Week 21 off the poison, 3 weeks on the testo gel
At least thats 3 half lifes gone, still not close to recovered, but I must still have an eighth in my system going on the 49 day half life theory. It feels that the poison is still affecting me, still not happy in my own company and am spending my days at my parents just lazing about and smoking, going back to my own house each night is depressing, not exercised for a month and the sex drive is showing no sign of returning yet. No interest in doing anything and even having a shower at night is an effort. Just trying to get through each day with as little stress as possible at the moment.
On a plus note its not taking me as long to come to on waking up and the depression isn't as bad and I'm managing to sleep for at least 8 hours each night and not been waking up every couple of hours aswell. Had a couple of nightmares last week which I'm taking as a good sign. Starting to feel a bit bored and bad tempered during the day aswell, perhaps I need a joint or its the testerone starting to work its magic.
On the weight front, I came out of hospital under weight and couldn't even swallow food properly at one stage because they'd drugged me up that much, only eating 2 meals a day at the moment and am not snacking, have noticed recently that I'm getting food cravings and am enjoying my food slightly more.
At this stage I've resigned myself to the fact that its going to be another 14 weeks till I'm close to recovered and I plan on getting more active and cutting down the smoking. Hopefully as the weeks go by the sex drive recovers and I'm able to chill out at my own house watching box sets during the day. Just got to not relapse into all day weed smoking when I recover and I really don't want to start smoking again or am trying to give it up until august, that will be a year off and I will be limiting myself to a couple of joints a night. At the moment I'm on three beers a night which is helping me chill out and feel almost normal. It at least gives me something to look forward to each day besides cigarettes. Not the healthiest lifestyle I know, but its just about getting through the next 14 weeks at the moment.
You've got to try and take the positives out of most things in life, but its hard when you lose nearly a year of your life to this poison, hopefully you come out of it a stronger person and are able to appreciate life more, but its hard not to be bitter towards the idiots who prescribe it and force it on you, especially when you could have been just given the tablet form, its a bit of a scandal to say the least, but where there's money to be made there will be corruption, its the world we live in, anyhow
Tick Tock
((((.... i have stopped it since april i got it twice in my buttom. I hate these doctors that give these medications to people. It ruins lifes.