Venting Boredom setting in again

[paranoid android]

This is me just venting and being a whiney little bitch and it may be deleted. Since i have gotten out of the psych ward i really havent been doing ,much but focusing on getting better. The psychosis and cotards syndrome i had is thankfully gone hopefully for good cause fuck that shit. It seriously reminded me of a dramamine trip the very little of it i can remember. Well dramamine and thinking your dead i guess. My depression is gone maybe because thinking i was dead fucking sucked and now i figure any day above ground is a good one. I may not have much going for me but im atleast alive and free of that god awful place so im not feelings down really. My sex drive is also back after getting the abillify out of my system. It took awile for it to leave my system and for a brief anxious time i thought it would never come back but it did thank fuck. However i am now abit self conscious cause i am massively out of shape and now have a goddamn cyst on one of my balls so it looks significantly bigger then the other and looks fucking weird. I guess having weird looking balls isnt the end of the world but it is making me self conscious. I also havent had coke in a year which according to everyone but me is a good thing. Every goddamn dealer i knew quit selling because of certain ssues here so im now stuck without coke goddamn it. I quit coke voluntarily for 8 months or so.

But despite everything going well i am still here fucking complaining because now i feel so bored. When i first got out i think i still had a rather rosey view of the outside world after being stuck in the psych ward for 6 months. I was happy just to be out really and able to do what i wanted without some cunt checking on me every hour. But now i think im getting back to normal for lack of a better word. Im feeling bored as fuck with my life. I wake up early usually these days make some coffee, smoke a bong, hop on the net and look up the news, maybe have a shot of morphine or take some clonazepam, grab breakfast, smoke lots more bongs or hash, watch tv maybe and fuck around on the net hoping to catch a friend on, have drinks if i can afford them, cook supper, more bongs, chat to more friends if there online, pop some zopiclone if i have any, chat to friends online and sleep. Since i got out of the psych ward ive had a habit of eating more and drinking more booze since when i was in the psych ward i had no booze and had shitty food when i didnt order takeout and even had no food given to me when i was in solitary. Thats my fucking day day in day out pretty much so im boring as fuck.

I know i shouldn't be complaining after all ive been through but is there more to life seriously? I think of what id do if i had money and really all i think that would change is id be doing alot more drugs and id be fatter from eating more. But really is that all there fucking is to it all? Maybe im just being nihilistic as after all cotards syndrome is also known as delusions of nihilism but there has to be more to life then eating, getting drunk, getting high and getting laid. Really those are the only things i can really think of to do these days and i havent been doing good on the getting laid which is maybe a big part of the problem but i tend to blame to much shit on that. Getting laid would atleast kill some time because thats about all i have these days is time. Granted when i was in the psych ward i would have killed to have time to get high, get drunk, play video games, watch movies or anything really without some utter cunt checking on me and giving me shit for smoking weed or ciggs or them just being a cunt in general.

End of bitching.

 

[neversickanymore]

What about sky diving pa.. cheaper safer then taking back up the coke.. the problem with coke.. not including the common propensity of shit product and shit ass vendors, the buzz is naturally way to bipolar shit.. a brief period of intense pleasure followed by a much longer misery or even hell. That’s if you find a fucking source worth anything.

So no.. what sources of pleasure have you overlooked..

 

[RDP89]

What about sky diving pa.. cheaper safer then taking back up the coke.. the problem with coke.. not including the common propensity of shit product and shit ass vendors, the buzz is naturally way to bipolar shit.. a brief period of intense pleasure followed by a much longer misery or even hell. That’s if you find a fucking source worth anything.

So no.. what sources of pleasure have you overlooked..

I agree on the coke. Also, with a history of psychosis strong dopaminergic stimulants should be avoided at all costs. I think OP is relying too much in drugs for pleasure and could benefit from laying off all drugs for awhile and getting into some healthier activities m. But I realize that’s not for everyone m.

 

[paranoid android]

What about sky diving pa.. cheaper safer then taking back up the coke.. the problem with coke.. not including the common propensity of shit product and shit ass vendors, the buzz is naturally way to bipolar shit.. a brief period of intense pleasure followed by a much longer misery or even hell. That’s if you find a fucking source worth anything.

