Breakthrough Problem

[TiltError]

Hi. This will be my first post here...actually the first post anywhere since I have never felt the need to discuss my use of psychedelic drugs....but I feel that I am at the point where I would really appreciate some advice.

I am just coming out of a strong AL-LAD trip. I took 6 Tabs (900ug) 8 hours ago. It was very intense but I have this feeling that I didn't go deep enough. I could still feel some part of my ego being present. Two months ago I tried with 1P-LSD (4 Blotters) - same thing.
Both times I reach a Level where I stop feeling my own body, loose the idea of time, getting absolutely lost in ideas , memories , images , sounds....but I can still feel my own presence which indicates to me that either the dose or the drug are not enough.
I am starting to get a little depressed about this. Like I said - I want to go deeper but don't know how. Is there any point in upping the dose if the drugs are not potent enough? Any suggestions would be mcuh appreciated!
Thanks

 

[pupnik]

the error is in believing that the drug will provide ego loss for you. there is no guarantee of this.
the Shulgin_Rating_Scale is misleading in suggesting that dosage will result in ego-loss
it is truthfull up to plus 3,
yet it caveats

If a drug (or technique or process) were ever to be discovered which would consistently produce a plus four experience in all human beings, it is conceivable that it would signal the ultimate evolution, and perhaps the end, of the human experiment.
— Alexander Shulgin, PIHKAL, pages 963–965

IME, you could have ego-loss experiences at any dosage.
the higher dosages create disconnection from the body continuity and intensify blended layering of ideas and sensation imagination dreams,
and if you go higher than that as the layering of fragments of ideas and sensation becomes extremely dense you can expect blackout or whiteout.

along the way, if you are predisposed to it, you may have ego-loss, and you may a much lighter doses just as easily.

no guarantee on this type of experience.

I find it comes to me from being very interested in the world, and holding onto no single thing.

 

[psy997]

There's always going to be a perception of yourself in some way otherwise you wouldn't be perceiving.

You're creating problems for yourself by setting up expectations that are failing to be met. In addition, as stated by pupnik, peak spiritual experiences aren't guaranteed from high doses. What are you doing in your everyday life to go deeper? The psychedelic experience is not solely a result of the chemical ingested.

 

[OneTwoSeven]

I agree with what's been said by pupnik and psy997 .

How would you even know that you transcended your ego, if you wouldn't be able to perceive and observe what's happening?
You were able to experience and remember you're trip (from what are you describing) - isn't that a good thing? I'd rather have that then go unconscious and don't remember anything.




I don't know you and if that's your situation, so forgive the unsolicited and presumptuous advice, but instead of trying to escape or kill your ego (your "self"), better approach might be to turn around, look at it and "integrate the shadow", which LSD is very useful for (as well as MDMA).

 

[psy997]

instead of trying to escape or kill your ego (your "self"), better approach might be to turn around, look at it and "integrate the shadow", which LSD is very useful for (as well as MDMA).

This. Our egos can never be killed, they are how we interface with the world. Instead of trying to lessen or kill yours the effort should be put into looking at it completely and totally, understanding it, and loving it; ie. integrating the shadow. We are human and we will never transcend that.

 

[perpetualdawn]

It's possible to enter a state where the thinking mind completely stops, yet awareness remains. Because the mind stops thinking, categorizing, differentiating, discerning, and conditioning reality, the self as a separate entity from everything else disappears. It's very possible to enter this state and not loose conciousness, be *completely* (hyper)aware. The expressions "killing your ego", "ego death" are clumsy and get applied to a bunch of the wrong things, but this is what it *really* means IMO, and it's the same thing that a lot of meditation traditions try to point their practitioners towards.

I agree very much with what pupnik said, and was hoping he'd chime in on this when I read the OP earlier.

I wonder if I disagree with psy977, or if we have slightly different definitions. I agree that you can not turn off perception without a blackout, by definition. But it is possible to experience unconditioned awareness. Unconditioned in the sense of category-free, including the category of self as opposed to non-self. I used to be a skeptic on this, but now I've seen the light

On the subject of blackout, I've also noticed that it's possible to have a blackout, but without the loss of perception. It's possible to enter states of mind that are so baffling that it's impossible to form memories of them, so from the outside (after), they appear as blackouts. Had this insight on a massive ETH-LAD trip where I was cruising around the edges of some of these headspaces. I reckon this is what happens when people take too much DMT and have a blackout - I bet they are fully aware while in it, but the brain just can't form any souvenirs out of such nonsense.

 

[pupnik]

I think that being awake in a blackout and being delerious and unable to recall the experience (which you may have described to a friend) is similar.