Detox Brutally detoxing again

[aihfl]

Well I finally got my pharmacy issues straightened out. Too bad it took ALL FUCKING MORNING and an in-person visit to the psychiatrist's office light a fire underneath him to deal with it. I hate bitching about him because he really understands what I need instead of the typical knee-jerk, you're an alcoholic, I can't prescribe you anything that might actually HELP.

Sorry about the shouting. I don't know why, but I've just been anxious and agitated since I got up. I just took an Ativan and I'm turning on Netflix (unexpectedly ended up with the day off) so I'm just going to do my best to chill the rest of today.

 

[EPL1]

Well I finally got my pharmacy issues straightened out. Too bad it took ALL FUCKING MORNING and an in-person visit to the psychiatrist's office light a fire underneath him to deal with it. I hate bitching about him because he really understands what I need instead of the typical knee-jerk, you're an alcoholic, I can't prescribe you anything that might actually HELP.

I was just wondering what happened with your pharmacy issue. Aww man, double edged sword right, happy it's sorted out, but sad that you had to endure that stress to make it happen!!!

Sorry about the shouting. I don't know why, but I've just been anxious and agitated since I got up. I just took an Ativan and I'm turning on Netflix (unexpectedly ended up with the day off) so I'm just going to do my best to chill the rest of today.

No need to apologize, that honestly sounds frustrating, I hope the ativan kicks in soon and you find a great movie to watch!!! Enjoy your day off!!

Have a great day my friend,
hugs,
Ash.

 

[aihfl]

Good evening SL. Tried to go to a 12 & 12 meeting this evening (as I said in LHL's thread, I do ok at literature meetings) in the ghetto about a 15 minute drive away from me, and no one showed up to run the meeting. Reminds me of a Shameless episode where Fiona tells Liam to get ready for school and he says "I'm on CPT." "CPT?" "Colored peoples' time." I gave it 10 minutes and then came back home.

Heard from one of my oldest and dearest friends from college today. We are supposed to be going with each other to another college friend's wedding in November, but at this point I can only speculate that it isn't happening, at least not then. She did express concern for me living alone here. Living in Chicago for a few months is a fun thing to daydream about, but I don't know how practical it is. Like I said above, I have a great psychiatrist here, though there's little else that ties me to Orlando. I usually telecommute to work, so I can do my job from anywhere, and I don't have a particularly tight circle of friends. Before I started drinking again 11 mos. ago, it was a different story. I was always out kayaking or paddleboarding with friends or taking people out on my sailboat, but alcohol (and drugs) have a way of isolating you from everyone else.

Also noticed today that I seem to have more sensation on the soles of my feet today. Ever since I started my drinking career at age 17 (44 now), for some reason, I've always felt alcohol first in my feet. Anyone else experience that?

Anyway, I ended up enjoying my unexpected mental health day and it's back to the grind tomorrow.

 

[Rio Fantastic]

It makes sense that you are regaining sensation in your extremities, you've probably suffered some degree of alcoholic neuropathy and your nerve endings are now re-growing back. All part of the recovery process, man, onwards and upwards! How many days clean are you now? Just think, every tingle you get where there used to be no sensation is your body actively healing itself and recovering from all the poison you dumped into it during your time as a drinker!

 

[aihfl]

Well I had my first dose of Adderall this morning. Having been on stimulant ADHD meds in the past, I was concerned it might make me manic like it did before, and like cocaine did, but I find myself calmly focused on my work. It's a low, low dose at only 10mg. I'm only putting in half a day today, so I won't need to take it again today. It seems like it has the potential to really help my mindset and quality of life. The other new med Ambien, has already done so. It's not an exaggeration to say it's been life-changing, being able to fall asleep right after I crawl into bed.

 

[hikfromstik]

That's great to here aihfl . Maybe that will be medicine to motivate you not to go back to the bottle . I think working might also be some good medicine for you . It sure helps me even though I get no job satisfaction. I look at it as a distraction from self pity . Keep on trucking my friend .

 

[EPL1]

Wow, so great to hear, isn't it nice when one of the rx's we get from our doctor's works for us personally? So happy for you, your'e doing so well aihfl, I hope you know that.

Keep up this amazing quit you've got going my friend!!!

Here for you always,
Ash.