So no.. what sources of pleasure have you overlooked..

Naw i am scared shitless of heights ever since i had a near accident working at bricklaying. Plus i couldnt afford it even if it is cheaper then coke in the long run. I quit coke for 8 months because i got shit product the last 2 times i bought it. Since he was the last guy who sold stuff that wasent cut with otc sleeping pills here i stopped buying. The coke seizure i had 2 years ago wasent enough to make me quit but shit product was lol. I don't get comedowns from coke anymore since i started anti-psychotics which is weird but whatever. So that isnt a issue for me. However the cardiac effects and the coke seizure arent good so stopping isnt a bad idea.

As for other sources of pleasure im digging out my old Nintendo and seeing if that works soon and im ordering a controller and video game for my ps3. I really love retro gaming and i wanna go back and play some old games. I also may get into ham radio if i get some money to. You can get radio stations from Cuba and all over the world so that sounds cool.

I agree on the coke. Also, with a history of psychosis strong dopaminergic stimulants should be avoided at all costs. I think OP is relying too much in drugs for pleasure and could benefit from laying off all drugs for awhile and getting into some healthier activities m. But I realize that’s not for everyone m.

I never found coke to trigger my psychosis at all. If anything it kind of helped me abit when i first got out because nothing makes you feel alive like a big fat shot of coke. Not that im endorsing the shit as ive had my battles with it to not to mention the fucking seizure and all the cash i spent on it. It is evil fucking shit. I do rely on drugs alot but seeing as im not addicted anymore and i don't really get any side effects from it it isnt really a issue. I was off all drugs except weed when i was in the psych ward and i was certainly not any better for it. My mental health suffered because of that shit.

 

[neversickanymore]

Naw i am scared shitless of heights ever since i had a near accident working at bricklaying. Plus i couldnt afford it even if it is cheaper then coke in the long run. I quit coke for 8 months because i got shit product the last 2 times i bought it. Since he was the last guy who sold stuff that wasent cut with otc sleeping pills here i stopped buying. The coke seizure i had 2 years ago wasent enough to make me quit but shit product was lol. I don't get comedowns from coke anymore since i started anti-psychotics which is weird but whatever. So that isnt a issue for me. However the cardiac effects and the coke seizure arent good so stopping isnt a bad idea.

As for other sources of pleasure im digging out my old Nintendo and seeing if that works soon and im ordering a controller and video game for my ps3. I really love retro gaming and i wanna go back and play some old games. I also may get into ham radio if i get some money to. You can get radio stations from Cuba and all over the world so that sounds cool.

Sounds strong imho.. expand your life in whatever way turns you on. If you still need something edgy there are plenty of roads out there. If you ever find yourself up against it.. well shit then just go Jump tandem.. costs less then a ball.. and you get to fly.. just keep it in your deck for a possible play

 

[Jerry Atrick]

This is me just venting and being a whiney little bitch and it may be deleted. Since i have gotten out of the psych ward i really havent been doing ,much but focusing on getting better. The psychosis and cotards syndrome i had is thankfully gone hopefully for good cause fuck that shit. It seriously reminded me of a dramamine trip the very little of it i can remember. Well dramamine and thinking your dead i guess. My depression is gone maybe because thinking i was dead fucking sucked and now i figure any day above ground is a good one. I may not have much going for me but im atleast alive and free of that god awful place so im not feelings down really. My sex drive is also back after getting the abillify out of my system. It took awile for it to leave my system and for a brief anxious time i thought it would never come back but it did thank fuck. However i am now abit self conscious cause i am massively out of shape and now have a goddamn cyst on one of my balls so it looks significantly bigger then the other and looks fucking weird. I guess having weird looking balls isnt the end of the world but it is making me self conscious. I also havent had coke in a year which according to everyone but me is a good thing. Every goddamn dealer i knew quit selling because of certain ssues here so im now stuck without coke goddamn it. I quit coke voluntarily for 8 months or so.

