A lot of good questions in there, and since I've used "rant" in the title I feel ready to answer them fully ;-) It seems they're divided into 3 broad sections; alcoholism, escapism and codeine/dxm effects. I'll try to answer them in that way. I've chopped your text up to make it fit the categories, I hope the original meaning hasn't been skewed
You must be a very strong-willed individual to have quit drinking so much for so long. You (or SWIM) should be very proud of you effort there. I'm curious as to how you managed during that year and a bit where you were totally sober. Did I read that right? You were entirely clean for over a year? How was it? If you employed coping mechanisms, is there any reason you couldn't try those again? (not judging, just asking.)
High functioning alcoholism is harder to give up because by definition it has a lot fewer impacts on your life. Like most long term high functioning alcoholics my drinking was stable rather than binging, and managed just like work would be. Time is allowed, financial concerns weren't a problem and I never had issues with the law or relationships/work. I'd consume a steady 2 drinks an hour for 8-10 hours a day, live a normal life and still get up and go to work like anybody. Poor nutrition and alcoholism seem to go hand in hand, but I've always cooked and eaten well. I think a lot of the physical effects of alcoholism come from poor nutrition and the effects of sugar on the brain. That's an aside though. I also lead a healthy life and stay in shape, as well as keeping busy. I drink alone mostly, but drinking wouldn't be the main focus; I'd be working on a boat or car while drinking, reading a book or listening to music etc. I haven't owned a TV for 30 years but still have a very fulfilling life. This is one of the big issues with high functioning alcholism; it's easy to give up drinking if drinking is wrecking your life or preventing you from achieving work and relationship goals, impacting your health or leading towards missing out on an enjoyable life.... but if you already have all those things but you just add alcohol, then taking away alcohol is a net loss rather than a gain, and you're likely to grieve for it.
The main impacts of alcoholism for me were no longer being a size 36 jeans (went up to a 38 over 20 years), and the restriction that drinking put on how I use my time. I did a lot of good things while drinking, but would miss out for example on being able to drive due to drinking. I also often wouldnt attend events because I couldn't be served the amount of alcohol I want. In much the same vein, I wouldn't often eat at places where you can't be served alcohol or I would eat earlier if eating there so I could be home in time to drink.
I can't say what motivated me to stop, I guess age is a factor. 40 seemed like a milestone to me, and it seemed like as good a time as any to give up. I've been married twice and no kids and would like to have kids, so becoming more socially acceptable was a factor too. I did date a single mum during my drinking days and gave up drinking completely for the 18 months that we were together. It was pretty easy to give it up and I very much enjoyed the time spent with her son doing dad stuff. When it came time to give up on my own I really had a hard time of it because I couldn't find motivation so eventually checked in to the detox at herbert st st leonards after doing some research. It was a good experience and easier than I thought. I didnt do rehab after my detox. I'm neither proud of having given up nor ashamed of drinking.
Following that I got a personal trainer with the goal of getting back to a size 36. 3 months did it. I fill my time up with more out door stuff these days. I still miss drinking sometimes, but not really. I'm planning to have a beer at christmas with a friend who also gave up drinking at much the same time as I did. Life without alcohol is boring sometimes, but I'm engaged and planning to have kids probably next year or the following which is something I'm very much looking forward to. I didn't need any coping mechanisms during the time that's elapsed since giving up drinking, but I did take antabuse for the first few months to prevent the temptation of drinking. A trigger for me is often the combination of severe physical exhaustion (from work), difficult customers stressing the shit out of me, deals going wrong and equipment breakage/theft. I run a small business and while I don't want to say what my job is, it's extremely hazardous with a high injury/death rate, physically very demanding, highly paid and can be a bit intense. I'm not a highly strung person and have always worked in similar fields and related industries, but when you get the perfect storm it's nice to have a "switch off" which for me is have some beers and relax.
Compared to your previous alcohol addiction, taking 300mg of codeine and 150mg of DXM once a week is not going to be of any particular health concern provided your liver is still functioning normally. That's a pretty hefty amount of DXM, by the way. Is that purely to potentiate the codeine? Do you find it bringing its own effect into the experience?
I've been researching codeine trying to figure what the effects are long term at that dosage, as well as if theres a switchover point in terms of dosage/frequency where addiction becomes more likely. I wouldn't say I have an addictive personality, but I am looking for something that's a relaxant and nice to have in my life. I've had codeine about 15-20 times over a few years, and DXM twice (recently). I'd read different things about DXM, some scary some interesting. I can't see myself being interested in DXM by itself especially second/third plateau type experiences. The things I read about the effects on your brain long term and at high doses put me off, on top of which that type of buzz just isn't my thing. I was mainly trying it to potentiate the codeine.