 

[aihfl]

Oy, what an ordeal I had last night picking up my old sponsor from the hospital. The hospital FUCKING LOST HIS KEYS AND WALLET!!! I'm glad he checked before we left hospital property. He lives in a secured building in downtown Orlando and without the key fob for the building entrances he wouldn't even be able to enter the building. The runaround he got from the hospital was maddening and I momentarily lost my shit. It was past 9pm (so I had already been there for two hours) when he was brought out and got him in the car when he discovered his keys and wallet were missing. Being past 9, the main entrance was closed, so I had to go through the ER and wait forever behind all these sick people having medical emergencies and when I got to the front of the line, the *&^%$# behind the counter started arguing with me that there was no record of my old sponsor being admitted to the hospital. So I had to get him out of the car, get a wheelchair and we had to wait in that freaking line again. This time though, security and a case manager got involved. They never did find his wallet and keys and when he asked to be readmitted because all his pain meds were in his inaccessible apartment, they started arguing with him saying since he was stable and discharged, he can't be readmitted. He told them he wasn't going to be stable if he didn't have access to his pain meds so then they told him he would have to go through the ER and pay his ER copay. Very very lucky for both of us that he was able to contact his building super to let us in. It was about midnight at this point. Shit like that makes me think maybe, just maybe, there is a higher power that looks out for us.

I'm not working today but my sleeping in was cut short because the building directly across the street is being painted and the painters are in these cherry pickers making that loud fucking godawful beeping every time they move up or down. I had a dream I was on a construction site and trucks were constantly beeping and backing up. Despite getting little sleep it's been a good morning so far. The dog and I went on a walk in the park on the other side of the street and she had a great time saying hello to other dogs and taking in all the exciting new smells. I am off to Publix (grocery) to get stuff for my breakfast, but it's only a block away.

Have a great day everyone.

 

[Rio Fantastic]

Oy, what an ordeal I had last night picking up my old sponsor from the hospital. The hospital FUCKING LOST HIS KEYS AND WALLET!!! I'm glad he checked before we left hospital property. He lives in a secured building in downtown Orlando and without the key fob for the building entrances he wouldn't even be able to enter the building. The runaround he got from the hospital was maddening and I momentarily lost my shit. It was past 9pm (so I had already been there for two hours) when he was brought out and got him in the car when he discovered his keys and wallet were missing. Being past 9, the main entrance was closed, so I had to go through the ER and wait forever behind all these sick people having medical emergencies and when I got to the front of the line, the *&^%$# behind the counter started arguing with me that there was no record of my old sponsor being admitted to the hospital. So I had to get him out of the car, get a wheelchair and we had to wait in that freaking line again. This time though, security and a case manager got involved. They never did find his wallet and keys and when he asked to be readmitted because all his pain meds were in his inaccessible apartment, they started arguing with him saying since he was stable and discharged, he can't be readmitted. He told them he wasn't going to be stable if he didn't have access to his pain meds so then they told him he would have to go through the ER and pay his ER copay. Very very lucky for both of us that he was able to contact his building super to let us in. It was about midnight at this point. Shit like that makes me think maybe, just maybe, there is a higher power that looks out for us.

I'm not working today but my sleeping in was cut short because the building directly across the street is being painted and the painters are in these cherry pickers making that loud fucking godawful beeping every time they move up or down. I had a dream I was on a construction site and trucks were constantly beeping and backing up. Despite getting little sleep it's been a good morning so far. The dog and I went on a walk in the park on the other side of the street and she had a great time saying hello to other dogs and taking in all the exciting new smells. I am off to Publix (grocery) to get stuff for my breakfast, but it's only a block away.

Have a great day everyone.

Sounds like you kept your cool and handled the situation responsibly and maturely, so good job. God knows there are many situations when I should have approached a situation with that kind of equanimity but instead flew off the handle or acted like a child which always makes those situations worse.

 

[EPL1]

You sound really good aihfl, like in every way. Just reading that speaks volumes as to how well you're doing and managing things. ( and how you managed to keep it together during that crazy clusterfuck I don't know!! ; )

Have a great breakfast and an even better day my friend.

Hugs,
Ash.

