy, I would get all red, the skin on my chest would be all splotchy red. It felt like my chest was tightening, maybe heart palpations? It also would feel like a rubber band was tied around my upper chest and back. I’m not really sure how to describe it but it was scary as fuck. I could not stop using though despite feeling like I was dying. As soon as I calmed down and I started feeling normal. I’d use again and start feeling the same way.
Fast forward to today, I got so freaked out from the IV coke that I decided to do what any other drug loving coke head would do and started smoking crack. At first again, it was fine. I wasn’t really feeling too many bad side effects and I enjoyed it. I also would only use like once every two or three weeks and then be done. Today, the horrible side effects are back, and have been happening for a month or so now. My chest feels so weird, tight, painful, palpitations. As soon as I take a hit I start pacing around, kind of hyperventilating, my body starts twitching kind of like I can’t sit still. Every single time I take a hit it happens but I can’t fucking stop using. Everytime it’s gone I think of how I need to get more and the cycle continues. I’m scared I’m going to die. I have been doing about a gram a day, and just this past week about two grams a day. I’ve had the same dealer since 2020 when I initially relapsed and used the IV cocaine. He gets different kinds every now and then but I still get this reaction most of the time. Very rarely do I try a new kind of his and I don’t feel this way but it does happen now and then where I feel ok. Today I tried two different kinds and right now my heart feels like it’s squeezing and feels very tight around my whole upper chest. What’s the deal? I mean obviously I know crack is horrible for your heart…but a few years back I could smoke and shoot crack and would never feel this way. At first it was anxiety but now this doesn’t feel like anxiety, it feels like something is going on. Is it what he cuts it with?am I getting old and just can’t handle the stims anymore? Maybe I need to just take a break? I’ve been smoking this for at least a month straight. I know the answer is to just stop using of course. Any thoughts? Please be nice? I know I’m a dumbass, I guess I’m just looking to not feel like I’m alone.
Thanks guys for reading this long ass post and hopefully it makes sense.