Hey y’all been a member for who knows how long. Been on subutex for 7 years. Obviously switching from that to heroin and fent. I’m in a shitty situation. And need some help and guidance. My girl is in rehab. I chose to detox at home. Just seems like the subs are getting harder and harder to make me feel better.
So Friday at 10 pm did my last dose of heroin/fent. Saturday at about 12 pm I did 8 mg of sub. Got the sweats and felt horrible. Laid in my puddle of sweat. Took some clonidine and a Xanax bar. Fell asleep. Woke up. Took another 8 mg of subs woke up today (Sunday) took some more sub. Still got sweaty and felt like I had no energy. Ended up calling my Dope guy. Did a shot of dope. Didn’t get fucked up. But felt my energy back. I know I have subs in my system. And in the passed there was a fine line where if I had subs in my system. I could use dope and get high. And the next morning take my subs and be fine. If I took Dope too many days in a row then took a sub I’d go into withdrawal. This disease is so bad. It makes me cry. Knowing my life is like that. I make a decent wage 25/hr just have bad issues from being a kid. What I’m getting at is. Why is the subs not helping like they use too. Am I not waiting long enough. And why is the subs not giving me my energy back. I know two days isn’t exactly long to get my energy back. Another question is. Since I have subs in my system. And the dope isn’t really fucking me up. Just giving me some energy back. If I wake up tmmrw for work. And take a sub. I should still have it binded to my receptors and can take a sub in The morning. Right? And I guess if I get sick. Take a shot of dope? I love you all and I know we can get through this. It’s hard when your a lone. I question why I haven’t died yet and sometimes wish I would just die. Rather then deal with this bullshit.
So Friday at 10 pm did my last dose of heroin/fent. Saturday at about 12 pm I did 8 mg of sub. Got the sweats and felt horrible. Laid in my puddle of sweat. Took some clonidine and a Xanax bar. Fell asleep. Woke up. Took another 8 mg of subs woke up today (Sunday) took some more sub. Still got sweaty and felt like I had no energy. Ended up calling my Dope guy. Did a shot of dope. Didn’t get fucked up. But felt my energy back. I know I have subs in my system. And in the passed there was a fine line where if I had subs in my system. I could use dope and get high. And the next morning take my subs and be fine. If I took Dope too many days in a row then took a sub I’d go into withdrawal. This disease is so bad. It makes me cry. Knowing my life is like that. I make a decent wage 25/hr just have bad issues from being a kid. What I’m getting at is. Why is the subs not helping like they use too. Am I not waiting long enough. And why is the subs not giving me my energy back. I know two days isn’t exactly long to get my energy back. Another question is. Since I have subs in my system. And the dope isn’t really fucking me up. Just giving me some energy back. If I wake up tmmrw for work. And take a sub. I should still have it binded to my receptors and can take a sub in The morning. Right? And I guess if I get sick. Take a shot of dope? I love you all and I know we can get through this. It’s hard when your a lone. I question why I haven’t died yet and sometimes wish I would just die. Rather then deal with this bullshit.