Hi Ai,
I hope you are feeling better. Forgive me if I'm coming off as being invasive or if it's none of my business, please just tell me to STFU, but I am curious about something.
You have warned me about going down the alchoholic rabbit hole in the past, as I chronicled my journey and issues and struggles with use, misuse and sobriety. I am an alcoholic and a drug addict. I drink more when I am without my DOC, much more. For example, when I'm not high on my DOC (oxy blues), I drink and use kratom and also xanax. At my worst, I polish off a pint of vodka along with a beers, in a single night. I feel like crap in the middle of the night usually, pop some Advil, and I wake up with only a mildish hangover, I guess due to tolerance.
I don't day drink, only after work -- unless it's a day drinking kind of day, and then I usually need a nap. I just can't hang anymore unless I have cocaine or adderall or something.
Anyway, my question for you, and you can tell me to fuck off, is:
You are suffering from physical WD. Having to detox - shakes, nausea, DTs maybe? I don't know. I am curious -- are you drinking morning, noon and night to reach that point? And at what quantitiies? I ask, because as much as I drink, which is single goddamn day... I have not yet become physically addicted. I don't want to be... I dont even want to be what I am... but I am just curious.
Also I am curious as to what let to this latest relapse. You seemed to be on a good run with the meetings, the trivia nights, the refuge recovery, working...
I'm just someone who cares, and I have questions. And I like you a lot and have the utmost respect for you. Feel better, get better and hang in there.