But despite everything going well i am still here fucking complaining because now i feel so bored. When i first got out i think i still had a rather rosey view of the outside world after being stuck in the psych ward for 6 months. I was happy just to be out really and able to do what i wanted without some cunt checking on me every hour. But now i think im getting back to normal for lack of a better word. Im feeling bored as fuck with my life. I wake up early usually these days make some coffee, smoke a bong, hop on the net and look up the news, maybe have a shot of morphine or take some clonazepam, grab breakfast, smoke lots more bongs or hash, watch tv maybe and fuck around on the net hoping to catch a friend on, have drinks if i can afford them, cook supper, more bongs, chat to more friends if there online, pop some zopiclone if i have any, chat to friends online and sleep. Since i got out of the psych ward ive had a habit of eating more and drinking more booze since when i was in the psych ward i had no booze and had shitty food when i didnt order takeout and even had no food given to me when i was in solitary. Thats my fucking day day in day out pretty much so im boring as fuck.

I know i shouldn't be complaining after all ive been through but is there more to life seriously? I think of what id do if i had money and really all i think that would change is id be doing alot more drugs and id be fatter from eating more. But really is that all there fucking is to it all? Maybe im just being nihilistic as after all cotards syndrome is also known as delusions of nihilism but there has to be more to life then eating, getting drunk, getting high and getting laid. Really those are the only things i can really think of to do these days and i havent been doing good on the getting laid which is maybe a big part of the problem but i tend to blame to much shit on that. Getting laid would atleast kill some time because thats about all i have these days is time. Granted when i was in the psych ward i would have killed to have time to get high, get drunk, play video games, watch movies or anything really without some utter cunt checking on me and giving me shit for smoking weed or ciggs or them just being a cunt in general.

End of bitching.

Dude, I'm more worried about the cyst on your testicle than anything else you mentioned. Have you had it checked out by a doctor yet? AFAIK a pea-sized hardened spot on a testicle can be a sign of testicular cancer. If it's bigger, that's even more worrisome. Please go to the doctor ASAP.

 

[paranoid android]

Dude, I'm more worried about the cyst on your testicle than anything else you mentioned. Have you had it checked out by a doctor yet? AFAIK a pea-sized hardened spot on a testicle can be a sign of testicular cancer. If it's bigger, that's even more worrisome. Please go to the doctor ASAP.

I was worried about that to and still am. I had it checked out by a doctor about a year ago and she said it was a cyst which was a relief because i had been naturally worried about cancer. I had a ultrasound and a physical exam done. But since then she has misdiagnosed my mom so i have little faith in her so i may have to see another doctor as it does have me on edge.

 

[paranoid android]

Sounds strong imho.. expand your life in whatever way turns you on. If you still need something edgy there are plenty of roads out there. If you ever find yourself up against it.. well shit then just go Jump tandem.. costs less then a ball.. and you get to fly.. just keep it in your deck for a possible play

I really think i need a vacation in Australia. A few months of lying on the beach, drinking beer and taking drugs would probably do me some good. Either that or i wanna go to Cuba. Sadly i need money for that.

 

[neversickanymore]

I really think i need a vacation in Australia. A few months of lying on the beach, drinking beer and taking drugs would probably do me some good. Either that or i wanna go to Cuba. Sadly i need money for that.

I’m actually a .25 Australian.. been over there Whent from Brisbane to the Gold Cost In a van. Dove Herion Island. Ausies have the most beautiful women on the fucking planet.. I’m pretty damn good looking myself. My parents hit the Australian Open .. but i stayed with relatives.

 

[paranoid android]

I’m actually a .25 Australian.. been over there Whent from Brisbane to the Gold Cost In a van. Dove Herion Island. Ausies have the most beautiful women on the fucking planet.. I’m pretty damn good looking myself. My parents hit the Australian Open .. but i stayed with relatives.

Yeah i got a place to stay in Adelaide as long as i want so im gonna go there when i get the money. You need a 4 grand guarantor to even stay in Australia for any length of time i think. So that on top on the plane ticket is pricey. Me and my friend are trying to get the money together for me to go so hopefully that will happen sometime soon.