 

[aihfl]

Well, Florida Hospital finally located his stuff. It had been put in a safe for safekeeping. When he was discharged the surgical center had closed, so no one brought it to him, and no one else knew to know to tell him where it was. I REALLY hate that hospital. I took my wife to the ER for kidney stones there once, and they left her on a bed in an ER hallway for hours. She finally called me to come get her and she just walked out. When a bill came in the mail she refused to pay it. I detoxed there back in January and the doctor was a sadist. I slept nearly continuously for three days, waking up only for meals, and then I was up for the next four. I begged the doctor for something to help me sleep and she wouldn't give me anything because, well, you know, I'm an addict. And my discharge instructions said to stop taking all my psych meds plus my cholesterol med. I showed that to my psychiatrist and he was pissed. Doubly pissed because he used to work at that hospital. When my ex wife had to have a hysterectomy, she made sure it wasn't there. She went to Winnie Palmer (wife of golfer Arnold Palmer) Hospital for Women which is part of Orlando Health.

And Ash and Rio, I didn't exactly handle it maturely. I was fuming by the time I got to the front of the line and when the guy behind the counter started arguing with me, telling me I either didn't know my former sponsor's name or he had never been admitted, I did momentarily lose it.

I have to work tomorrow so today consisted of me going to his doctor to get the paperwork for a handicap placard, then the hospital to retrieve his stuff, then the DMV to get the handicap placard, and then a medical supply place so he could get one of those knee scooter thingies. Busy, but had to get it all out of the way today since I'm back to work tomorrow. Kinda nice being able to park close to entrances though lol. After my dad died, I asked my mother what she was going to do with his handicap placard and she self-righteously said, "Well, of course I'm going to do the right thing and return it to the DMV." A few months later we were driving around a packed parking lot and she couldn't find a space, so she sheepishly pulled out my dad's handicap placard and hung it from the mirror and parked.

 

[Rio Fantastic]

Well, Florida Hospital finally located his stuff. It had been put in a safe for safekeeping. When he was discharged the surgical center had closed, so no one brought it to him, and no one else knew to know to tell him where it was. I REALLY hate that hospital. I took my wife to the ER for kidney stones there once, and they left her on a bed in an ER hallway for hours. She finally called me to come get her and she just walked out. When a bill came in the mail she refused to pay it. I detoxed there back in January and the doctor was a sadist. I slept nearly continuously for three days, waking up only for meals, and then I was up for the next four. I begged the doctor for something to help me sleep and she wouldn't give me anything because, well, you know, I'm an addict. And my discharge instructions said to stop taking all my psych meds plus my cholesterol med. I showed that to my psychiatrist and he was pissed. Doubly pissed because he used to work at that hospital. When my ex wife had to have a hysterectomy, she made sure it wasn't there. She went to Winnie Palmer (wife of golfer Arnold Palmer) Hospital for Women which is part of Orlando Health.

And Ash and Rio, I didn't exactly handle it maturely. I was fuming by the time I got to the front of the line and when the guy behind the counter started arguing with me, telling me I either didn't know my former sponsor's name or he had never been admitted, I did momentarily lose it.

I have to work tomorrow so today consisted of me going to his doctor to get the paperwork for a handicap placard, then the hospital to retrieve his stuff, then the DMV to get the handicap placard, and then a medical supply place so he could get one of those knee scooter thingies. Busy, but had to get it all out of the way today since I'm back to work tomorrow. Kinda nice being able to park close to entrances though lol. After my dad died, I asked my mother what she was going to do with his handicap placard and she self-righteously said, "Well, of course I'm going to do the right thing and return it to the DMV." A few months later we were driving around a packed parking lot and she couldn't find a space, so she sheepishly pulled out my dad's handicap placard and hung it from the mirror and parked.

Hospital doctors overstepping their roles and going out of their remit to overrule qualified psychiatrists is a personal pet peeve of mine. Fucking arrogant assholes take one look at your medical file and feel qualified to totally overturn the treatment plan you & your psychiatrist have been building for months or even years - the sheer audacity of it is infuriating. That addict label is a tough one to shake as well - I often wonder if when I have serious illnesses when I'm 70+ if I will be denied the usual forthcoming stream of morphine because of it.

Provided you didn't hit the guy on the desk in the face then you certainly kept your cool in my book. We can't all be buddhist monks 24/7, especially when being accused of lying to our faces when we know we're telling the truth. I also didn't realise you were handicapped? By the by, you have a cool stream of consciousness writing style with loose associations that's pretty compelling IMO.

 

[EPL1]

I'm glad your friend got his things back aihfl, I commiserate with him, it's hard enough being a chronic pain patient and when things like that happen it's even more stressful.

You're a good friend to him.

Ash.

