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Cheating loopholes

mindseye888

mindseye888

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 1, 2013
Messages
251
Are there any loopholes in a marriage when it comes to cheating?
I know it really comes down to each individual and what they are comfortable letting their partner do.

But I'm going to throw it out there, if this topic gets enough posts maybe a pole might work.

Do you think watching someone masterbate would be cheating?

I don't think it is.
 
mindseye888 said:
I don't think it is.
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it doesn't matter what you think. it matters what your partner thinks.

it seems crazy, as you're married, that you wouldn't have talked about this kind of thing with your partner and already know the answer...

alasdair
 
Thanks guys. Its a big no from these two posts. You just saved me having a really bad conversation with my wife. From now on I will treat anything sexual with another person as cheating. I really love her and am not going to cheat.
 
Cheating implies going behind your partners back and doing something you assume she will think is betrayal.

No form of betrayal is a loophole.

A loophole is a way of being in a marriage yet having some kind of sexual encounter elsewhere and being abke to justify it.

The best way to do that yet maintain a marriage to someone you love is by both having solid agreement on whatever that loophole is.


Going together to a fetish club or strippers or a brothel is not cheating but a loophole out of monogamy.

Yeah being with one person is easily taken for granted and sex can become mundane. Its just normal. But its fixable. Inspiration from porn or swinging can help bring couples together in a weird way if both are there together to spice things up.
 
My wife has a neurological problem and lost her sex drive, she tells me to go visit a brothel but I'm paranoid about catch a disease.
Again, I don't want to cheat and I don't want to talk about this stuff to her because I don't want to give her more trouble.
Creating this thread was a good idea, just gonna go buy some porn and sex toys I think.

Thanks heaps people's, I love blue light.
 
Wait hold up she tells you to visit a brothel and yet you are then asking us for loopholes? Has she not given you the OK to be with other women sexually then? Is that not what that means?
 
Somebody asked this recently in New Member Introductions -

If your partner is ok with you doing xyz then it is not cheating. It may be unusual for other people but if it works for you both then that's all that matters.

If your wife has medical problems and has told you that it is ok for you to visit a brothel,have a prostitute and your comfortable with the idea then go for it. If all you want is to watch them masturbate then that's all you have to do with them.

If you just want to watch somebody masturbate then join some of the web cam based dating sites or adult chat sites - most are free, you can't catch anything and it's a bit more personal than porn.
 
Bearlove said:
Somebody asked this recently in New Member Introductions -

If your partner is ok with you doing xyz then it is not cheating. It may be unusual for other people but if it works for you both then that's all that matters.

If your wife has medical problems and has told you that it is ok for you to visit a brothel,have a prostitute and your comfortable with the idea then go for it. If all you want is to watch them masturbate then that's all you have to do with them.

If you just want to watch somebody masturbate then join some of the web cam based dating sites or adult chat sites - most are free, you can't catch anything and it's a bit more personal than porn.
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I was fine with my boyfriend watching porn. Until I saw the porn he was watching. It bothered me that in anyway he would choose to watch them over being with me. It hurt immensely. We are not to together anymore because through stressful events he usually leaves me. He is currently out of my life and I don't plan on taking him back . anyhow I will make clear to anyone I date or see that part of me comes with leaving all that behind. I want to be his only
 
Littlelostone said:
I was fine with my boyfriend watching porn. Until I saw the porn he was watching. It bothered me that in anyway he would choose to watch them over being with me. It hurt immensely. We are not to together anymore because through stressful events he usually leaves me. He is currently out of my life and I don't plan on taking him back . anyhow I will make clear to anyone I date or see that part of me comes with leaving all that behind. I want to be his only
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Yeah that sucks, I really feel for you.

I really love my wife and she says she loves me but I just feel so alone. She just sits around playing on her phone. I do all the cooking and cleaning, we work together and she doesn't pull her weight there either. I'm just a bit confused and emotional right now. Again thanks to everyone that posted, at least I'm getting a bit of attention, even though I don't know any of you people.
 
It sounds like she's depressed, mindseye888. That doesn't sound like a functional and sustainable relationship to me no matter the situation.
 
Yeah, she hasn't been the same since she got sick. I'm in good with her parents and both of mine have passed away, I don't want to get a divorce because we run a business together and we do have fun when she isn't in one of her moods.

