fuck me, seriously. i feel like the walking dead, my soul and life is drained from bupre withdrawal. it has been around 20 days since my last dose, and it seems to just keep drawing on. i havent slept more than 3hrs a night, coupled with anhedonia, no energy and complete lack of desire to do anything is really taking a toll on me. headaches, runny nose, sneezing, yawning, RLS, the works are all there...i wake up every day and start to cry from the depression i feel. i just feel, so empty..somethings got to give..
i am barely getting by the skin of my teeth, white knuckling-everyday is a grind. i almost gave in to buying needles an dope, but i stopped myself right in front of the pharmacy. i thought, just five more fucking days!! fuckk...my cravings are so bad. all i think about is how much relief and pleasure a fat shot of boy would be. i get using dreams every night which really really fuck with me. last night i shot up a mixture of heroin and cocaine in my dreams, woke up in a pile of sweat with the taste of that wonderful rush in the back of my throat.
i was unwillingly withdrawn from buprenorphine, but there is hope. i have a dr's appointment in 5 days to get back on suboxone. this time i WILL take it sublingually, or atleast maybe plugging it. there is no point putting a needle in my arm for just bupre. i know i cant keep on without any bupre, i just cant do it. life is to tough at the moment, i need some help.
i was fucking foolish to even to entertain the thought of abusing my suboxone script, yet alone injecting bupre. this time around things will be different, it HAS to be different. i cant keep fucking around with my life. fuck it all. i just want some relief, i just want to live. to feel, to laugh, to just fucking exist. right now i dont even feel like a human being. god please help me!