My friend has like every type of drug on the planet and even a few like ludes that really don't exist anymore. She has loads of pcp, coke and some rare ones like DOM. And omg aussie women are the fucking best! They are so hot goddamn especially compared to the women here which leave alot to be desired in general if im being honest. Granted i can't say much these days with my slight beer belly and all im no catch myself lol. But i find most women here are the karen type, stuck up, rather shallow and are seriously lacking in personality. Ive never even really dated anyone from my area except for bullshit relationships back in high school and i never had a really serious one as they are just not my type of people. They don't want to party or anything fun theyd rather sit and watch some shit like love island while stuffing their faces with food and diet coke. Granted i like just chillin and playing video games and shit but im not going to sit and look down on people while doing it.

Aussies on the other hand are exactly my type of people. Party all the time, laid back attitude, not judgemental types and bbq and beer all the time. I would actually love to get a place in the outback maybe away from people so i could do what the fuck i wanted. Id grow some opium and some Durban Poison and throw mad partys all the time. Just gimme a beach, some drugs, some beer and a aussie woman and ill be happy lol

 

[n3ophy7e]

I’m actually a .25 Australian.. been over there Whent from Brisbane to the Gold Cost In a van. Dove Herion Island. Ausies have the most beautiful women on the fucking planet.. I’m pretty damn good looking myself. My parents hit the Australian Open .. but i stayed with relatives.

Wait, what? I did not know this!

 

[n3ophy7e]

Yeah i got a place to stay in Adelaide as long as i want so im gonna go there when i get the money. You need a 4 grand guarantor to even stay in Australia for any length of time i think. So that on top on the plane ticket is pricey. Me and my friend are trying to get the money together for me to go so hopefully that will happen sometime soon.

My friend has like every type of drug on the planet and even a few like ludes that really don't exist anymore. She has loads of pcp, coke and some rare ones like DOM. And omg aussie women are the fucking best! They are so hot goddamn especially compared to the women here which leave alot to be desired in general if im being honest. Granted i can't say much these days with my slight beer belly and all im no catch myself lol. But i find most women here are the karen type, stuck up, rather shallow and are seriously lacking in personality. Ive never even really dated anyone from my area except for bullshit relationships back in high school and i never had a really serious one as they are just not my type of people. They don't want to party or anything fun theyd rather sit and watch some shit like love island while stuffing their faces with food and diet coke. Granted i like just chillin and playing video games and shit but im not going to sit and look down on people while doing it.

Aussies on the other hand are exactly my type of people. Party all the time, laid back attitude, not judgemental types and bbq and beer all the time. I would actually love to get a place in the outback maybe away from people so i could do what the fuck i wanted. Id grow some opium and some Durban Poison and throw mad partys all the time. Just gimme a beach, some drugs, some beer and a aussie woman and ill be happy lol

And you'd have to visit me in Sydney too of course!!!! ❤

 

[paranoid android]

And you'd have to visit me in Sydney too of course!!!! ❤

Of course!

 

[neversickanymore]

Wait, what? I did not know this!

Yeah it was awesome. Loved the people and the women were gorgeous. Food.. not so much.. You guys still slathering that vegemite toxic waste on your food.. that and beets with your burger garnish.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Yeah it was awesome. Loved the people and the women were gorgeous. Food.. not so much.. You guys still slathering that vegemite toxic waste on your food.. that and beets with your burger garnish.

BEETROOT IS LIFE!!!!!

 

[paranoid android]

BEETROOT IS LIFE!!!!!

I see a aussie doing this on a cooking show the other day. WTF is it lol

 

[n3ophy7e]

I see a aussie doing this on a cooking show the other day. WTF is it lol

Whatcha mean? Beetroot on a burger, or beetroot in a different dish? Do you guys have marinated or pickled beets over there?

 

[neversickanymore]

Whatcha mean? Beetroot on a burger, or beetroot in a different dish? Do you guys have marinated or pickled beets over there?

No we pickle cucumbers like god intended.. ear to ear smile

 

[n3ophy7e]

No we pickle cucumbers like god intended.. ear to ear smile

Well whaddya do with beets??

 

[neversickanymore]

Well whaddya do with beets??

Listlessly and unwistfully push them around on the plate.. try unsuccessfully to sneak feed them to the dog? Beets are not that big here, but yes you can buy them pickled. They may have been popular with very old people awhile ago.