confusing women

[Magickduck]

So theres this girl, shes kind of young but not much younger than me. She has this abusive boyfriend, when i first met her i was in a relationship and she seemed to be asking my fiance and I for help. then we got in an open relationship and me and this girl started talking. we went to a commune together and my fiance broke up with me right before we left, her boyfriend told her if she didnt come back he'd committ suicide so she came back. a few weeks later we went to nyc together, then down to florida and spent a week in the keys eating psychedelics and such.

we spent a few weeks togehter and ive developed some pretty intense feelings for her and vice versa, we've talked about dating in the future but are too special to be each others rebound. we are going to travel together and share a birthday and are going to save up some funds to go travel in bali. thing is, she told her boyfriend she was at a feminist retreat (hahaha) and was sneaking around. she told me she was going to break up with him soon.

today she told him about all of this and called me then i went over there and talked to both of them. she had told him the truth but not told him she wants to break up. i told him and she said "i am not ready yet". we were all together. i talked to her alone and she said she still feels the same way but needs some time. i dunno wtf is going on, im a spunion and this is confusing and not fair of her to do to both of us but i understand its hard... she told him we are planning on going to bali together. they still want to be friends and its only been a day but i am just confused why they didnt just break up if he knows were pl anning on travelling together and shit?

 

[Jabberwocky]

lols. Women are and always will be confusing

 

[Sweet Jones]

often with abusive relationships both partners are a bit loopy, you'd be better off just keeping your distance i think

 

[neversickanymore]

lols. Women are and always will be confusing

Sometimes I think this undeniable phenomenon is do to the possibility that they are and always will be confused. Possibly due to some underlying commonality of thinking they want something other than what they want.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Sometimes I think this undeniable phenomenon is do to the possibility that they are and always will be confused. Possibly due to some underlying commonality of thinking they want something other than what they want.

A definite likelihood right there

 

[T. Calderone]

So she told you "I'm not ready yet" meaning she's not ready to break up with him. It's not okay to string both you guys along and you don't know everything she's said to him about you either. You had a fling and made plans but I doubt anything will come of it. She sounds like she doesn't want to hurt either of you, especially if her boyfriend threatened suicide. It's better to move on and find someone more stable.

 

[lalune]

The abuse her boyfriend is doing to her is eating at her psyche. It's quite common. Despite the fact it sounds like she could be with you (but to be honest I doubt it's a high possibility due to her unsureness), getting out of an abusive relationship is quite difficult. You will just have to wait and support her the best way you can, if you would like to be with her and she feels the same. It would be dangerous to get involved with the boyfriend.

Also, threatening suicide/self harm is manipulation. If anyone were to do that to you, just know they are doing simply to control you. So it would be best to ignore a manipulator and break up with them anyway. Problem is, it's dangerous.

 

[Lysis]

lols. Women are and always will be confusing

So are men
Well men in a similar scenario.

It's only been a day,op, so you so gotta take a step back overall. You're free and she is not. I think she needs to shit or get off the pot, so to speak, but I've seen this over and over again with men and women. People get comfortable even if they aren't happy in their current situation. It's easier to stay with the status quo than to take the leap into a new relationship.

The way it turns out is so so dependent on the person. Either way it's not fair to you although you're playing with fire with an engaged girl. Her bf also sounds manipulative and he might just have more control over her than you.

It's a shitty place to be even if her intentions were to leave him. Some people are too afraid to make changes. Sounds like she will be miserable if she stays with him but not much you can do.

 

[lola]

Get her this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656

Then tell her you are not going to be in touch until she decides what she wants. This will damage and hurt you if you're not careful. Beware... this is her problem and shouldn't become yours, otherwise she's essentially passing the abuse on to you. Don't get sucked in until she's ready for a relationship - right now she can't even be honest with herself let along you, and she can't even be a friend because of this.

 

[BlueSaffron]

O/T, but whenever I see this thread title I imagine the OP is enquiring about how to confuse women.

 

[pofacedhoe]

So she told you "I'm not ready yet" meaning she's not ready to break up with him. It's not okay to string both you guys along and you don't know everything she's said to him about you either. You had a fling and made plans but I doubt anything will come of it. She sounds like she doesn't want to hurt either of you, especially if her boyfriend threatened suicide. It's better to move on and find someone more stable.

best answer

So are men
Well men in a similar scenario.

It's only been a day,op, so you so gotta take a step back overall. You're free and she is not. I think she needs to shit or get off the pot, so to speak, but I've seen this over and over again with men and women. People get comfortable even if they aren't happy in their current situation. It's easier to stay with the status quo than to take the leap into a new relationship.

The way it turns out is so so dependent on the person. Either way it's not fair to you although you're playing with fire with an engaged girl. Her bf also sounds manipulative and he might just have more control over her than you.