I will just suck it up and make the best of things I guess. She goes back to her parents place a couple times a week to walk the dogs. I guess I will just do what i always do and wait until then to satisfy my sexual urges. At least I won't catch a disease from using a prostitute and save some dollars as well.
 
Why don't you have a discussion and share what you're feeling in regards to the whole situation and that you're willing to do whatever you can to help her get back to feeling the way she did before? A marriage is a two way street and needs communication. It sounds like you've resigned to not being a partnership, that's the biggest issue.
 
psy997 said:
It sounds like you've resigned to not being a partnership, that's the biggest issue.
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this


what does she have that means she cannot do anything? if you are cleaning and doing everything and at the business the same its not a sustainable behaviour.

you are a human too and you have needs. it sounds like you are a carer and you are running the business without much help. thats too much
 
22:43
We have been talking about our issue's. And making compromises. Apart from the bedroom stuff we really do well together, I feel that she could pull her weight a bit more still. I feel silly for making this thread now because 1. I'm not going to cheat. 2. I feel like a US tv sitcom male complaining about back of sex.

I don't want to mention her problem because there is little info on it and its rare so if she Google searches the title this thread will probably show up and I don't want to give the poor girl more trouble.

I love bluelight. Its good to just get another perspective on things from all you people's. You guys have given me the courage to talk things out that I'm a little confused/embarrassed about with my wife.
Probably getting off topic now too.

Thanks for the input.
Multi-Quote This Message
 
psy997 said:
It sounds like she's depressed, mindseye888. That doesn't sound like a functional and sustainable relationship to me no matter the situation.
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I'd be interested to know if you would think this, if say, his wife had a visible debilitating illness, maybe MS or something as serious as that which would mean a physical relationship would have to be forgone. It's only that I'm interested in the way people perceive mental vs physical illness. There's no right or wrong answer.

mindseye888 said:
My wife has a neurological problem and lost her sex drive, she tells me to go visit a brothel but I'm paranoid about catch a disease.
Again, I don't want to cheat and I don't want to talk about this stuff to her because I don't want to give her more trouble.
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You clearly love your wife dearly. Even though she's given you the "green light" to visit a brothel, it's not as straight forward for you as that. I think you know that whilst she's said go and do that, you understand what she would really feel about it deep down and long term. If the last thing you want to do is hurt your wife, look at it from this perspective. Marriage is tough, especially the sanctity of it. That said, you do need a release. I don't think you should feel at all guilty for using porn, like you suggested.
 
oh_yeah said:
I'd be interested to know if you would think this, if say, his wife had a visible debilitating illness, maybe MS or something as serious as that which would mean a physical relationship would have to be forgone. It's only that I'm interested in the way people perceive mental vs physical illness. There's no right or wrong answer.
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The conclusion of depression includes the lack of sex drive, yes, but moreso her seemingly not doing anything to help around the house nor in the relationship. (putting it bluntly and thus not 100% true I'm sure OP, but just for discussions sake)
 
psy997 said:
The conclusion of depression includes the lack of sex drive, yes, but moreso her seemingly not doing anything to help around the house nor in the relationship. (putting it bluntly and thus not 100% true I'm sure OP, but just for discussions sake)
Click to expand...

I can understand your view. There are lots of symptoms of depression. One of the main ones is not being able to engage in any physical activity, from being able to get out of bed, to personal hygiene, to leaving the home, to doing anything physically or mentally taxing. Depression can be so, so painful it can seriously impact day to day life.

I think it's natural that because depression isn't seen, it might be difficult to get many aspects of it. Not that I'm saying you do or don't.

I know this aspect of discussion may seem slightly off topic, but I think that it relates to the OP in that people marry in sickness and in health. The very nature of this commitment can make relationships dysfunctional in many ways. Again, not that I'm saying you are or are not saying this.
 
It depends on the relationship. Just think about it. Will it hurt your partner? yes/no If yes, then it is. If no, then go ahead. If you aren't sure, ask him/her.
I am perfectly fine if my partner watches porn. I am not okay if he texts a female sexually/romantically. And then the obvious ones of course but still. Every relationship is different. Just ask your partner.
 
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