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brain’s reward system

jose ribas da silva

jose ribas da silva

Bluelighter
Joined
May 10, 2019
Messages
3,889
Strange situation

I am nice to myself now, I don’t crave drugs anymore, I have recognized in my life that drugs cannot give me anything more than what they have given me so far. I have rebuilt all my life, friends, girlfriends, family, job.

I am currently having moments to appreciate and remember, moments that other people would likely envy. I am not depressed, nevertheless, I cannot feel anymore, I have this impression, even when I am living situations that should activate my brain’s reward system, it is not being activated as it should be.

I think drugs have fucked me up forever, regarding the brain’s reward system, no longer able to enjoy ordinary life situations as a normal person.

Biochemically, it is proved that drugs radically alter this system, so I think that now I am having, from the front row, an idea of what that means precisely.
 
I think it just takes some time Jose.

It will get better and better.

Look how far you have come!
Try to concentrate on the progress instead of what is lacking still.
The brain takes awhile to heal. A long while. But it is a very resilient and amazing organ!
Have Faith!

At least “joselino” is happy! 😀
 
I remember you were posting a thread about crippling anxiety and rotating benzos.

I will say that it's funny how actually talking to people and making plans with others alleviates social anxiety more than benzos can! People are definitely like drugs too, though. Some are pure meth comedowns and others are heroin high to be around lol! Good luck.. you will definitely experience moments without drugs that are amazing if you give life a chance :) My parents were two of the most offensive addicts ever in their younger days. They both seem relatively like normal people now who never touched drugs and are very happy these days. DOC for one was cocaine/alcohol abuse and the other was an opiate addict.. don't know how she has a viable career after the crap she's pulled though.
 
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Regarding my anxiety and the aforementioned commentary, for example, I cannot enjoy a moment of love, deeply immersed, there is always something behind, in the background, bothering me, a hidden insecurity most likely or a set of them, that is there fucking up the beauty of the moment.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
instead of drugs i like to fuck people
Click to expand...

The thing with drugs is once one knows the other side, one truly knows the other side. A simple example to illustrate my point... if I am listening to a favorite song at a high volume, sober, I will think for sure: a drug would improve this experience. Once one knows the feeling of being high, one chases this feeling also in ordinary activities, never finding it, and getting frustrated because of that. So, intense human activities may be a substitution, sex is one of them.
 
jose ribas da silva said:
it was my last attempt, definitely not worth it, but it taught me a valuable lesson, I hope the last one, namely it taught me that concerning my anxiety, there will not be any substance that will cure me. It is me, me swimming in the mud, me and no one else, no drugs, nothing.
Click to expand...

This is true. Anxiety is around because it is a key survival instinct that is innate. Of course many people struggle with far higher anxiety levels than others, but I do know personally that the times I'm just heartbroken or depressed and lounging around indoors day after day my anxiety is absolutely appalling. When I'm hanging around people or engaged in life I notice it's almost nonexistent. If you've got a benzo stash laying around it'd help to salvage the stash and save it for rainy days. The rebound anxiety from those things are too severe for benzos to be a long-term solution (not to mention the beautiful aspect of seizures).

I've noticed that everyone struggles with something immensely personal their entire lives. Ocd/inability to handle heartbreak/anxiety/depression/etc that is overwhelming for them and probably on a clinical level that requires treatment (hence why the pharmaceutical industry is so $$$). It's okay to be defeated by anxiety from time to time because everyone is defeated by their demons here and there. People who seem like they don't have anxiety.. pretty sure they're just hiding it. Life is hard as fuck. Of course you're going to be anxious.

PS. Wish I wasn't a rare form of male and could just have unattached sex all the time :p The quest for emotional attachment continues...
 
jose ribas da silva said:
The thing with drugs is once one knows the other side, one truly knows the other side. A simple example to illustrate my point... if I am listening to a favorite song at a high volume, sober, I will think for sure: a drug would improve this experience. Once one knows the feeling of being high, one chases this feeling also in ordinary activities, never finding it, and getting frustrated because of that. So, intense human activities may be a substitution, sex is one of them.
Click to expand...
My advice is not to use people like drugs but just let it organically grow from mutual friendship, camaraderie and sexual attraction.

GetMeOutOfThisCRAP said:
PS. Wish I wasn't a rare form of male and could just have unattached sex all the time :p The quest for emotional attachment continues...
Click to expand...
Haha I am this type and recently had my heart strings pulled on for the first time and I was like YANK I will take that back, kthx <3
 
Captain.Heroin said:
My advice is not to use people like drugs but just let it organically grow from mutual friendship, camaraderie and sexual attraction.


