Cannabis changed me ? or harsh life experiences ? am i normal now ?

[Thelonleyone]

I was pretty much smoking 10 years heavily to wich alot of that was alone and the last maybe 2 - 3 years have been stoned every waking minute ....

MY STORY----

first off , i feel ive had a very unfair social life starting from about 18 yrs old, i had fallen out with my school friends because some were sleeping with my girlfriend, they were a big group , they all knew, but no one told me, so i left them all behind and became abit of a recluse from then on, then i started smoking the weed heavily..........
i still tried to go out and have fun ALONE on the weekends on the town, ive always known alot of people so i would come accross somone to hang with, but never had immediate friends to ring..
while in town wich was the place i would sometimes come accross my old group of friends i would kinda be demonised and rumors based on lies started going around about me from my ex and ex best friend who is now having kids with my ex and generally the whole crew actually, people i didnt know, (who they did) would come up to me and ask if my name was so n so and when i replied yeh they would just call me something that they had heard and this still goes on today, but ive learnt to egnore it over alot of years

2 years passed and i had latched onto a new group of friends ((but still smoking))
in this new group of friends there were definatly some positive experiences but ultimatly i felt this group had the final blow in crushing my soul, i soon came to notice that this group was awfuly back stabbish, most of them talking rubbish behind ppls backs most of the time and eventually this turned onto me.
this made me incredibly lacking in self a steem (and im sure here is where weed didnt help)
as a result i sometimes felt taken the piss out of in open air as if this whole group looked at me in some sort of pathetic way, like i was a joke to them, i wasnt always able to understand there converstaion and thought that this was there way of taking the piss out of me infront of my face.
there would be laughing but i didnt get it ?!! they all did !!!???

So i became introverted again slowly over time found a girlfriend to wich i admit i could not trust on an instinctual level, i had so many encounters with her that she was doing wrong by me, but never enough conclusive information to catch her out, so in the end i decided to leave her on the account that she just was not making me feel good

The last 2 years ive been extremly introverted, and smoking every waking minute just staying in my own bubble, i suppose for fear of coming accross all these terrible people i have met in the last 10 years, my whole adult life !

Ive quit now almost 4 weeks, and im not the same person i was when i was 18 , im 28 now and through my experiences or weed possibly ? i am now very much a socially conscious person, i hate the world for what it is through my extensive research on the internet over years, and because of this i feel out of place to most people today, im missunderstood alot. but is this really the weed ? or is it my life experiences or both or maybe even more factors ?

This is my personality today -

I hate government
im sketptical of local doctors and how they earn commision through selling certain drugs
i talk alot of intricate politics - i.e How Drug Prohibition DOES NOT work !
I genuinly believe USA blew up there own city new york in 2001 to justify a war and a terrorism act
Banks Enslave the people via debt
Police have way too much power
We dont live in a true democracy
Tv hijacks peoples perception of things
Hate the rich and the coorp World (Capatilism)
The world is way to unequal
The new World Order and USAs plan for world domination
Societys Social Engineering

The list goes on and i think ppl refer to this as having your eyes open so to speak, but i dont half feel missunderstood because i understand all of this stuff which most of the world is ignorant too and it tends to be part of my converstaion to people i know, but im passed off , egnored, told to shut up ,im boring or just simply looked at with crazy eyes !!! ........

So ...Whats Changed me ? cannabis abuse ? My Life Experience ? or any other factors ? and am i ok to be like this ? am i crazy or is everyone i know apathetic ?

 

[xSound]

I honestly think you just have a poor choice in friends. I don't think weed "changed" you. I'm not saying weed can't change a person because I'm sure it can. Everyone is different, some are weak minded and some aren't. I feel like your life experiences more then likely shaped who you are. Sure the weed probably had some effect on you, but I doubt it made you go from happy go lucky to hating the world. I'm of course no doctor, but I have been smoking since I was around 14-15 and I'm 22 now. I have a wife and two kids and I'm about to graduate from a Tech school and I smoke all day everyday when I can. I think honestly like i said you just have poor choice in friends. I feel you need to find maybe 1-2 people and really try and connect better. Someone who wont back-stab you maybe?

Good luck in whatever you choose.
-Sound

 

[Mafioso]

I was always depressed and anxious growing up so I was mostly anti-social but the few friends I did have were real friends, very real reliable people. Although some may say it is disputed, it seems pretty well understood that heavy use will actually cause changes in the brain, a few things I remember are reduced grey matter and changes in the shape that forms memories.

It is my understanding that cannabis can be a very useful medicine but for most smokers, it is used as a drug- a way to escape or get away. There are many side-effects to long term heavy use, many studies show links to depression and other emotional disorders... but then there are others who I know who say they were able to quit smoking relatively easily. It seems the people who were able to quit were usually in emotionally stable environments and relationships. The people(like myself) who have trouble quitting seem to live in more emotionally unhealthy environments... relationships, jobs, and what not that they put up with by getting stoned, using it like an emotional tool to quiet the part of their brain/emotions that are disagreeing with the situation, often rightfully so.

You said you quit successfully. Congrats to that, hope you stay on that path tbh. If you want my opinion what has really changed- everything. Ask yourself what hasn't changed in the last 10 years and you would be hard pressed to find a whole lot. The list of your world views are not to paranoia/drug use though, not in my opinion and many very respectable people...it is just the sad reality of the times- or perhaps an age of awakening. The illusion of freedom seems to quickly be dying. How US citizens proudly tout that we abolished slavery and established civil rights is beyond me. Perhaps there was a period of progression but it was quickly followed by a period of degression IMO. US didn't abolish slavery, we out sourced it. The worlds largest corporations(US owned mostly) set up in the smallest, poorest villages/provinces/counties and set up manufacturing(etc.) centers, ship materials in and ship out product by mass and sell it overseas at huge profit margin. We call this capitalism, but rarely do US citizens stop to consider the full cost of these transactions. Rarely does it seem locally beneficial to have US corporations dominating foreign regions- other than for the benefit of the very few that own the corporation, and perhaps it's shareholders. I could go on, but I must stop myself.

