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Cant get over love interest's hookup

M

Maximum

Greenlighter
Joined
Jun 24, 2015
Messages
22
Hey all,

Got an interesting and weird situation that I both just need to get off my chest and also to get some opinions on.

I have a love interest, we are both extremely in love with each other but I am yet to enter a relationship with her as we live interstate from each other and I will only ask her face to face.

I have a slightly weird personality when it comes to love interests - I am the sort that can be a little messed up when thinking about the whole casual sex thing. I cant have sex with a person without a genuine connection and I have been playing with a close friend of mine here casually knowing it wont lead anywhere. That being said if I know my actual love interest is playing around I get very jealous.

Now the crux of issue is that I found out when we were having a good long talk last night that 3 months ago at a big convention, a guy that we both knew decided to make a move on her and when she was absolutely off her face and I wasnt there, they ended up having sex. She didnt really have any feelings for him and it was all casual but she was angry about it next morning because she normally wouldnt have done anything but was very drunk. The problem was that he was dead sober. If it was any other guy, I wouldnt mind as much but he is a user and the thought that he took advantage of her makes me both pissed off and want to fuck him up and leave him with a few broken facial bones and its also a sticking point when I think of asking this girl to be mine because the thought of them having been together makes me shudder.

At the time, ill also be clear, it was before we both said we loved each other and were talking about being together and I know that and she said she is trying to forget that it happened because it was a drunken mistake. She said being with anyone else sexually or even romantically makes her feel bad and sick like its wrong because she only wants me and I trust her when she says that. I feel like she could be my one because we are so perfect. I am just trying to get over this guy having been with her and its sticking. What the hell can I do? Am I wrong for thinking this way? I'm a bit heartbroken even though I have no right to be. :/
 
Unless you're both virgins - which you're not - there's always going to be past sexual partners. That's just something you have to accept, there's no way around it. Personally, that's not a deal breaker for me.

She got drunk and made a mistake. Shit happens. If you trust her when she says that going forward she only wants to be with you, then you have to take that for what it is and go with it. Holding on to anger over someone else's sex life is really a waste of time.
 
Thanks for the insight queenbee. Dont get me wrong I am not angry and I know there have been past sexual partners for both of us. As I said, I wouldnt care if it was anyone else I just feel bad about this one user having had his way.
 
Does she feel the same way? Does she feel taken advantage of, or just chalks it up as a drunk mistake?
 
A bit of both. She knows she was really messed up and she got angry at him and yelled at him the next day for taking advantage because he was stone cold sober and knew she was gone.
 
Clitnhawk said:
Unless he Cosbyed her... it was her choice to get that dunk.]
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If this is supposed to imply that the other guy did nothing wrong I think you are way off.

It is one thing if both parties were intoxicated. However, for a dude who is stone cold sober to have sex with a wasted chick is clearly unethical and taking advantage, I would call that predatory sexual behaviour.
 
@Drug_Mentor : I didn't say that. What Cosby has done is horrible... its also a very non-consenting fetish as he has access to all kinds of women. Money, fame, power = pussy. I am betting there are hundreds of more victims out there. :(
Guy being sober while the woman is blacked-out - by her own drinking, is not up the level of Cosby. Some people do stupid shit... and him, as a sober person should have done better.

Since she wouldn't have had sex with him sober (before or after) then yes, its not-consenting. But you couldn't file charges against him either. Stay away and warn others in your circle is the best you can do.

But its still possible he drugged her, or simply just kept buying her more drinks too. Its wimpy shit, IMHO. I don't mind sharing my intoxication - but yeah, I'd like my women to enjoy and REMEMBER the fun.
 
Clitnhawk said:
@Drug_Mentor : I didn't say that. What Cosby has done is horrible... its also a very non-consenting fetish as he has access to all kinds of women. Money, fame, power = pussy. I am betting there are hundreds of more victims out there. :(
Guy being sober while the woman is blacked-out - by her own drinking, is not up the level of Cosby. Some people do stupid shit... and him, as a sober person should have done better.

Since she wouldn't have had sex with him sober (before or after) then yes, its not-consenting. But you couldn't file charges against him either. Stay away and warn others in your circle is the best you can do.

But its still possible he drugged her, or simply just kept buying her more drinks too. Its wimpy shit, IMHO. I don't mind sharing my intoxication - but yeah, I'd like my women to enjoy and REMEMBER the fun.
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You were clearly condemning Cosby, I never thought you weren't. My point was that you distinguished this guy as being different to Cosby, and didn't otherwise make any disparaging remarks about his behaviour.

Clitnhawk said:
Unless he Cosbyed her... it was her choice to get that dunk. Hey, drinking leads to a lot of sex anyway. A lot of people are users... don't hang around him. Move on.
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I read this quote and pretty much interpreted it as you saying that even though what this guy did was slightly on the nose, it wasn't really that bad and it was more or less just as much her fault as his. I see things differently. If I have misunderstood your view on this then I apologise, but even from your subsequent post, I pick up a tone that what the guy did was more "stupid" than it was morally/ethically wrong.
 
Considering the amount of campus rape in this country, the prick here is minor. Being drunk turns off parts of your brain... hence, we tend to do stupid things when we are drunk. Twice I've been drunk and had women make out with me that I did not / would not when sober.
To give you an idea of time distortion and skewered reality, I was enjoying my drunk laying on the floor listening to music. I felt the woman on top of me, start making out with me - I never open my eyes but I kiss for a bit and quickly know its not my GF and I stop. My GF and I are new to open relationship type of thing, but still - I wasn't cool with this and knew my GF would be mad. I told this woman "Get off of me. You'll piss off my GF, we're not doing this". She says something like "sorry, okay" and I continue to mellow out in which I see my GF and I blow her a kiss. Later, when sober I told my GF what happened and she is pissed. First, I thought the make-out time was a few seconds, followed by 15 or so seconds of us talking about her moving on and off me. But my GF said "you were kissing her back for several minutes, enough for almost two songs, before you stopped and talked to her". WOW! I was honestly not happy about this drunk woman kissing me, but my reality wasn't real. We don't hang around that woman anymore.

This story is nothing compared to Max's casual-girlfriend... which involved intercourse between a sober and an intoxicated woman. But the point is that when intoxicated - inhibitions are lowered and things are not remembered correctly. I choose to drink that night. BUT even when drunk, that would not be an excuse to commit rape.

Cosby has got to be the worst, since he's never ever drunk and had his rape-kit ready 24/7 for about 40 years.... yuk.
 
drug_mentor said:
for a dude who is stone cold sober to have sex with a wasted chick is clearly unethical and taking advantage, I would call that predatory sexual behaviour.
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this


but why is she hanging around with this sort of man?
 
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