Haha I am this type and recently had my heart strings pulled on for the first time and I was like YANK I will take that back, kthx <3
Click to expand...

I totally get how it's fun to conquer new people, and most gay men just have a billion friends who they keep in touch with and hang out with (who they've mercilessly banged and sucked off lol). I just get addicted to sleeping with the same person. Had my fair share of hookups though but it was mostly to see what sex is like. It's like my brain recognizes someone as the only source of sexual activity. Some say one is born monogamous or opposite? Who knows man. As long as you aren't manipulating someone's feelings to gain sex with them it's not like there's a proper lifestyle. Gay men tend to not be manipulative like straight men do with women, but they are the queens at ignoring how they really feel about someone and pushing them away. I've never met a group of people so afraid to get hurt ;)
 
GetMeOutOfThisCRAP said:
PS. Wish I wasn't a rare form of male and could just have unattached sex all the time :p The quest for emotional attachment continues...
Click to expand...
Haha I am this type and recently had my heart strings pulled on for the first time and I was like YANK I will take that back, kthx <3
GetMeOutOfThisCRAP said:
I totally get how it's fun to conquer new people, and most gay men just have a billion friends who they keep in touch with and hang out with (who they've mercilessly banged and sucked off lol). I just get addicted to sleeping with the same person. Had my fair share of hookups though but it was mostly to see what sex is like. It's like my brain recognizes someone as the only source of sexual activity. Some say one is born monogamous or opposite? Who knows man. As long as you aren't manipulating someone's feelings to gain sex with them it's not like there's a proper lifestyle. Gay men tend to not be manipulative like straight men do with women, but they are the queens at ignoring how they really feel about someone and pushing them away. I've never met a group of people so afraid to get hurt ;)
Click to expand...
I PREFER monogamous and my <3 was broken when this guy didn’t want ir
 
Captain.Heroin said:
Haha I am this type and recently had my heart strings pulled on for the first time and I was like YANK I will take that back, kthx <3

I PREFER monogamous and my <3 was broken when this guy didn’t want ir
Click to expand...

Did you talk to him about terms of the relationship or what's possible? Or why you feel this way/he does?

With how gay relationship are nowadays the standard monogamy rule doesn't always apply for us. Sometimes rules have to be created and an open relationship can only work long term even so with boundaries imo. We're all heartbroken <3 Straight or gay. Sorry OP somehow I was distracted by captain heroin and the gay life.
 
@jose ribas da silva

I think the key is to work on your spiritual side.
We are part human and part divine.
Many people forget that and they ignore the divine side.
That is where that emptiness comes from.

Give Your soul some attention. Get out in nature. Nature heals your soul. So does music. Give yourself some music therapy daily.
Meditation is the number one thing that helps me. There are many guided meditations online. The sounds of humpback whales and dolphins soothes my soul. So does the sound of a thunderstorm and rain.

Take some time to be alone and in silence and soak up the moonlight.

Think good and beautiful thoughts. Change your thoughts. Throw out all the negative thoughts.

No other person, drug, or anything else is going to fill this emptiness. You must work on getting yourself happy with yourself.
Then you are content with yourself no matter what. That makes you attractive to everyone because you are at peace and that peace comforts others. They will long to be near you. You will have a new found confidence and anxiety is then something you can control.

Then you are recovered, Mind, Body, and Soul!
❤️
 
Painful One said:
@jose ribas da silva

I think the key is to work on your spiritual side.
We are part human and part divine.
Many people forget that and they ignore the divine side.
That is where that emptiness comes from.

Give Your soul some attention. Get out in nature. Nature heals your soul. So does music. Give yourself some music therapy daily.
Meditation is the number one thing that helps me. There are many guided meditations online. The sounds of humpback whales and dolphins soothes my soul. So does the sound of a thunderstorm and rain.

Take some time to be alone and in silence and soak up the moonlight.

Think good and beautiful thoughts. Change your thoughts. Throw out all the negative thoughts.

No other person, drug, or anything else is going to fill this emptiness. You must work on getting yourself happy with yourself.
Then you are content with yourself no matter what. That makes you attractive to everyone because you are at peace and that peace comforts others. They will long to be near you. You will have a new found confidence and anxiety is then something you can control.

Then you are recovered, Mind, Body, and Soul!
❤
Click to expand...

Life is beautiful for those who don't work 8 hours per day having two for lunch therefore totalizing 10 hours and not adding to this recipe
the time for transportation and other trivial activities...

In the end my soul does not have time to enjoy neither the spirituality or the beauty of life.

What I can do is, after a long day of hatred and aversion for humanity, to sit on my bed, smoke a joint, concentrate on my bruxism, masturbate, and post some bullshit on bluelight.
 
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