• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT | paranoid android

Mental Health Bullied a lot of the time

K

kenlee

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 12, 2020
Messages
88
I keep getting bullied a lot of the time online and receive a lot of abuse and today the abuses left me feeling suicidal and angry, they don’t care what they do to you hiding behind a screen, one day these people will slip up and I will find them and smash them in the face because I really don’t care what happens to me anymore, I wish I could feel love, I wish I could empathy, I wish I had the strength in me to carry on and just get day to day tasks done I wish I could function.
Nothing ever happens to people who treat me like dirt. I don’t think I will ever find peace or happiness and I am to much of a coward to find an easy way out.

when I was born I was a mistake For real, o wasn’t planned, I wish I could go back in time set fire to the very object that caused me to enter this messed up world, I would do it in a heart beat
 
Yeah, hurt people hurt people. It's more about them and less about you.

Let nature take it's course - it'll come back around to them.

In the mean time, try to realize that everyone brings something to the table. You undoubtedly have unique abilities to share with the world.

What types of things do you enjoy to do, for yourself?
 
Maybe hurt people hurt people but what makes it worse is companies don’t really care about abuse and harassment, like Sony they have a report system and they don’t do anything other than issue a default notice about guidelines, these chuckle heads never get banned.

I could video-footage all day long of the vile abuse people dish out but I don’t have the hard disk space.
I like to play games, listen to music and go out, take photos of nature but I’ve been stuck in doors for a long while, I got many things I need to do like install locks, tidy the garden, chores, but I get to depressed to get things done, we have 5 kittens that where born 6 weeks ago and I struggle because I can’t eat or watch tv without them cloning over everything but I love them but it’s stressful at times.
 
If its coming from random people in your games you really gotta get past that, cant you just mute/ignore them?
 
Hey @kenlee really sorry to hear you're suffering so much.

When you say 'online', do you mean social media? I can assure you that you won't receive this sort of treatment on Bluelight, but if you do, make sure to report it to staff and the appropriate steps WILL be taken.

I can relate to your pain to a certain extent as I was also a 'mistake', suffered low esteem and generally felt like I wasn't meant for this life. Luckily, this was in the days before the internet, so I could hide away at home. Although i wasnt actually bullied, i did suffer merciless piss taking from my peers as I was socially awkward and emotionally immature.

Just a couple of suggestions:

Firstly, stay off social media. It's not healthy following a bunch of narcissistic ego maniacs whose sole intent is to brag to the world what a fantastic life they lead (even though in reality they probably feel as alienated as you do).

Secondly, try to understand that people are mirrors. They reflect back at you what you project to them.

That is, if you promote a negative self image they will reinforce it for you.

You need to work on creating a positive self image. It's extremely hard, but small steps are the key. A little bit at a time. I used to set myself small goals like speaking to someone and maintaining eye contact while saying more than one word. I know it doesn't sound much, but it all helps to overcome whatever fears you may have.

I don't know enough about your specific situation and your problems are probably nothing like mine were, but the principles are the same. Learn to love yourself first, and everyone else will follow.

I wish you well...
 
Last edited:
kenlee said:
I keep getting bullied a lot of the time online and receive a lot of abuse and today the abuses left me feeling suicidal and angry, they don’t care what they do to you hiding behind a screen, one day these people will slip up and I will find them and smash them in the face because I really don’t care what happens to me anymore, I wish I could feel love, I wish I could empathy, I wish I had the strength in me to carry on and just get day to day tasks done I wish I could function.
Nothing ever happens to people who treat me like dirt. I don’t think I will ever find peace or happiness and I am to much of a coward to find an easy way out.

when I was born I was a mistake For real, o wasn’t planned, I wish I could go back in time set fire to the very object that caused me to enter this messed up world, I would do it in a heart beat
Click to expand...
As I see it you have two choices, you can continue to believe your not worth life and happiness or you can realize that the people that you are subjecting yourself to online are people who are miserable themselves. I can’t tell you what to do, but violence will never solve this issue. It may seem as if you striking out to be heard but in all honesty you’ll probably be living up to the expectations of those bullying you. I would take a break from online if it’s this taxing on you. Find a hobby you love, and someone that will support you in that hobby. It’s a lot easier said then done, but we are all hear to support you
 
F.U.B.A.R. said:
Hey @kenlee really sorry to hear you're suffering so much.

When you say 'online', do you mean social media? I can assure you that you won't receive this sort of treatment on Bluelight, but if you do, make sure to report it to staff and the appropriate steps WILL be taken.

I can relate to your pain to a certain extent as I was also a 'mistake', suffered low esteem and generally felt like I wasn't meant for this life. Luckily, this was in the days before the internet, so I could hide away at home. Although i wasnt actually bullied, i did suffer merciless piss taking from my peers as I was socially awkward and emotionally immature.

Just a couple of suggestions:

Firstly, stay off social media. It's not healthy following a bunch of narcissistic ego maniacs whose sole intent is to brag to the world what a fantastic life they lead (even though in reality they probably feel as alienated as you do).

Secondly, try to understand that people are mirrors. They reflect back at you what you project to them.

That is, if you promote a negative self image they will reinforce it for you.

You need to work on creating a positive self image. It's extremely hard, but small steps are the key. A little bit at a time. I used to set myself small goals like speaking to someone and maintaining eye contact while saying more than one word. I know it doesn't sound much, but it all helps to overcome whatever fears you may have.

I don't know enough about your specific situation and your problems are probably nothing like mine were, but the principles are the same. Learn to love yourself first, and everyone else will follow.

I wish you well...
Click to expand...
I just now read this! Yes. This !
 
kenlee said:
Maybe hurt people hurt people but what makes it worse is companies don’t really care about abuse and harassment, like Sony they have a report system and they don’t do anything other than issue a default notice about guidelines, these chuckle heads never get banned.