I tried it initially at 50dxm/200 codeine after reading that you should try about half your normal codeine dose at the 50dxm was a good place to start. I had no noticeable effect form the dxm, and not much of the usual codeine effect so a couple weeks later I tried 150dxm/300 codeine. The effect was very noticeable, heavier (in a good way) and darker hitting. I did notice the (expected) respiratory slow down. The muscle relaxant effect/pain reduction is something I enjoy as a result of my work, and I often like to cook/walk around when on codeine because it seems to have more of a feel than just sitting or doing nothing. I don't drive/work/put myself at physical risk. I did notice from the 150 that i had slight darkening of vision, and felt a very mild nausea which made me have a lie down for about 15 min at the 2 hr mark. I'd had the dxm at hour 0 and the codeine and 30min. I felt nothing from the DXM at 30 min and codeine started kicking in at about 50min and heavy at 1 hr. I got a pretty good/heavy 3 hr ride out of it from the time it kicked in, tapering off at 4 hrs (from 0) and still very pleasant for the remainder of the night with a nice inner smile the next morning. I don't know that I'd make DXM a regular thing, but it did add something to the experience. I had a fairly vivid/graphic nightmare the following evening which may have been unrelated.
The problem with codeine is that you're not likely to be using it just once a week. As mentioned before, you must be a very strong person to have broken free of alcohol so perhaps you would be able to keep the use steady. But there are plenty of people here on Bluelight who will tell you about trying to just use codeine (or heroin, or oxy, etc) just once or twice a week, and how it became more frequent and eventually a full blown dependence.
Perhaps try to avoid thinking of it as a "once a week" thing, and keep it as a "once in every now and then". In my experience, trying to put things into a schedule is a sure sign that you are already in the mindset of inevitable addiction. The fact that you need to have that one "special day per week" suggests that you are craving escape. I don't blame you. I'm just trying to answer your question in a balanced way. Good luck with it, someone who IS you.
That's all good input and just the sort of information I'm looking for. I don't want this to lead on to a bigger habit or other substances and I'm not looking to get experience with other substances. I guess I'm looking for an alcohol replacement, which could be a sign that I'm not done giving up drinking.
Escape is an interesting word to use and I had to give it some thought for a couple of days. It's hard to say which things are escape, and which things are part of life or add to it rather than take us away from it. It's all the harder to say because what could be an escape from life for some is a part of life for others. Even in terms of simple activities, like meditation or long distance running - some people are using these activities as an escape, while for others it adds something to life. It's a good distinction to draw and to think on. It's something that each person has to decide for themselves.
For me, there's definitely some element of escapism in codeine use. I wouldnt say it's a primary motivation, but it's there. My general habit on my "treat day" is to have a day off, have a sleep in, wake up late (9am), skip breakfast, watch some porn and jerk off, go for a ride, come home and have the codeine about 2pm. It's a personal moment and a pleasant experience. My partner gets home about 5:30 and by that time the codeine ride is tapering off. She isn't aware and wouldn't be impressed if she knew. That's a separate issue for discussion. At that time I'm still feeling very warm and fuzzy and we have quite an intimate night which is a lovely thing to look forward to also. The whole package of pain reduction/relaxation, the head buzz, fuzziness, nodding, intimacy and warmth is quite a treat.
I don't want it to get to higher doses/more regular dosing. I'd be happy to reduce it to twice a month but I'm the type of person who likes to have a goal/reward to work towards, and I tend to function that way with most of my life, like achieve a certain amount of work and reward myself with lunch, achieve a financial goal and reward myself with a holiday etc, and if I want to reward myself with something (say buying a new motorbike) then I'll set a goal to reach before I'll allow myself to buy it. Not all of life is fulfilling and glorious, and while we could say that it ought to be the fact remains that much of it is always going to be mundane and hum drum, so having something to look forward to brings a bit of momentum to life.
The 7 day week has an interesting history, and it's the only measure of time we have which has no correlation to anything in nature. Minutes and hours of a day are all connected to the sun, years and months correlate to the movements of the planets and moons... and all of our astrological events are measured and noticed. The 7 day week has no connection to anything in the universe and is purely man made concept yet strangely pretty much every culture in the world came up with it independantly of each other. Attempts by the french and russians to do away with the 7 day week were catastrophic. I can only think that psychologically we all need to have a discreet unit of time which is longer than a few days but less than a month so we have something to look forward to. For some it's a few beers on the weekend or going shopping, for others recreational substance use.