If you think you are crazy go out and read some books like "Confessions of and Economic Hitman" by John Perkins, or listen to Freeway Ricky Ross(not the rapper, the crack kingpin who was supplied by the CIA). Go out and do actual research if you haven't already. Propaganda is nothing new, nor is many of the sadist and twisted things happening- like the fact that there is more debt than moeny and has been ever since the Federabl Bank has been a privately owned institution. THE US DOESN"T EVEN OWN IT'S OWN CURRENCY- IT PAYS INTEREST ON EVERY SINGLE DOLLAR. "National debt crisis" is more of a national debt scheme set up by private bankers if you ask me.


----Anyways...... would I have considered any of this if I haven't smoked so much herb? Well there are brilliant men who have long before me. i do no think cannabis has changed your worldviews so much it has associated you with people who have similar world views. The problem I feel with focusing so much on these truths are that they hard to deal with when most everyone else seems so disconnected. But there are pockets of people living off the grid with these exact problems in mind.

My best advice is to focus on your mental and physical health, this would include your personal relationships. Much easier said than done. Ultimately you must find a way to survive in the world you are born into, hopefully you are able to find something that you are passionate about that is not materialistic. For me it is music largely, but also the pursuit of knowledge and health.

 

[CrypticArc]

Weed might be a crutch to help you cope with your problems, and of course this can turn into a bad thing when used irresponsibly, but I doubt it played a major role in most of the negative things that happened to you. Honestly all of the stuff you're talking about are just realizations that smart people eventually come to, even without weed use. It sounds to me like your friends were simply distracting you from the truths, giving you something else to pay attention to.

 

[StoneHappyMonday]

There is absolutely nothing in what you describe as your personality to disagree with save the semantics of how the USA blew up New York.

To that extent, you're normal. Don't blame the drugs.

 

[Ignot]

I was pretty much smoking 10 years heavily to wich alot of that was alone and the last maybe 2 - 3 years have been stoned every waking minute ....

MY STORY----

first off , i feel ive had a very unfair social life starting from about 18 yrs old, i had fallen out with my school friends because some were sleeping with my girlfriend, they were a big group , they all knew, but no one told me, so i left them all behind and became abit of a recluse from then on, then i started smoking the weed heavily..........
i still tried to go out and have fun ALONE on the weekends on the town, ive always known alot of people so i would come accross somone to hang with, but never had immediate friends to ring..
while in town wich was the place i would sometimes come accross my old group of friends i would kinda be demonised and rumors based on lies started going around about me from my ex and ex best friend who is now having kids with my ex and generally the whole crew actually, people i didnt know, (who they did) would come up to me and ask if my name was so n so and when i replied yeh they would just call me something that they had heard and this still goes on today, but ive learnt to egnore it over alot of years

2 years passed and i had latched onto a new group of friends ((but still smoking))
in this new group of friends there were definatly some positive experiences but ultimatly i felt this group had the final blow in crushing my soul, i soon came to notice that this group was awfuly back stabbish, most of them talking rubbish behind ppls backs most of the time and eventually this turned onto me.
this made me incredibly lacking in self a steem (and im sure here is where weed didnt help)
as a result i sometimes felt taken the piss out of in open air as if this whole group looked at me in some sort of pathetic way, like i was a joke to them, i wasnt always able to understand there converstaion and thought that this was there way of taking the piss out of me infront of my face.
there would be laughing but i didnt get it ?!! they all did !!!???

So i became introverted again slowly over time found a girlfriend to wich i admit i could not trust on an instinctual level, i had so many encounters with her that she was doing wrong by me, but never enough conclusive information to catch her out, so in the end i decided to leave her on the account that she just was not making me feel good

The last 2 years ive been extremly introverted, and smoking every waking minute just staying in my own bubble, i suppose for fear of coming accross all these terrible people i have met in the last 10 years, my whole adult life !

Ive quit now almost 4 weeks, and im not the same person i was when i was 18 , im 28 now and through my experiences or weed possibly ? i am now very much a socially conscious person, i hate the world for what it is through my extensive research on the internet over years, and because of this i feel out of place to most people today, im missunderstood alot. but is this really the weed ? or is it my life experiences or both or maybe even more factors ?

This is my personality today -

I hate government
im sketptical of local doctors and how they earn commision through selling certain drugs
i talk alot of intricate politics - i.e How Drug Prohibition DOES NOT work !
I genuinly believe USA blew up there own city new york in 2001 to justify a war and a terrorism act
Banks Enslave the people via debt
Police have way too much power
We dont live in a true democracy
Tv hijacks peoples perception of things
Hate the rich and the coorp World (Capatilism)
The world is way to unequal
The new World Order and USAs plan for world domination
Societys Social Engineering

The list goes on and i think ppl refer to this as having your eyes open so to speak, but i dont half feel missunderstood because i understand all of this stuff which most of the world is ignorant too and it tends to be part of my converstaion to people i know, but im passed off , egnored, told to shut up ,im boring or just simply looked at with crazy eyes !!! ........

So ...Whats Changed me ? cannabis abuse ? My Life Experience ? or any other factors ? and am i ok to be like this ? am i crazy or is everyone i know apathetic ?

By the time I turned 20, I found having a circle jerk group of friends is toxic. your better off lonely than with a group of people who are of no help to your self-esteem.

Put down the joint for good, and go start Adult Hobbies: R/C cars/Magic The Gathering/Cannabis Anonymous