It's a shitty place to be even if her intentions were to leave him. Some people are too afraid to make changes. Sounds like she will be miserable if she stays with him but not much you can do.

also all of this

it doesn't matter if you are male or female- some people are weak, easy to manipulate, are not harsh and honest and will mess you about. god knows how this will turn out but has this whole situation been a long yearish (or longer) ongoing this cos i remember other threads you made.

i'd believe her words when they finally start to match her behaviour

 

[iLoveYouWithaKnife]

she told her boyfriend she was at a feminist retreat (hahaha) and was sneaking around. she told me she was going to break up with him soon.

Lies. And more lies.

Quit wasting your time on somebody else's girlfriend.

 

[neversickanymore]

Lies. And more lies.Quit wasting your time on somebody else's girlfriend.

hit nail on head.. esp with the lies.. can't trust this one as far a you can throw her when she is bolted to the ground. /thread

 

[ParappaTheRapper]

...

 

[Magickduck]

just wanted to update, I have been dating this girl for quite some time now and we are about to leave for Costa Rica to backpack around for a while in a week

 

[little BIG Pecker]

I think women get off on being confusing & getting attention. That's how they're programmed bud....

Lol, I know man... I already know what you're going to say. You don't even have to say anything


I'm little BIG Pecker 8)

 

[llama112]

just wanted to update, I have been dating this girl for quite some time now and we are about to leave for Costa Rica to backpack around for a while in a week

Yay! I'm happy it's working out for you

I think women get off on being confusing & getting attention. That's how they're programmed bud....

Lol, I know man... I already know what you're going to say. You don't even have to say anything


I'm little BIG Pecker 8)

That is completely false. We "get off" by being confusing? We "get off" by getting attention? How are you getting to this conclusion? Is it just by a couple females you know? I mean, the majority of females I know are NOT like this. There are definitely some people who love attention and whatnot, male and female. But it is not a gender thing. That's an extremely sexist comment and completely false.

 

[little BIG Pecker]

Yay! I'm happy it's working out for you



That is completely false. We "get off" by being confusing? We "get off" by getting attention? How are you getting to this conclusion? Is it just by a couple females you know? I mean, the majority of females I know are NOT like this. There are definitely some people who love attention and whatnot, male and female. But it is not a gender thing. That's an extremely sexist comment and completely false.

I'm sorry. I think I wrote that when I was drunk and I didn't mean it literally about all women. Sorry Sorry

 

[telepathetic]

So theres this girl, shes kind of young but not much younger than me. She has this abusive boyfriend, when i first met her i was in a relationship and she seemed to be asking my fiance and I for help. then we got in an open relationship and me and this girl started talking. we went to a commune together and my fiance broke up with me right before we left, her boyfriend told her if she didnt come back he'd committ suicide so she came back. a few weeks later we went to nyc together, then down to florida and spent a week in the keys eating psychedelics and such.

we spent a few weeks togehter and ive developed some pretty intense feelings for her and vice versa, we've talked about dating in the future but are too special to be each others rebound. we are going to travel together and share a birthday and are going to save up some funds to go travel in bali. thing is, she told her boyfriend she was at a feminist retreat (hahaha) and was sneaking around. she told me she was going to break up with him soon.

today she told him about all of this and called me then i went over there and talked to both of them. she had told him the truth but not told him she wants to break up. i told him and she said "i am not ready yet". we were all together. i talked to her alone and she said she still feels the same way but needs some time. i dunno wtf is going on, im a spunion and this is confusing and not fair of her to do to both of us but i understand its hard... she told him we are planning on going to bali together. they still want to be friends and its only been a day but i am just confused why they didnt just break up if he knows were pl anning on travelling together and shit?

Update she's a total psycho and now everyone believes her I'm the abusive one (I can be, I've got my issues, and don't react to games well). It's funny, everything she said about that ex boyfriend now has been applied to me socially (including being blamed for her sciatica which she had told me he caused, also pegged him as schizophrenic) lso found out she molested a child when she was 14.

 

[VerbalTruist]

Mate, I would like to give you some advice based on experience. Don't insert yourself into that chicks like until she is done with the boyfriend. She still has feelings for him and you'll just get strung along. Getting strung along feels like hell until well after it has ended. You guys were fooling around and had a good time. Then real life came back into the picture and real life can be a bit more difficult than a short amount of fantasy time spent together. Does that make sense?

Give it some serious thought about if you really think she'd be fun for an international trip. I have traveled a lot and can tell you that picking the people you travel with requires a lot of thought and consideration. If, after really putting thought into it you decide that you really Really want to be with her for an extended international trip where you will spend a LOT of time together... Only after a couple of in depth convversations with her about your expectations for the trip. Should you decide you want to go with her. You need to make it clear that until she's actually out of her relationship, you don't feel comfortable spending time with her. If she doesn't save with you and it doesn't work out go by yourself! South East Asia is a good time without a buddy. Thailand and Indonesia are safe and cheap enough that you can probably set enough aside for a nice trip. If she comes, then she comes, but don't bank on the promises of a few weeks of sneaking around. Plan your trip and go with or without her. I would suggest without because there are a lot of great local and foreign chicks who travel and meeting them is a blast, but if you really think it would make it better... Go for it.