Can't deal with long term MDMA Effects :(

[tgill6793]

Basically in October 2013 I broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years and was an absolute wreck. I began abusing Xanax for a few weeks and then started going out and doing MDMA/Ecstacy. I found that MDMA/Ecstacy allowed me to go out and have fun on some level which was positive.

Prior to 2014 I had done MDMA/Ecstacy 4 times. 2014 brought the start of a new year and an incredibly intense phase of going out and getting on it. I think in January 2014 I did one Ecstacy pill and 500mg of MDMA (separate occasions).
February began the start of a 5 month binge on Ecstacy. I began using it at least once per week (2-10) pills from February until the end of April. At the of April I took a 4 week break and then went on a holiday and did 300mg of MDMA on May 16^th.

I developed a massive tolerance to MDMA over this period and the comedowns got substantially easier so I was (on rare occasions) going out 2-3 times a week and doing pills/MDMA.

A week later on May 23^rd I went out and did 5 pills. At the end of the night at around 7am I started coming down and feeling intense pain in the back of my head/neck. I had a terrible comedown the next day and took another 4 week break off MDMA/Ecstacy. Over the course of the 4 weeks I noticed greater neck/back pain which eventually subsided.

Then on June 24^th after the end of university exams, I went out and had a huge night eating 7 pills. I had a truly horrendous comedown again and ended up in hospital thinking I was dying. After this I went out on the Saturday and stupidly ate another pill (around 120mg) and suffered the worst comedown I have ever had. I literally started losing it, went out for drinks and felt like I was losing the plot, started experiencing some brain zaps etc. These only went on for a couple of days and then faded.

I went out last weekend (July 12^th ) and got way too fucked up and ended up consuming about 300mg of MDMA. This has lead to now, where I feel I have literally destroyed myself and feel nothing but impending doom.

I was always worried I would lose my mind and become a schizophrenic and start hearing voices but that hasn’t happened (yet). What I have been left with is immense worry about what damage I have done to my body physically and my brain as well. I am quite intelligent and have behaved recklessly but am currently at a point where I want nothing to do with that nightclub/MDMA scene anymore.

I am currently experiencing some panic attacks and often tightness in my chest but also back/upper neck and head pain and occasionally brain zaps.

I am having an x ray conducted tomorrow and plan on getting an MRI done because I feel like I have destroyed my brain and I will end up dying because of my actions.

I am taking fish oil and multi vitamins and trying to exercise more, I take diazepam as needed and my doctor has prescribed an SSRI. I am hoping that I can get through this without taking the SSRI but it has literally gotten to the point of taking control of my life back.

I have always had a history of anxiety but have grown up to manage it reasonably well. It’s just having these physical symptoms which is making me lose my mind.

Any advice/feedback would be greatly appreciated.

 

[futura2012]

This has all the hallmarks of a drug induced anxiety cycle nothing more.

Awful as it is ive been there myself trust me ANALYSIS and COMPARISONS must be avoided at all cost. This is effectively the fuel of the fire..

for example:

How long did this last for you? did you see snowy visuals in the corners of your eyes? Did you get tinnitus in quiet rooms? how bad was your concentration? etc etc.

The symptoms ARE FUCKING AWFUL make no bones about that but..

they are always 100% anxiety fueled.

it is not Damage to the brain, it is not permanent, it is not inherited or anything with you that is at fault.

For what ever reason you have triggered an anxiety episode, sometimes this can be caused by an imbalance of neurotransmitters, sometimes from extreme emotions just many factors if you introduce mind altering chemicals into the mix this can often create these extreme conditions that brain for a while cannot cope with..

For a moment remove yourself from these drug induced issues. I have an interest in the Vietnam War. Recently I went to Vietnam and witnessed the extreme humidity, hostile jungle climate, nasty insects. Add to the mix of this my best friend having his stomach torn open by a bamboo trap or a bullet grenade blowing my sergeants foot off or finding one of our company soldiers tied to a stake with a knife through his head.

Then imagine coming home. Back to Walgreens or Wallmart now is it unreasonable to suggest that these troops may have suffered hallucinations, voices, darkened thoughts, depression etc etc. Now yes there may have been drugs used by some in vietnam but also it is VERY POSSIBLE to get these symptoms without drugs but just simply extreme conditions.

The brain is a very powerful thing. Remember it controls everything. if you do something or something happens to you that is out of your normal comfort zone of routine life then serious symptoms can follow.

Do not assume because I feel this way I am permanently fucked as you are not.

The key is you just need to recover. You just need to accept and you just need to make the best of the AWFUL time ahead you are faced with.

How long will this last? The best answer i can give that is 100% accurate is the moment you stop asking questions of this nature then the faster this time will come.

I speak with 100% the truth having suffered from x2 LTCs myself I am not some arrogant dick knowing nothing about this topic but its really vital we as recovered ones do not fuel anxiety based questions that have no real and factual answer..

good luck mate its important you dont think my post undermines you in anyway as I know how awful this is..

take care, be strong and remain positive at all times. THIS WILL PASS VERY SOON HISTORY..

 

[Dawglaw]

Futura is correct. I also went through the same thing you did. I am 100% fine now. Do not let your feelings worsen themselves. Just take some time to breathe and do your absolute best to carry on.

There are plenty of people on this forum that are going through the same thing you are dealing with. However, what you are experiencing is similar to PTSD. In these types of situations, hypochondria can make things exponentially worse - It sure did for me. What you are going through might feel like brain damage or other serious physical damage , it is not.

Just chill and live life and you will be fine.

 

[sailor bugg]

I don't think an x-ray is gonna help find any problems with you nor will the mri, what you have is probably just anxiety associated with xanax use/tolerance and MDMA over usage. Really how bad was your break up with your gf that you've been on a downward spiral for the better half of a year? Maybe you should address that issue? I make sure to stay good friends with my ex's because breaking up on bad terms is never a good time especially if it's a long term relationship. I dunno just try to lay off the M and xanax ands deal with the root issue.

 

[tgill6793]

Thanks for the replies guys, much appreciated.
The breakup itself was truly horrific and I almost lost my life over it, but actually now my ex and I are best friends.
I just feel as though I got caught up in that scene and really need to take a break for a long time and seek greener pastures.

Have a lovely day and thanks again

 

[Dawglaw]

Powerful drugs that effect the neuro chemicals responsible for regulating emotions can be a catalyst for emotional trauma such as a terrible loss or break up.

With all psychoactive drugs, it's advisable to only take them when you are in a good space mentally and emotionally.

 

[Vikingdancer]

Omg mate! I know how you feeling. Our stories have so much similarities even with the break-up lol. My advice if you really want to feel better ASAP: Stop using HARDdrugs! But also stop using ALCOHOL AND SMOKING. Wake up every day 7 o' clock or earlier and go to bed when you are getting tired. (No gaming, tv or other big brainactivities after nine) If needed get professional help, maybe some meds will do you good. Ahyea EXERCISE and eat HEALTHY. It works and you eventually get better.

Greetz.