user name1
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 13, 2013
- Messages
- 107
hi friends,
so i've done so much that i'm not proud and so much i'm ashamed of just to get a fix or a rock but what i'm about to do is a new low, yes, even for a scumbag like me..
i have stole and still actively stealing from work, from siblings and strangers. i have scammed people, lied and cheated without the slightest remorse (well at least sometimes) and a lot more in that sense but what i am contemplating now is something i'd never thought i would do and still there's approximately 50% chance that i wouldn't, about 50% of hope that i am not THAT asshole...
i have my mother atm card 4 digit code and i'm fighting the urge to take it and withdraw some money for black&white.
now the chances of doing it smoothly are fairly high as i got better and better at this shit and had a lot of practice but it's not the issue of getting caught, at least not only the issue but the actual deed seem so immoral and so cruel as my mother is on welfare and always with the feeling that she and i are poor and the little that she have must be kept for a rainy day.. t's always a rainy day with me.. always when i ask for money she gives me after a short interrogation, she's generous even without having much. i guess you might say -"well just ask her for some money than" but i just did two days ago and can't ask her for anymore dough for a few days..
update: i just took her atm card from her purse and feeling shitty also i don't think she'll get a notification if and when i'll withdraw. i have a few minutes to put it back before she's going to sleep. i feel so bad. from one angle this bad feeling makes me want to use and from another just feels like this poster junkie who will do any and all to get a fix..
please someone.. anyone, help me! i can't deal and can't figure out what to do.. how did i get so low
thanks,
jona
so i've done so much that i'm not proud and so much i'm ashamed of just to get a fix or a rock but what i'm about to do is a new low, yes, even for a scumbag like me..
i have stole and still actively stealing from work, from siblings and strangers. i have scammed people, lied and cheated without the slightest remorse (well at least sometimes) and a lot more in that sense but what i am contemplating now is something i'd never thought i would do and still there's approximately 50% chance that i wouldn't, about 50% of hope that i am not THAT asshole...
i have my mother atm card 4 digit code and i'm fighting the urge to take it and withdraw some money for black&white.
now the chances of doing it smoothly are fairly high as i got better and better at this shit and had a lot of practice but it's not the issue of getting caught, at least not only the issue but the actual deed seem so immoral and so cruel as my mother is on welfare and always with the feeling that she and i are poor and the little that she have must be kept for a rainy day.. t's always a rainy day with me.. always when i ask for money she gives me after a short interrogation, she's generous even without having much. i guess you might say -"well just ask her for some money than" but i just did two days ago and can't ask her for anymore dough for a few days..
update: i just took her atm card from her purse and feeling shitty also i don't think she'll get a notification if and when i'll withdraw. i have a few minutes to put it back before she's going to sleep. i feel so bad. from one angle this bad feeling makes me want to use and from another just feels like this poster junkie who will do any and all to get a fix..
please someone.. anyone, help me! i can't deal and can't figure out what to do.. how did i get so low
thanks,
jona