I feel exactly the same way as you with the lack of motivation to do anything.. How many shots did you recieve and for what reason? I also used to love working out daily..now I find it hard to get out of bed. You said you noticed some improvement over time do you still feel like you are improving on a month by month basis?
Also, do you feel like you have any emotions, and has talking become more difficult for you? Not only do I have no motivation I feel like a emotionless zombie who cant hardly think past the level of a 5th grader.
I received two shots because I was experiencing a manic phase of my Bipolar Type 1. I was having delusional thoughts and visual hallucinations and it got to the point where I decided to seek help. I'm not mad that they gave me an antipsychotic. I think that's probably one of the only drugs that could've pulled me out of my psychosis/mania. But I just wish they had me take pills for a few days instead of giving me this shot. When I asked the nurse if there were any side effects before I received the shot she smiled with a smug look on her face and said "almost none at all." It's just sad that they legitimately are trying to help people but they don't always know what the drugs they're trying to help with actually do.
But to answer your other questions, yes I have definitely noticed a somewhat significant improvement over the last 8 months since my last shot. The first month or two I was drooling when I talked and walking around like an emotionless zombie just as you described.
As far as improving on a monthly basis, I would say it has gotten slightly better each month. Month 1 I couldn't even drive but by month 2 I could drive at least short distances. I had SEVERE anhedonia and borderline suicidality for the first 4-5 months, but by month 6 I started to feel my emotions coming back to a certain extent. When I say to a certain extent, I mean things can make feel feel somewhat happy, like my girlfriend coming to visit for example, but I never feel like it's "genuine happiness" if that makes sense. Because I feel like I've become somewhat cognitively dull. Definitely not as bad at month 8 as it was at month 1 though.
So yes I would say I have noticed SLIGHT improvements every month. However the improvements are usually in terms of doing things I hadn't previously been doing, I.e., driving, working out, having sex, etc... But the cognitive dulling and the struggles with motivation and suicidal thoughts seem to have hit a wall during month 6 and still to this day.
My ADHD meds (adderall) and caffeine don't have nearly the same effects as they used to pre-Invega. The adderall is my gauge for judging how the Invega is effecting me. Because I've been on adhd meds most of my life so I know exactly how adderall used to effect me...I was prescribed 20mg of adderall once a day for 2 years and now my doctor upped my dose to 50mg because the Invega is negating its effects and it still BARELY helps at 50mg/day... I take 50mgs of Adderall daily and drink 1-3 cups of coffee a day and I still have extreme difficulty staying out of bed for an entire day and forcing myself to do thing. And for me, FORCE is the key. Because I can FORCE myself to do certain things like cleaning, working out, etc...but I'm completely miserable doing even the activities I used to enjoy. The one exception for me is martial arts. If I'm practicing moves I feel a little better. So I suppose that's a positive sign.
You mentioned feeling like a 5th grader mentally. I would say I feel "dumbed down," almost to the point of it being equivalent to an intellectual disability, but I don't feel as low as you describe mentally. I still feel relatively intelligent and I can hold intellectual conversations with people sometimes. So talking for me isn't very difficult. But I often forget what point I was trying to make was and a I struggle to make sense out of what the other person is saying, or forget what they said a lot. I just feel this weird dull feeling in the center of my head, more towards the front. Like my mind is blank in that area and nothing changes that dull feeling. It's tough to explain.
But yes, my anhedonia has subsided substantially and I do feel emotions again. But they usually aren't good ones because the fatigue, lethargy and lack of motivation get me really frustrated to the point where I often can't sleep at night and have passive suicidal thoughts. It's strange because I definitely do not want to kill myself...but the thought of being able to end my life if the effects of Invega end up being permanent brings me a little bit of inner peace and helps me sleep. It's like I tell myself that no matter what, I won't have to suffer forever. And then that usually helps curb my anxiety a bit and helps me sleep. It's a sad way to live :/
But to end on a positive note, I'm now on month 8 and I was able to muster up enough energy and motivation to begin to build a small home gym in my basement so I could ease back into lifting and training martial arts again. I still haven't finished it. It's like I'll get the motivation to work on the gym at completely random times...so I end up only working on it for a few hours every couple days. But it's still progress. Even at month 6 I couldn't have imagined taking on the task of building a home gym mostly by myself. So that's definitely a small improvement in the energy and motivation category from month 6 to 8.
hope some of that helps