Well, Florida Hospital finally located his stuff. It had been put in a safe for safekeeping. When he was discharged the surgical center had closed, so no one brought it to him, and no one else knew to know to tell him where it was. I REALLY hate that hospital. I took my wife to the ER for kidney stones there once, and they left her on a bed in an ER hallway for hours. She finally called me to come get her and she just walked out. When a bill came in the mail she refused to pay it. I detoxed there back in January and the doctor was a sadist. I slept nearly continuously for three days, waking up only for meals, and then I was up for the next four. I begged the doctor for something to help me sleep and she wouldn't give me anything because, well, you know, I'm an addict. And my discharge instructions said to stop taking all my psych meds plus my cholesterol med. I showed that to my psychiatrist and he was pissed. Doubly pissed because he used to work at that hospital. When my ex wife had to have a hysterectomy, she made sure it wasn't there. She went to Winnie Palmer (wife of golfer Arnold Palmer) Hospital for Women which is part of Orlando Health.

And Ash and Rio, I didn't exactly handle it maturely. I was fuming by the time I got to the front of the line and when the guy behind the counter started arguing with me, telling me I either didn't know my former sponsor's name or he had never been admitted, I did momentarily lose it.

I have to work tomorrow so today consisted of me going to his doctor to get the paperwork for a handicap placard, then the hospital to retrieve his stuff, then the DMV to get the handicap placard, and then a medical supply place so he could get one of those knee scooter thingies. Busy, but had to get it all out of the way today since I'm back to work tomorrow. Kinda nice being able to park close to entrances though lol. After my dad died, I asked my mother what she was going to do with his handicap placard and she self-righteously said, "Well, of course I'm going to do the right thing and return it to the DMV." A few months later we were driving around a packed parking lot and she couldn't find a space, so she sheepishly pulled out my dad's handicap placard and hung it from the mirror and parked.

 

[hikfromstik]

F'n hospitals are sometimes the worst . You sound like a very good person to do what your doing for your friend . You have good karma coming your way !!!

 

[aihfl]

Hello SL. Tinypic wasn't working this morning, but here's a few pictures of the past few days:

I was really excited to find this at the Asian grocery since I grew up on Okinawa (dad was a military doctor) and went back there to work for the Japanese Foreign Ministry doing grunt translation work (basically an internship) for two years out of college.

Downtown on a beautiful but warm morning while I was out with the dog

Two of Lake Eola's resident swans

Black swans hitting the snooze button - their names are Trump (has nothing to do with the President - he's a trumpeter swan) and Sugarfoot (because her feet are white)

 

[hikfromstik]

Orlando is a beautiful city . I've driven through with my parents when going to Disney world when I was a kid. I remember all the wet lands and looking for alligators. Are their still toll booths every few miles on the main highways ?

 

[EPL1]

I legitimately thought the last picture was a set of huge ass bear prints....me thinks it's time to get glasses!! : )

Beautiful pictures.

 

[aihfl]

Orlando is a beautiful city . I've driven through with my parents when going to Disney world when I was a kid. I remember all the wet lands and looking for alligators. Are their still toll booths every few miles on the main highways ?

YES, damnit. And now that Interstate 4 is being rebuilt, we're going to have EVEN MORE FUCKING TOLLS because they're building tolled express lanes. When I got here in the 90s, Orlando was a big small town and there was a morning and evening rush, but now traffic is as choking as South Florida or Atlanta. So the options are to pay tolls or sit in traffic, both of which royally suck. I have a very dim view of the Central Florida Expressway Authority after a bunch of graft and corruption was uncovered a few years ago.

I legitimately thought the last picture was a set of huge ass bear prints....me thinks it's time to get glasses!! : )

As the city grows to the west, bear problems have been increasing. One of my ex-wife's best friends had a bear that was living under her house and Florida Fish and Wildlife caught it and euthanized it (bears who aren't afraid of humans are dangerous) and people in her neighborhood were so angry at her that her name, address and phone number were publicized and the amount of harassment that was a result was unbelievable. There are some really fragile wetlands to the northwest but they just keep building and building and building and now they're going to build another tolled expressway right through the middle of it. It's going to be an "environmentally friendly" expressway, though. Yeah right. Who do they think they're fooling? An oxymoron if I've ever heard one. How about "don't build it, and they won't come?"