I could video-footage all day long of the vile abuse people dish out but I don’t have the hard disk space.
I like to play games, listen to music and go out, take photos of nature but I’ve been stuck in doors for a long while, I got many things I need to do like install locks, tidy the garden, chores, but I get to depressed to get things done, we have 5 kittens that where born 6 weeks ago and I struggle because I can’t eat or watch tv without them cloning over everything but I love them but it’s stressful at times.
Click to expand...
Things that are worth it are stressful, I take it as you stream games?
 
kenlee said:
I like to play games, listen to music and go out, take photos of nature but I’ve been stuck in doors for a long while, I got many things I need to do like install locks, tidy the garden, chores, but I get to depressed to get things done, we have 5 kittens that where born 6 weeks ago and I struggle because I can’t eat or watch tv without them cloning over everything but I love them but it’s stressful at times.
Click to expand...

Like F.U.B.A.R. mentioned, maybe it's time to disconnect from online and put more time into the things you love.

You have some cool hobbies and when you do what you enjoy you attract people who are enjoyable. As opposed to those who are negative influences.
 
My face is being eaten by a toddler right now

But if you ever need someone to talk to my inbox is always open.

Just remember that people who are worth a shit don't go around making others feel like shit. You're already better than they are, I can already see how big your heart is. 💙
 
kenlee said:
I keep getting bullied a lot of the time online and receive a lot of abuse and today the abuses left me feeling suicidal and angry, they don’t care what they do to you hiding behind a screen, one day these people will slip up and I will find them and smash them in the face because I really don’t care what happens to me anymore, I wish I could feel love, I wish I could empathy, I wish I had the strength in me to carry on and just get day to day tasks done I wish I could function.
Nothing ever happens to people who treat me like dirt. I don’t think I will ever find peace or happiness and I am to much of a coward to find an easy way out.

when I was born I was a mistake For real, o wasn’t planned, I wish I could go back in time set fire to the very object that caused me to enter this messed up world, I would do it in a heart beat
Click to expand...

You are not alone in this mate; doesn't negate what you are feeling, but the facts are that I was a prodigy of, a prodigy, an unwanted birth too. ;)
Sorry you are dealing with hassle online.
Internalising online opinion or, judgement is unwise - opinions and judgements are rife but lack humanity and are often misunderstood ( or else they can be just trite meaningless comments) - we all have subjected and been subjected to them - good and bad; again, you are not alone in that.

I wish that you will not internalise, emotionally the typed or/audial rhetoric of online discourse based on the context of whatever platform you are on - ( online platforms are economic fuel for big buisness - NEVER invest iyour life in others profits!) this is never a substitute for real life - although RL can be as painful, at least you have the sensory feedback to draw you to what is more favourable - online we can get stuck in the context/matrix of a specific platfor/groupthink online - not good.




I hope you go discover and cultivate a new appreciation of small but incredibly significant lovely experiences off of the net - keep it small, keep it real and you will have that significance with you forever you can always build on that foundation that you have cultivated but that, is yours and yours alone :). Go easy on yourself, in your life - it is all you have. Be kind to yourself, pay attention to yourself and your real needs to nurture yourself in the most sensory, warm and most loving way you can ( not anything that is arbitrary to this) - you deserve it. <3



<3
 
Last edited:
feeling pretty hopeless right now, nothings going right and I been working all day indoors and I just need a rest day tomorrow and ive been told I cant have a day to recover. I would love to try some psychdelics to help my mood but I cant get my head around how complicated it would be to achieve this and today apple helped break my iphone and now they want to charge me more than the device is worth to repair it. I cant find a therapist. I have a telephone assment with a nhs one but thats a long way away. I used to have a therapist and we moved and she would do skype sessions and then she betrayed my trust by sharing my information with her family members one of which emailed me and called me asking how I knew my therapist so I dropped her as a therapist. I have quit playing the game that triggers me with all nasty people online and I just play red dead redemption and stay away from people on the map
 
Hey kenlee - i would advise against tripping in such a state of mind. It won't magically make you happy, in fact it may just exacerbate pre-existing emotions.

Maybe your phone breaking is a sign to disconnect :p

No but really, good on you for working so hard inside. Does it feel good to accomplish things?
 
kenlee said:
feeling pretty hopeless right now, nothings going right and I been working all day indoors and I just need a rest day tomorrow and ive been told I cant have a day to recover. I would love to try some psychdelics to help my mood but I cant get my head around how complicated it would be to achieve this and today apple helped break my iphone and now they want to charge me more than the device is worth to repair it. I cant find a therapist. I have a telephone assment with a nhs one but thats a long way away. I used to have a therapist and we moved and she would do skype sessions and then she betrayed my trust by sharing my information with her family members one of which emailed me and called me asking how I knew my therapist so I dropped her as a therapist. I have quit playing the game that triggers me with all nasty people online and I just play red dead redemption and stay away from people on the map
Click to expand...

What you should see in all this, is that everything is working itself out for the better, fuck that therapist. You deserve better, and iPhone 6 is 100 @ Walmart I love it. Tripping is a horrible thing to do in this situation your mental health should be of top priority. Everyone is suffering right now, I have to make an appointment with a tore up car, to get back onto klonopin. But even if I go I may not get it. You can choose to focus on what’s going wrong in your life, or you can accept it not care and keep on your path. I know what I’m saying seems rude but I’m not going bullishit you. You should be proud that you took a step despite all the setbacks and removed part of the problem. You should find what really makes you happy and do it regardless of anyone’s opinion on it.
 
I have the same four books I recommend to all my students. The game - Strauss, body language, unlimited power, and intoxication. They strengthen the mind.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top