My friend was in so much pain last night I kept asking him if he wanted to go to the emergency room. He wasn't convinced they'd do much for him, but I told him he'd probably get IV pain meds at least. Anyway, I ran another errand for him this morning. He talked to his doctor this morning and told him the Norco wasn't cutting it, so I went and got a script for Dilaudid for him. I hope it makes him more comfortable. We've had to make some major recalculations. I told him I didn't want to leave my car in his garage when I spoke to him on Monday and he said "Well, if I'm still not feeling the effects of the anesthesia, I'll follow you home and then drive you back downtown." This turned out, I think, to be a much bigger deal than he anticipated. He has to ride in the back seat to put his foot up, and given that he drives a Beemer convertible coupe, he wouldn't even be able to get in and out of his own car, let alone drive. So I'm having to pay the twelve bucks a day for parking and he said he'll reimburse me. At least I drive an Outback which is a relatively roomy car.

 

[EPL1]

Oh man he's lucky to have a friend like you to help him. Sounds just awful what he's going through!!! Is he okay today? I assume he's pretty stable if he stays on his pain medication?

Good afternoon to you btw,
Ash.

YES, damnit. And now that Interstate 4 is being rebuilt, we're going to have EVEN MORE FUCKING TOLLS because they're building tolled express lanes. When I got here in the 90s, Orlando was a big small town and there was a morning and evening rush, but now traffic is as choking as South Florida or Atlanta. So the options are to pay tolls or sit in traffic, both of which royally suck. I have a very dim view of the Central Florida Expressway Authority after a bunch of graft and corruption was uncovered a few years ago.


As the city grows to the west, bear problems have been increasing. One of my ex-wife's best friends had a bear that was living under her house and Florida Fish and Wildlife caught it and euthanized it (bears who aren't afraid of humans are dangerous) and people in her neighborhood were so angry at her that her name, address and phone number were publicized and the amount of harassment that was a result was unbelievable. There are some really fragile wetlands to the northwest but they just keep building and building and building and now they're going to build another tolled expressway right through the middle of it. It's going to be an "environmentally friendly" expressway, though. Yeah right. Who do they think they're fooling? An oxymoron if I've ever heard one. How about "don't build it, and they won't come?"

My friend was in so much pain last night I kept asking him if he wanted to go to the emergency room. He wasn't convinced they'd do much for him, but I told him he'd probably get IV pain meds at least. Anyway, I ran another errand for him this morning. He talked to his doctor this morning and told him the Norco wasn't cutting it, so I went and got a script for Dilaudid for him. I hope it makes him more comfortable. We've had to make some major recalculations. I told him I didn't want to leave my car in his garage when I spoke to him on Monday and he said "Well, if I'm still not feeling the effects of the anesthesia, I'll follow you home and then drive you back downtown." This turned out, I think, to be a much bigger deal than he anticipated. He has to ride in the back seat to put his foot up, and given that he drives a Beemer convertible coupe, he wouldn't even be able to get in and out of his own car, let alone drive. So I'm having to pay the twelve bucks a day for parking and he said he'll reimburse me. At least I drive an Outback which is a relatively roomy car.

 

[aihfl]

Hi Ash, hope you are having a good day. I haven't seen much of him today. The Dilaudid keeps him out. At least if he's asleep he's not in pain.

Hik, thank you for the thing about the good karma, but I'm just giving back. When he was still my sponsor he came and got me after I had been drinking for weeks on end and taking every downer in sight and that's how I ended up in the hospital in January. I was pissed at him at the time for doing that, but in hindsight, it was a good thing. I literally had eaten nothing in weeks and my potassium levels were in cardiac arrest territory. I was supposed to go to a detox then at least four weeks of rehab in Umatilla, Florida, about an hour away, and he took me up there, but the people at the detox/rehab concluded I was too sick to be detoxed there and took me to a hospital. I never ended up going into rehab because after I was discharged from the hospital, they wouldn't admit me for reasons that were utter bullshit, but it's a long story and deserves its own post. He ended up retrieving me from the hospital in Tavares, Florida, also 45-60 minutes away, so I don't mind burning up my gas to run his errands.

Anyone else seen the most recent season of Shameless? The scene where Professor Youens is shitfaced in court for his DUI charge was hard to watch, because I've done that (not for the DUI - it was divorce related). My attorney told me that the only reason he wasn't firing me as a client was because his first wife and son are alcoholics and he had compassion for my problems. But he told me that he and another friend had arranged for me to go to rehab - all I had to do was show up - and if I didn't go, I needed to find new legal representation. He asked me if I was really naive enough to believe that people couldn't tell I was drunk and high. I guess I was

Hope everyone has a good day. I'm off to early vote in the Florida primaries.